Self Harming?

Question

I have a friend that is seriously depressed and self harming. She has done to her GP for help but he his answer is to put her on medication. Last wkend i spoke to her about the self harming and she got upset and started cutting herself in front of me. I am very worried about her and have tried to help her and give her numbers of help groups but she isn't interested. Help what else can i do?

Answer 1

This is very difficult situation especially when you friend self harm infront of you. I know I have seen it myself and work in mental health and it the hardest thing I have faced I would suggest you try be gentlely supportive of your friend and try every so carefully to find out what is causing all these problems, try not to give easy solutions or answers. Don't try and force her to get help. do not reject her because of her behaviour, suggest if possible that she find other way to take her pain like ice cubes on the arm. Drug can help with depression but I think she need more than that but only when she is ready.
As her behaviour I would suggest she cut her self because she did not want to get close to her pain and she was saying in effect look what you making me do. If interested this is a good book on the problem.

A Bright Red Scream: Self-Mutilation and the Language of Pain (Paperback)
by Marilee Strong (Author)
I tough reading but good

Answer 2

Hi this must have been a horrible experience for you. People self harm as a way of releasing distress and often feel better after doing this. However, doing this in front of you is quite manipulative and suggests that she does not want to stop this behaviour or to confront he current issues at present, she would rather someone else took control and the responsibility. When your friend self harms in front of you it increases your anxiety and places the responsibility of her well being on you. I think that your friend needs to speak to mental health professionals and start towards discovering the root of her self harming. Your friend may never stop harming but they could learn to manage and cope more effectively with help. Be a friend listen but don't take on the responsibility your friend has got to want help for herself before anything can start to change.

Answer 3

First of allyou are a good friend! your friend must trust you to self harm in front of you. I had a friend do that to me when we were out one night and i was totally shocked by it and it really upset me, so I hope you are okay?!

You have done the right things, you have given her support and shown her where she can get it. Self harm can be for any of reasons anxiety, worry, sadness and fear or all of them. You have to understand your friend. Do you feel that she is a risk to herself? if you do you need to make sure you tell someone, even if it is your Mum, so you are not carrying this fear for your friend. She is going to have to want to get help, before she excepts any, so this may be a long journey, whoever you confide in can one , help you through this or two, make a descsion or have ideas for you that can help her. The positive is that her GP is aware and he will monitor this. In the UK and by you saying GP i presumed you are? - there is a service called Child and Adolecent mental health Service (CAMHS) It sounds a scary name but they are there to help with issues like child depression and self harm, you could find out dsome details of this for your freind so she can ask her GP to refer her or sahe can refer herself to them, they are great at helping young people and are kind and caring.

The way I have written this i presumed you and her were younger, so apologies if you are over 18! Look after yourself with this too, this will affect you emotionally too, as she is your friend and you care about her. DO NOT let anyone tell you that she is attention seeking, as self harm is a serious issue and nothing to do with that!

Good luck to you and I am please your friend has you. CJay

Answer 4

i sound exacly like your friend. Well at least i did. I got help through a re-hab facility but it doesn't have to get that drastic. O.k cutting is NOT an attention seeking thing so the more you wanna talk about it see it all that the worse your friend will feel. Cutting is the reaction to a painful or ugly emotion. What is important to understand is that as scared as youfeel watching her cut and hurt is as scared as she feels on the inside. The cutting is coming from within, the physical side of it is just a manifestation of anger/hurt. Talk to her about hoe she feels. NOT ABOUT WHEN SHE CUTS OR WHY. About her life in general. You will not get pretty answers but you will get to the bottom of why her emotions are manifesting into this. ALSo her meds will help within about 2 weeks. If all else fails go to see a physcologist. Lastly if you can get your friend to e-mail me ([e-mail]) maybe i can speak to her about this stuff and try to help her!

Answer 5

I can tell you from personal experience becuase I also cut myself that the best thing you can do is just be there for your friend. I know it is hard to not be able to help her like you want, but sometimes by forcing the help you are just making it worse. I know that when I cut myself it is because it is easier to deal with physical pain then emotiomal pain. So I would just keep being there for her and hopefully in time she will open up about what is really going on.

Answer 6

go with her to the doctors and make sure she tells them the truth they have to help if they don't see a different doctor and report the last one. Be her friend be supportive and don't leave her she needs you ,she can get through this but she needs help she may have to go to hospital for a while but it doesn't have to be scary the nurses and doctors there will help her.
your doing great and your a wonderful friend and remember this isn't her doing this it's her broken mind. If she's doing it for attention then she has a problem, if she's doing it for a cry for help she has a problem so regardless of what some may say she needs you.

Answer 7

Talk to her and tell her this is much more common than you know. She needs much more than a GP She can be helped. Cutting is very common in people with Borderline Personality Disorder. Read "I hate you dont leave me" and see if you see your friend in this book. She needs a good friend to help her get help. Go to her parents or someone she trusts.

Answer 8

Unfortunately there's not much else you CAN do. She needs to understand that she needs help herself, and she needs to want to change for herself. Self-harming at the moment is the only way she can deal with the painful feelings inside of her. She needs to understand how dangerous it is, and to find other, safer, ways of relieving the pressure and pain. Counselling may help, but again, you can't force someone else to go to counselling, they have to get help themselves. You can be there for her, but don't put your own feelings and emotional safety at risk. If it is too upsetting to be with her, you need to let her know you care for her, but that you need to step back for a while, for your own good.

Answer 9

She needs to go to her GP asap with someone she trusts (like yourself), explain to the doctor that she doesn't want medication that she wants to be seen by a professional in this field. He/she will refer her to a psychology / mental illness unit where she will be checked out and diagnosed.
The best thing that you can do is be there for her and make sure she gets the help she needs.
I know it is very hard to understand, but most self harmers do it for release not to kill themselves. Please do let us know how you and your friend are doing. Good luck

Answer 10

call the closest ambulance squad and get her to the hospital.there's an under lying problem that has to be addressed. This is a symptom of abuse,whether it's mental or physical will have to be determined by a clinical psychiatrist. Do your friend a favor and make that call!