how many children are too many to have i have three children and im not sure if i want more i am very young only 21 but im married my youngest is 4 months but i know once he get to be 2 years old im going to have that itch to have another baby... but when will that stop should i just get my tubes tied to make sure i dont want any???
2006-09-29 08:25:53 · 34 answers · asked by alvarez53403 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
oh lady, I am right beside you!
I am 26 & have a 10, 4 & 2 year old (all girls) & BOY OH BOY am I itching to have another!
I tossle with this idea every single day! One day I think I can handle 4 & others I am overwhelmed to have 3!
I know it is hard to close that chapeter in life- especially when you have been a mom practically your entire life!
My plan is to take it day by day... IF we have another we plan to wait a year...I will assess where we are: how is the money situation, our relationship, hubby's work schedule, ect... we were going to try this fall but there are just too many factors that say "no" to another baby right now.
The thing I worry most about is having enough TIME to devote to each child... you need to assess your own family's situation & see if you think another child could be "the straw that broke the camel's back". Try not to think abuot the cute, cuddly baby because they grow fast!
Think about how many activities your children are or will be in- will you be able to make it to everyone's game? How about homework time...can you help 4 kids with their different tasks at the same time?
I wish you all the luck! I know how you feel!
2006-09-29 08:40:35 · answer #1 · answered by jms_ladybug 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only one who can make that decision - is you.
I had my 1st at 18. I am now pregnant with twins - my 6th & 7th children. Am I done yet? Not sure. I won't get my tubes tied until I am sure, or reach the age of 35.
My family has always had many children. I have 8 siblings. My family's previous generations had 12, 14, even as many as 23 children. Granted, 23 would definitely be too much for me.
But, if you can afford it, and you're a good parent - keep going. Most people say wow! 7 kids! But, when they see my children, how well behaved they are, how beautiful they are - and the fact that they are all gifted children with advanced intelligence...then they ask how I do it. How do I do it? With love. Nothing else. I don't have a million dollar a year job. I"m an insurance agent. and I own my own home business on the side. I work on my jobs when the kids are at school, or sleeping. And so far, so good. I think I'm doing a good job with them. They all feel loved, have the things that they need - maybe not all the things that they want (but what kid really does).
God only gives you what you can handle. Do what your heart tells you. If you have wonderful children, and are a good mother - then you deserve to have more.
2006-09-29 08:33:42 · answer #2 · answered by ? 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Wait until the itch has passed to get your tubes tied. What would you do if you and your husband decide later you do want another? The chances of a reversal being successful are very small. Instead, use a reliable form of birth control that you are comfortable with.
The IUD is very popular right now as it has been updated to be safer and only needs to be switched every 4 or 5 years. There's lots of spotting at first and the first few months are the greatest for it coming out, but the number of problems are relatively small.
So how many? As many as you are able to love and provide for. I'm content that the most children I'll have is three, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't have more.
2006-09-29 09:04:15 · answer #3 · answered by erythisis 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've heard that once you are done having kids, that you'll know it because you won't get the itch any more. I'm not sure yet if that's true, I have three and my youngest is 1 1/2 months and I know I want at least one more. My problem though is that I get the itch when they are around 1 year old not 2, so all of mine are 20 months apart. The thing that's weird is that whenever we are getting ready to go somewhere and we are getting the kids ready, I always feel like there's another kid that we are missing or forgetting. I guess that's how I know we will have at least one more, until I stop getting that feeling. No one can tell you what is too many for you. If you feel you are done, then don't have any more. But don't make the mistake of getting your tubes tied until you know for sure, don't do it to make you not have any choice or you may regret it.
2006-09-29 08:53:00 · answer #4 · answered by mommyem 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are 21 and you have 3 children? I think you are extremely young to think about tying your tubes. My best friend had a baby at 23 and thought she never wanted another, only to have a baby girl 8 years later and she couldnt be happier. Another friend had a son when she was 21, and thought she's never want another, and when her son was 13 yrs old, she had another baby!
3 kids at 21 is quite a handful, but as long as you are able to care for them and have the loving help of your husband than thats great. But I strongly advice against getting your tubes tied. That will not make you stop wanting one, it will only make it very difficult once you do. A 3rd woman I know had 2 kids with 2 different fathers and got her tubes tied because she was distraught and thought she would never want another. A few years later she fell in love and married someone who loves both of her kids. But now they want another baby and she has been having problems for the past 5 years because she got her tubes tied and is having great difficulty getting it reversed.
You are way too young to make such a potentially permanant decision. Some people have 5, 6, 7 kids. Maybe that will be you. Or maybe you'll be happy with the 3 the have. Enjoy them, use some birth control, and don't take such a drastic step!!
Oh yeah, and there is no 'too many' as long as you love them all and care for them and give them a good home and encourage them, big families can be wonderful!
2006-09-29 08:35:07 · answer #5 · answered by dagmar 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I would not get your tubes tied. For one, you will more than likely regret it and two, from experience and talking to other women, you will have absolutely horrible cramps when you have your period. I get them so bad, I can't walk or stand. My doctor said the only thing they could do for me is birth control pills. I do not think anyone can say how many is enough or too many. It is all up to the individual person. Go on the pill or depo shot. If you later want another, you can always stop taking them. Also, if you decide later to have your tubes tied you can. You don't have to do it right after birth. My son was five months old when I went back and had it done.
I went through a depression afterwards too. My husband and I divorced and I wanted one with my new husband. I eventually got over it, but that is a scenario to consider.
Good luck to you!
2006-09-29 17:53:46 · answer #6 · answered by mcgrawm7 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not tie your tubes...hense my screen name! I had this done due to medical reasons and since I am remarried with a wonderful man who has no children...this is what we are doing. I know people who have anywhere from none to 7 children (and one due any moment). It's all on what you and your hubby want / can afford...etc. You will always make things work with another...it's just that way. God will never give you anything that you can't handle. I say go for it...and yes that feeling will eventually go away (at least it did for me) after not having a small child in the house for 12 years (the age of my youngest) it was quite a shock to get two four year olds to foster at the same time...I didn't remember how much work it was...but it's very rewarding. Just do what you feel is right and don't worry about what others think of you...it's your family, not theirs...and as long as everyone is taken care of...I wouldn't worry about it.
2006-09-29 08:50:00 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think there is anything wrong with having a bunch of kids or just having one. If you have too many for you to handle... they might not get the proper attention they need and feed off each other causing all of them to have dramatic negative effects later on. On the other hand the more kids you have that you're able to raise properly they can all support each other in a healthy loving relationship when one of them has a problem the others can help them through it. If you're still itching to have another baby in two years just look at your oldest and realize they're all going to be like that and decide from there. I wouldn't get my tubes tied though, I would have your husband get a viscectomy because those are reversible, tubes have a low percentage success rate of reversal usually resulting in miscarriages.
2006-09-29 08:41:52 · answer #8 · answered by peachez03 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would weigh a few very important decisions...Can you afford it? Do you have the tim and patience for another one? Will you feel drained with another one or do you think it will enhance your life? You are very young to have your tubes tied. Even if when your youngest is 2 and you think you don't want another child, you should just go on birth control. Getting your tubes tied is PERMANENT....and women are having babies well into their 40's these days. Who knows, maybe when all of your children are off to college you will get that "itch" again.... :)
2006-09-29 08:39:39 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you can't even write correctly (you just combined about 7 sentences into one) you probably don't have a very good job to support all of these children. So since you're probably on government aid, I would suggest that you don't have any more children. There is no certain number of children that a woman should have, but give your body a break, as well as yourself and your husband. Enjoy your family. Watch them grow. Wait more than two years to have more children, don't have a baby for the sake of having a baby. Babies are cute and cuddly, trust me I have a 4 mo old as well so I know, but then the baby turns into a toddler, and then a child, and then a TEENAGER!! You've already got three, can you imagine? 3 teens at one time. Don't put more stress on yourself. Let them get into school before you have more children.
2006-09-29 08:38:55 · answer #10 · answered by newmom06 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋