S. M. to immigrant kids that I sponsored to come USA. Step D. (10 yo) wants 2 be in her school’s Girl Scouts, Basketball team, etc. Her Dad won't allow any but art club for some reason. During check-up Doc (without alarming child) says she’s been genitally militated & her clitoris & labia have been removed. I feel faint, later while alone in the Doc’s office I cry 4 her, thinking of what she's been thorough & how she's been violated & robbed terribly. Doc says most girls block out the experience until about 15-20 b/c it’s so traumatic. SD worships her father/ and all of her brothers. I tell my husband what Doc saw and his reply is “And? So what…?” When she has probs in US she says she wants to return to her “Na-Na” (mother) in West Africa. Docs say this is most likely who mutilated her in order make sure she wld get a husband someday. If U were me wld U consider leaving, taking her with U & filing for custody or getting out period & having to leave her behind b/c yr just the step mom?
2006-09-29 06:30:22 · 14 answers · asked by Kaitlyn 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Clarifications: Yes I've called him my husband. We have been legally married for 7yrs. Before this he always said that female GM was "sick" and he was against it. not at all in keeping with his reaction to his daughter having it done to her (see above). NO staying and being supportive of her is not an option ater I raise the money to leave. This relationship is emotionally, verbally and sexually abusive. The GM is just the final large straw that makes me REALLY wanna get out. If I don't I'll end up acting like a labotamized slave to this man. Please give any input that you can. I need it. Thank you :)
2006-09-29 06:57:16 · update #1
omg, i feel so bad for her. yes i would leave anddd take her w/ me. aww thats so sad. and no offense but yourv husband was so rude. not even caring like that? wow. yes take her with you!
2006-09-29 06:33:37 · answer #1 · answered by polygirrrl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to understand that there is a cultural difference going on. Yes, here in the US it is totaly ridiculous to do that sort of thing to your daughter, however in Africa that is a tradition that you do there. Women are not suppossed to be sexually aroused or feel pleasure during sex. I agree, that is horrible and I would have cried as well, but it is a normal thing where she comes from and her "Na-Na" understands. There is nothing that you can legally do for her here. Just make sure that adjusts to the US easily and don't bring it up unless she wants to talk to you about it. You should do some research into the practice of this so when she is of age, she will know why this was done to her. There is a surgury to undo what has been done and women from Africa are doing this, however I wouldn't do it until she is much older. Good luck!
2006-09-29 06:47:45 · answer #2 · answered by jdecorse25 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm confused. Are you married to the father of the girl in question? And is he originally African? And are you saying that he seems not to care about his daughter's problems?
If so, you have to consider that your husband's views and ideas will naturally be different from what you would consider normal, because he's been raised with different values.
Are you considering leaving your husband because of this? If this is what is bothering you, then I wouldn't just up and leave. While you are different, you can still have a successful marriage and you can be of comfort to your step daughter.
She is his daughter and you will have to encourage her to follow the rules he has set for her while she is in the home, but that does not mean that she can not be happy. Honestly, a warm loving relationship is more important to a kid than Girl Scouts or Basketball.
After a peaceful time period in the home, then gently approach your husband about allowing your daughter to join other activities. If things have gone well, perhaps he will be more willing to give.
I hope everything works out for you, and I hope you stay safe.
2006-09-29 06:37:56 · answer #3 · answered by CE S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unless you have the financial and mental muscle to support yourself and the child, you should give it some consideration.
If you have an immediate family or close family members, they are likely your first support "circle". Do consult them as you may need their advice in the years ahead when this kid begins to question the values around her. Not doing so may be inconsiderate as they (support circle) may assist, regardless.
Garner the views of the Doc and the girl's biological parents. Neither assume their desires nor their true intentions of having her either back home or in the U.S. Tribal politics and traditions are stronger values that have the potential of a powder keg. Cruel as it sounds, it is sometimes better to leave the kids in their home country.
Finally, observe and match the kid's wants and says. Even if the child eventually decides to go along, mental preparedness is required to understand the sense of loss. The loss of "home", family and friends. Try to make her understand this. Let her know once she has left, it will be a long time before she returns home.
A frequent method is to remove the child away from the parents for a night or two, with their permission. Review feedback from parents and child. I would tend to follow the Mother's view, if the Mother is not under duress from the Father.
As an adult, you have a fiduciary duty onto those not in the prescribe age to make an "informed" duty. Needless to say, think it through as such relationships are more binding and requires thought than most relationships. (You will have to discuss this with your husband if he is supportive of your proposition, if the above goes well.)
Other research sites include UNESCO, UNICEF & WTO, but since you brought this issue up, my guess is that you would be in the know. (Sorry, can't pull up the direct UNESCO site at the moment, site seems busy.)
Fundamental material to consider if you are able to provide:
- education to tertiary level.
- home environment, clothes, etc.
- health care, immunisation issues
- knowledge of her culture and traditions, even if not practiced.
- ability to cope with any potential fallout of psychological damaging.
- if you became a single parent, could you cope?
- time.
2006-09-29 07:08:34 · answer #4 · answered by pax veritas 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Several cultures do this, and it is usually the mom or aunt that does it. Your husband came from that culture and it is normal to him. She probably does not have the choice to go back to the mom, it is up to her dad that brought her here.
This girl will be OK. Traumatized or not it is done and cannot be reversed. Stay and love her and take care of her.
HERE is the question though. Are you planning on having children with this man? If so and it is a girl, is he going to expect or is he going to mutilate your daughter? This is his culture, how he was raised, and he already proved that to you with his response to the docs findings.
God bless you.
2006-09-29 06:44:54 · answer #5 · answered by HEATHER 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure what your rights would be to her as far as custody is concerned. If you are unable to deal with this then I would get out. If she is being abused then you need to get her help thru CPS or a social worker. I am assuming that you have not been mutilated and that being the case your husband may realize that it is part of the west African culture but not part of the US and this may be something to find out where he stands exactly before you do anything drastic. If you do stay with her father and your SD, see about getting her couseling when she gets to her teens because this is a traumatic experience that she went thru.
2006-09-29 06:36:52 · answer #6 · answered by echofayette 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The regulation see's her as an individual. subsequently the charge would not be 'newborn abuse" yet "attack and Battery" or being that's relations "kin attack. preserving of the automobile relies upon on who's call that's registered in ie who's call is on the red slip. If that's quite HER automobile, her call is on the red, that's considered grant robbery automobile. those human beings might want to correctly be searching at fairly some TIME. She needs to call the police and not in any respect wait till the bruises fade away. OR flow the hell out.
2016-12-04 00:59:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you legally adopted the StepD? If not, you have no rights. You could leave and call Child Protective Services though. That is probably considered physical abuse. I'm surprised the Dr hasn't already reported the father.
2006-09-29 06:43:52 · answer #8 · answered by ValleyGal 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why can't you just stay, and protect and love her? Unfortunately, the mutilation is common in some cultures. You have an opportunity to make a change in her life by not running.
2006-09-29 06:34:54 · answer #9 · answered by pknutson_sws 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To me it sounds like a ritualistic custom. Many cultures do this. If it was done a long time ago, she will probably not remember it. I don't know what you can do to help her. This may seem VERY wrong to us but to her culture it may be normal. Speak with another doctor to see what the best course of action to take is.
2006-09-29 06:45:10 · answer #10 · answered by glitz_and_glitter 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would consult, ask your doctor for references to be able to make the best decision. You're in your right to leave him and maybe you're right to want to keep your step daughter but she needs to feel comfortable with you for it to work well. Good luck!
2006-10-02 05:45:08 · answer #11 · answered by Mel 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋