Joke--The Atheist & The Bear?

Question

One day there was a man walking through the woods and came accross a bear...a big hungery looking bear! The man froze dead in his tracks hopeing that the bear didn't see him,and to try to figure out what to do next. The bear saw him and started after him...the man bolted thinking that he could outrun this bear but soon started to realize that he was not in very good shape like he used to be. He looked back and saw the bear was gaining on him so he started to weave in and out of trees,sliding down reviens, running around big rocks and just couldn't shake this bear.He knew at this time that he was bear meat, but thought that he would run down to the river and try to make it to the rappids in hopes that he could get away that way.So he gave it his very best, he ran and ran as fast as he could and looked back just before he got to the river bank thinking that he was going to make it just to see the bear in mid air comming down on him;landing on him with such force that it knocked the air right out of him! The bear was on top of him now with both paws on his shoulders and sitting on his legs crushing them with the enormous wieght of this animal.The bear was drouling and had raised one paw to give the finale blow!! At that time the man yelled out,"OH GOD SAVE ME!"Just as he said that the bear froze in mid swipe,the river stoped,the wind had stoped blowing, and the man thought this can't be happening am I dead? Just as he said that there was this thundering voice that said "ALL THIS TIME YOU HAVE DENIED MY EXISTENCE AND RIDICULE ALL THOSE THAT BELEIVED IN ME,AND NOW IN YOUR TIME OF DISPARE YOU HAVE THE GALL TO CALL OUT MY NAME!YOU WANT ME TO SAVE YOU? WELL I'LL TELL YOU, I'LL SAVE YOU IF YOU ANNOUNCE YOUR FAITH IN ME TO ALL THAT YOU KNOW AND ALL THAT YOU MEET FOR THE REST OF YOUR DAYS!" Well the man thought about this for a minute and said to himself that he would be the laughing stock for the rest of his life if he did this and that he would be better dead,BUT then he thought he was slick and said to GOD,"Well I am not worthy of this and asked god if he could just make the bear a christian. GOD said "IF THIS IS WHAT YOU WANT THEN SO BE IT!" Then the river started to flow again and the wind blew accross his face and the bear stoped for a minuet and looked at the man, The man said "please Mr.bear find it in your hart to let me go?" The bear just gruntted and raised one paw then the other and the man thought he was gettin out of this, then the bear put both paws together and said,"thank you lord for this meal that i'm about to have!!!"AMEN

Answer 1

that was awesome

i really enjoyed that joke

i hope the athiests on this site read it

Answer 2

An old joke, and not a bad one if told well. I've always preferred this one, though:

McGregor the Atheist was out fishing on Loch Ness one morning, enjoying the cool summer breeze and the gentle sounds of the water. He was about to doze off when he noticed a strange rippling in the water near his boat. Suddenly, and enormous grey head erupted from the water and opened its mouth, exposing row upon row of razor-sharp teeth. The massive creature lunged forward and crushed McGregor's boat between its powerful jaws, nearly cutting him in half in the process. The beast then caught the panicked McGregor with its serpentine tail and flipped him head over heels through the air into its gaping maw.

McGregor, now trapped in the monster's mouth, dodging its gnashing teeth, and holding on desperately to avoid being swallowed, cried out as loud as he could. "PLEASE, GOD! IF YOU'RE UP THERE, PLEASE SAVE ME!"

Suddenly, everything stopped! The enormous teeth and tongue of the creature stood still. The giant head came to a rest. Not a sound could be heard inside the beast's cavernous mouth. McGregor, poised precariously over the monster's gullet, was amazed as he heard a booming voice issue from the heavens.

"MCGREGOR THE ATHEIST," the voice said. "YOU HAVE DENIED ME YOUR ENTIRE LIFE, YET NOW, IN YOUR HOUR OF GREATEST NEED, YOU CALL OUT TO ME FOR SALVATION. WHY SHOULD I SAVE YOU NOW?"

To which McGregor, never missing a beat, replied, "Give me a break, God! Up until ten seconds ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster, either!"

Answer 3

very superb....attempt this one.... 2 men die and bypass to heaven One is a bumb and one is a poet They bypass in front of St Peter on the pearly gates St Peter asks: "What have you ever achieved on earth to warrant your enterence into heaven?" The poet jumps up and says: "i became an stunning poet, I touched many hearts and souls." St Peter nodds his head and seems on the bumb.... The bumb, understanding if he says he's a bumb won't get in - so he states that he's an stunning poet and likewise touched many hearts and souls. So St Peter says: "i'll now grant you with a attempt to make certain your not mendacity to me....provide me a stanza ending in Timbuctu." nicely the poet chefs up one real away, he sates: "there became a vessel on the sea blue, it is desitnation....Timbuctu." St Peter claps, wipes a tear from his eye and says: "Your in, son." He then seems on the bumb, the bumb is worried, shaking and sweating. approximately quarter-hour bypass and St Peter tells the guy it is forming a line and desires to grant his poem. So the bumb wipes the sweat from his brow, coughs to clean his voice and says: "Tim and that i walked and went, we found 3 madiens pitching a tent, considering they have been 3 and we've been 2 - I bucked one and Tim bucked 2." ......he have been given in!

Answer 4

ROFL... I'm with DA on this... a true atheist would not have bothered to ask an imaginary deity for help... he would have been ingenius enough to have somehow restricted the bears advances or found a way to survive the situation.

Answer 5

Old! someone posted this joke yesterday except it was a shark instead of a bear... they did a much better job as well, you made it way too long.

Answer 6

sssssoo, wait, his name is God, I thought he was referred to as God not that God was his actual name. Who is Jesus then? Was Allah invited too? You know what, I think, his name should be ' Aum'.

Answer 7

Sooo...
God doesn't merely require you to repent?
Christians would not help a fellow out, but kill him instead?

I've never understood the point of this "joke". Really, it seems to be making fun of Christians. Is this what you meant by posting this?

Answer 8

Wow: Christianity comes to Pooh corner...

Have you heard the one about the Christian who never actually learned anything about the world in which he lived because he was too caught up in a fairy tale?

Answer 9

Very old (have you only now discovered it?), very prejudiced because it expresses your hatred (or the writer's hatred) towards atheists, and very little constructive of a really reasonable discussion about religions. Totally out of place here.

Answer 10

ha