I am ending my relationship with my stepmother. How should I explain this to my dad?

Question

My stepmother is a total fake. I can't stand to be around her anymore.

She pretends to care for her step\children, but we know otherwise. It is all an act. When she drinks, the mask is dropped and she lashes out and says nasty things.

I have known her for 34 years and this has gone on for years. She is only 8 years older than me.

Along a similar vein, she gives some very odd and questionable gifts during the holidays:

1) toenail clippers
2) used clothing
3) presents intended for other people
4) dollar store items, like bear candles

This is not about the money -- it is about the care and thought taken when picking gifts. She doesn't care.

She is not all bad and has definitely improved her gift giving skills.
But she recently attacked me during a family gathering. I was in shock and couldn't respond. My husband was not there and no one spoke up for me. My family can't confront anything.

I am ending my relationship with her. How should I explain this my dad?

Answer 1

Make a point of letting your dad know that you are not ending your relationship with him and you love him.
Tell him you are taking a break from your Stepmother and hope he will respect your decision to do so. Do not actually attack her, because he may feel the need to defend her. Just say there are issues you need to resolve and can not do it unless you take
the freedom to have space from your stepmother.

Answer 2

What is wrong with dollar store gifts. I shop at the dollar store. They have good deals on deodorant. That stuff isn't cheap you know, and the average person goes through a stick of it a week. Stop ripping on the dollar store and letting it divide you and your stepmother. What is a more serious issue is the fact that she attacked you. Perhaps you and your dad can arrange to send her to a psychiatric hospital where she can get the proper help for her problem. Ditching her now would just prove how much of a fake you are and not her. She needs professional help and the support of her family now more than ever and leaving her out in the cold is a cruel and inhuman thing to do. If you really love her you will get her the help she needs to quit her reckless ways.

Answer 3

Explain to your dad exactly how you feel. Give him the specifics like you gave us. Also, let him know that he is the one that married her, not you. She has been doing some pretty unforgivable things to you for years. Your father may take this kind of hard, but in time, because you are his child, he will get over it. Just make sure that the step-monster is not around when you talk to him or you will be asking for a confrontation with her. Although, that may not be a bad idea. If she has such a great animosity for you, then perhaps your father needs to see it in full force. I wish you lots of luck.

Answer 4

That's a shame, It's bad that she acts that way. Have a heart to heart with your dad & share your true feelings about her. Chances are, he has problems with her too. I wouldn't say you're ending the relationship with her because it doesn't really sound like you have a relationship with her. It sounds like she's just around you sometimes because of your dad. Letting your dad know how you feel about your step mom should help. You really should talk to your step mom as well. It can't hurt & it will empower you. Don't keep things inside, it will only compound & continue to get worse. Let it all out! Good luck!:)

Answer 5

I have been on both sides of this both as the stepchild and the stepmom. I dealt with my stepmother by simply avoiding her. I went to see my dad when I knew she would either be gone or he was at someone else house, if I did go to their house to see him I simply ignored her prescence and she eventually got the point and left when I would get their. As a stepmom I give up, I have tretaed all of my stepkids the same as I do my own children and in our house you get for one you get for all however my husbands kids still accuse me of not being fair to them. If this attack on you happened at a family gathering then chances are your father is already aware of what is going on so invite him over for a cup of coffee and tell him exactly how you feel. Explain to him that you love him but you can't deal with her and her atacks on you anylonger. Chances are with the small age difference between you she is trying to force her control and although she is a peer she is demanding respect as you would give a parent. Possibly suggest to your fahter she sttend counceling.

Answer 6

I'm sure through the years your Dad has seen many of these things she's done as well as other family members. It seems as if your family doesn't want to rock the boat on issues,but here's my advise. Take your Dad aside from everybody else so there's no interference and simply let him know your deep down feelings. See,it's not all about emotions but in the mean time YOUR health is in jeopardy due to the stress. You sometimes have to remove yourself from others. Maybe in years to come you can reconnect with her...but be sure and let your Dad know he's ALWAYS welcome to be with you and yours. Good luck to you !!!

Answer 7

print your question out and let him read it. Maybe there is a reason that she acts this way. If you've known her for 34 years it seems kind of strange to end it now. If you just see her occasionally, try to hang out more with your dad. Not everyone likes everyone in their family, but we deal with the weirdos during holidays.

Answer 8

There is no reason to explain this to your father. Just end the relationship. When your father does not see you he will contact you. You then speak to him cordially. If he asks why you haven't been over, just tell him you don't get along with his wife and would prefer not to be around her. Tell him he is welcomed at your house anytime but if he chooses not to come, realize that your relationship will end with him also, that is, if he is loyal to his wife.

You have to remember that when you took your marriage vows, you said forsaking ALL others. You have to remember that he may treat his wife the way you would want your husband to treat you.

Answer 9

It's hard for me to answer your question because I don't know what you step mother did to push you over the edge. Since you say she's "not all bad", maybe you could limit your exposure to her or only see her when she's sober. That would be easier to explain to your dad. People don't always show their "true selves" when they're drunk. Sometimes they become confrontation and lose their self control when they're drunk, that doesn't mean that is how she truly feels.

Answer 10

Kudos to you for recognizing that your stepmom became at fault. Triple kudos on your dad for status via his spouse, it is infinitely extra significant than all different relationships blended. enable me to remind you of the profound words of Jesus, “have you ever not examine that He who made them on the commencing up ‘made them woman and male,’and reported, ‘for this reason a guy shall bypass away his mum and dad and be joined to his spouse, and the two shall become one flesh’? So then, they're now not 2 yet one flesh. as a result what God has joined mutually, permit not guy separate.”