I want my real dad to walk me down the aisle, but my mom and stepdad are paying and won't allow it. Help!

Question

My stepdad has supported me financially, but I don't like him and I don't want him to walk me down the aisle. I want my bio dad to do it. My mom feels like since she and my stepdad are paying and my dad isn't, he shouldn't get to be the father of the bride. She suggests my bio dad walking me the first half of the way and my stepdad the second. I feel like this is dissing my real dad. Also, my stepdad is in a wheelchair and won't be able to lift my veil or anything. I feel like it will be a big spectacle having them both, plus the wheelchair... I won't be the center of attention. I'm angry at my mother for pressuring me. But if my real dad walks me down the aisle, they won't pay for the wedding. Any creative suggestions for how to make everybody happy?

Answer 1

who cares who's paying your an adult and its your wedding and your memories!!

Answer 2

Actually, your mom has a great suggestion. Your father brought you here and you obviously have a good relationship, so him walking you partway down the aisle to your stepdad, who at least financially took over, would be a touching ceremony. It would show maturity and family unity. As a guest at this wedding I would feel very touched by these gestures.
Your dad could complete the trip behind you. He always has your back is what that would say.
Your dad could then lift your veil, or you could stoop down to let your stepdad do it.
This is a happy occasion. Your parents are being generous to you. Consider their feelings too. A wedding is important, but remember the real deal with it is that there will be a marriage after the ceremony. Make this small concession so you won't have to deal with any bad feelings on your big day.
Congratulations.

Answer 3

You could hire clowns for the wedding and you're still the center of attention so stop worrying about that.

Sit down and discuss w/your mom. Make sure you tell her you appreciate her support and that they are offering to pay for your wedding but remind her it's YOUR wedding.

I suspect that there must be something deeper on your mom's part. I wouldn't mention that you don't like your stepdad or the wheelchair part; in fact deny either of those has anything to do with it if she brings it up.

I also suspect you want your dad to walk you down b/c you've thought that's how it would be since you were little. You might think about why you want your dad to walk you down the aisle as well. If it's a reason that's deep in your heart share it w/your mom and explain to her you have your heart set on it and really don't want to look back on your wedding day with this issue hanging over it. Then maybe the two of you could figure out a way to honor both your mom and stepdad in a different part of the wedding.

Or consider walking alone and presenting each parent with a rose on your way up. Unless your dad did something to warrant it, both parents need to set aside any anamosity towards each other for your special day.

Final solution, pay for yourself. You don't have to spend a lot of money to have a special day.

Answer 4

This sounds a bit more like a soap opera fiasco than a special wedding day. I suggest that you wait to get married until you and your fiance can afford to pay for it all yourself. If you are mature enough to get married, you should also be financially secure enough to pay for it yourself. This is a control issue. It is your wedding, but because you can not afford the wedding, you are not in control. I disagree that having both of them walk you down the aisle would be distracting attention away from you. On the contrary, if I attended a wedding where the bride was escorted by both father and step-father, I would find that all the more special and meaningful that everyone could put aside their differences and get along for just one important day. Your step-father did play a role in your life and you don't want to "diss" him either ( I am sorry, I don't mean to be rude, but is it possible that your are too young to get married? The only people I know who use the word "diss" are teenagers.) Consider eloping and having a reception later. Consider waiting. What does your fiance say about all this? It is his wedding, too. Also, traditionally, it is your new husband who will lift your veil after the vows are said to kiss the bride. But, if your step-dad was to be the one to lift the veil, all you'd have to do is bend down a little so he could reach it.

Answer 5

It is your wedding day. Be thankful to your mother and step dad for paying for the wedding, but tell them you feel strongly about your father walking you down the isle.

Could another compromise be that step dad is already at the alter and dad walks you down the aisle? Speak to the minister, rabbi or judge that is officiating the wedding and ask for help. The person officiating may have another idea that will make everyone happy.

Keep in mind the wedding day is just a day, you have a lifetime married. You also still have your father no matter what happens.

Congratulations and good luck.

Answer 6

So, what if you had your biological father walk you down the aisle (since your step-dad kinda can't), then have your step-dad be the one who actually gives you away?

Also, my sister-in-law had a similar problem...both of her parents re-married after they divorced. Her biological father walked her down the aisle, and then when the preacher asked who was giving her to the groom, all four parents stood up and said "We do". Maybe you could incorporate all of your parents in a similar manner.

Also, I thought it was the groom who lifted the veil...doesn't that happen just before you kiss? I have never been to a wedding where the bride had a veil over her face, so I kinda don't know about that custom.

Answer 7

You need to sit down with your mom and explain to her that your biological father is the one who will walk you down the aisle. Your stepdad cannot "buy" fatherhood. He is not your real father, you don't want him to walk you down the aisle, so he will not walk you down the aisle. Period. If she fusses, tell her it's your real dad or no one; you'll go solo if you have to.

Perhaps your mother isn't clear on what walking someone down the aisle means. The dad walks the daughter down the aisle and then gives her away to the groom; this shows how the father accepts that he is no longer the main man in her life, and he gives that up to the groom. If your stepdad takes over halfway, that symbolically means that your father gives you away to HIM, who then gives you away to the groom. It would symbolically mean that your dad gave up being your dad a long time ago.

Besides, it would look stupid. It isn't fair of your mother to put this demand on you. Her issues with your real dad should not affect you like this. I assume she won't let you dance the daddy-daughter dance with your real father either?

If I were you, I would not take her money and would have my real father walk me. Or, if her words were "if your real dad walks you down the aisle, we won't pay for the wedding," then I would seriously walk alone and still get the money.

EDIT: If you haven't picked a ceremony location, find one that isn't handicapped accessible, or at least one where a wheelchair can't possibly go down the aisle.

Answer 8

Niece just went through this too. She had dad walk her down the aisle, where they met step-dad (he wheeled out from the side by the groomsmen when she started down the aisle and got to the end the same time she did) She then took both of their hands and they both gave her away. When asked who gives this woman, they answered together, with my sister, We all do! It was very touching that she could let past problems be set aside for a wonderful day for everyone. When they had the father/daughter dance at the reception, bio dad danced to "Daddy's little girl" with her and step dad danced to "I knew the bride when she used to rock and roll" Lots of fun!

Answer 9

the problem here is that u don't like ur stepfather...!! that, I think, is reason enough to not want him to walk u down the eisle. i mean, if u didn't have a bio father to walk u down and u refused ur stepdad, it would be kinda "mean". but since u DO have someone to walk u down, they should understand it is your decision, and not to Hurt them. your mother sounds extremely controlling, and they are using their monetary compensation as excuse to bully you around! that is not right, and not fair. either don't take the money, try to compromise, or be firm about having your father walk you down.

perhaps u can come up w/ some different suggestions...ur step father the 1st half, ur bio father the 2nd half.... or walk down alone, and have both stand at the end and kiss u and give u away together. if i were u i wouldn't sweat the wheel chair part; i'm sure u would NEVER have a problem with it if you DID like ur stepfather u know? =T but figure out the Real problem, which is you not liking ur stepfather and therefore not wanting him to walk u down.

Answer 10

How sad for you that on your special day every one wants control one way or the other. I realize that you are in quite the quandary on this on. I would suggest that since your step father is in a wheel chair he could go in front of you and your father kinda like lead the way. Then your father could actually walk you down the aisle. I must tell you that I understand about not liking your step-father but he must care about you to pay for your wedding. Why create bad blood when both dad's can be included. Personally if I was in attendance I would see that as very sweet and a statement for the respect you have for both fathers.

Answer 11

I think it's really immature of your mother and stepdad to threaten not to help pay for the wedding if they don't get their way. It's YOUR wedding, not THEIRS!!!!!

I would say you are just going to have to tell them how it is, this is your wedding and you want your real dad to walk you down the aisle. You might have to just figure out ways to pay for the wedding yourself and foot the bill yourself; it's your wedding day and I wouldn't compromise and let somebody else have their way just because of that. You might regret it later if you don't stick to what you want to do, especially when it comes to your real dad. If your mother had half of a conscience she would let you have your bio dad walk you down the aisle.