What is up with my mother-in-law?

Question

About 2 weeks ago she sent me an IM calling me a bi**h then sent another saying "that's right I called you a bi**h what you going to do about it?" She did it because I didn't voice message with her because I don't have speakers or anything. I just ignored the comments and let my husband try to expalin what happened to her, but she didn't think she had done anything wrong! I chose to ignore her and not escalate the situation. Last night she IMd me again saying "I was right when I called it the last time. You still are." I haven't even talked to her. I have spent the entire 3 years of my marriage trying to establish a good relationship with this woman, and I've done nothing to justify her behavior. Now my husband is furious with her and I think that by doing this she's ruined their relationship, which wasn't great to begin with. Please someone tell me why she could be acting this way and what should I do about it?

Answer 1

You shouldn't worry about it - write her off, she's just not a good person. Who cares why? She's not worth your time.

Focus on the fact that your husband supports you and loves you. The fact that he's chosen to exclude her from his life after her bad treatment of you tells you that this isn't the 1st time she's acted this way.

You have a great husband - your MIL has chosen to alienate you, so let her. Good riddance !

Answer 2

She could be acting this way because she never got over losing her son to you. Some mothers have to have a hold on their sons. I would not blame myself for anything, she acts this way because you allow her to. She has been getting away with it for years, and your husband, her son, cannot stop her. I would have a family meeting with your husband, her and you. Let her know that you do not deserve the way she is treating you. Allow your husband to speak his mind also, and just like you said here she is the one ruining her sons and hers relationship. Sometimes it is better to let all things out in the open. You do not need to be called names. You are the Mrs. now and she has to respect that. Both you and your husband let her know that if she cannot change the relationship within the 3 of you will be terminated. You might see at a later time that she might change. But abuse to you is not something you should tolerate.

Answer 3

Dear Blondie....from your questions I think you may have married into a seriously dysfunctional family. That said, I see that your relationship with your husband has escalated to violence.

Start doing some research. Call social services and ask them if there are shelters for victims of domestic violence. Apply for child support, WIC, state health insurance, a housing subsidy and a daycare subsidy and anything else they can offer. For now, do not tell anyone what you are doing. Carefully plan your exit with the children. I really wouldn't do this in front of him. Pick a date to leave and stick to it. Take a deep breath and tell yourself it is going to be ok.

Once you are safe at the shelter there are programs to help you get back to work. Sometimes Catholic Charities can help if your need car maintenence. Accept any help you can get at this time. Notify your family of the steps you have taken. They already know you needed to do this. Enlist their support. Contact your best friend and let her be a support to you also.

Don't expect to be able to see the whole picture as you are following through with this. Once you and the kids are in a safe place, then you can look back. Don't let him or his family harrass you if they locate you. Explain simply that you are not trying to do anything AGAINST your husband. You are simply doing FOR yourself and the children. End of conversation. Walk away.

Know yourself well enough to be assured that this is the right decision. Present yourself calmly as a person who can make good decisions (we all start sometime) and deserves respect. Forgive yourself your mistakes and start over. You can do this. You know this is what it all boils down to. Become the mom your kids desperately need and take steps to bring to life this person you are becoming. You can do it.

Answer 4

Cut yourself off from her. Don't let her control your life. Remove her from your messenger and block anyone who's not on your buddy list.

You cant let her control you or your emotions. She sounds like she has some undealtwith issues that have nothing to do with you.

I almost married a man who's mother was much like that. You know what i did? I changed my phone number, my id, and I bluntly told my bf not to ever give it to her again. That was the end of that. The only time i got to see her after that was in public gatherings and around other family members and I made a point of staying as far away from her as possible.

Sometimes you're just better off without some people, and you can only improve your own when you break those ties.

However, i ended that relationship in the end, and I'm now happily married to a man who's parents i get along with just great, and vice versa. :-)

Answer 5

Only she is responsible for her behavior. Obviously, she's got major problems that have nothing to do with you. Your H's relationship was already rocky with her before you because of it.

Yuo're already doing the right thing: stay out of it, act nice, be the bigger, classy person.

Your DH knows how she is and be grateful he sees her for what she is rather than attack you. You have a good husband if he defends you when you've been wronged by his relative(s). Sad but reality.

Answer 6

She could be jealous cause your relationship is better than she has with her own son, or she is not a happy person, finding fault with everyone..
I would have a heart to heart talk with her in person and find out if there is something bothering her, that you could help her with..
Even medication can change a persons way of thinking..To much meds can give a person many mood swings..Or maybe this is her personality, she may always be this way, having fears no one knows she has..So many things that make people act strangely..Talk to
your husband and tell him to go and talk to his mother..A relationship between parents should always be good..Once they die, that is it..

Answer 7

Maybe she gets on this site too and has read your other questions. Four days ago when you were asking how you could get away from an abusive husband she may have read it and and the ones you asked before that. You need to be more careful if that's the case.

Answer 8

I wouldn't do "anything about it. She obviously has a problem, and it's not "your's"! She is waiting on pins & needles for you to react to her rudeness, so that whatever
"is" wrong in her life, she can vent on "you." Ignore her
all the way. She never gave you a chance to show what a good person you are, so please don't waist your time trying to explain who you are...she's not worth it. And besides, you married your husband, not her. You and your husband obviously love one another, keep it that way, and simply "pitty" your mother-in-law from a distance. Good luck & god bless you both

Answer 9

I've been dealing with that stuff for 29 years now. She's crazy and shes not going to change.
Don't do anything just ignore her. When you are dealing with someone like that no matter what you say or do she will just want to start stuff. It's not worth your time!

Answer 10

well it is obvious that she is jealous. Not literally but in her mind you have taken her son from her. I am sure that there was a time when SHE was his everything and now you are.
I have a son myself and even though he is only 2 years old i can see myself giving his future girlfriends a hard time. i know that i am going to have a hard time letting him go, It is my job to protect him even when he is grown. a mothers work is never done. None the less i wish you well with future endeavors with your mother in law. Kill her with kindness.