My Mother-In-Law is horrible....what should I do?

Question

She lives 5 minutes away from us. Is constantly causing problems. We have an 11 month old (hes the 1st grandchild) and she thinks she has the right to him whenever she feels like it, shows up at our house unannounced all the time, and makes up lies about us to family to cause problems...I feel horrible for my husband since it's his mom and I know he wants things to be ok with her, but things just keep happening. She goes to counseling every week to deal with her problems so I don't exactly blame everything she does on her....what can I do to make things better between us and her?

Answer 1

You need to discuss it with your husband and see what you need to do. It may be causing some problems with him and maybe talking about it wil help both of you. You both need to stand as one when it comes to her if its a problem and decide on a reasonable plan.

Answer 2

There are several ways to deal with this kind of situation:

1. Grin and Bear it. You said she goes to counseling, so maybe one day she'll realize what's she's been doing isn't cool and she'll back off...either that or someone else will have a kid that she can dote on.

2. Confront her Peacefully. Tell her exactly what's bothering you, but do it in the most gentle way that you can. Don't be accusing, put it on yourself, as in: "I'm so sorry Doris, but it really makes me uncomfortable when you come over unannounced. It's not that we don't want to see you, it's just that I'm not accustomed to that, my family never did it, and I just can't get used to it...please understand." Or something along those lines.

3. Confront her Viciously. You can threaten to limit the access she has to your family, change your locks, don't answer the door when she comes over...better yet move or threaten to move, far.
But I don't recommend this course of action...it's the B*tch thing to do...but some people may use this method...

Good Luck!!!

Answer 3

You have to talk to you husband to stop to act like a guilty sun and became a good husband , to keep her away from his family or go far away from her , otherwise all of you will be still suffering , including your child who has nothing to do with all of this and if she can control herself to put her in a place where other people can control her for her best sake too ,there isn't another way out from this ,all of you will fell horrible for ever because any responsible person not have the guts to do the only right thing that can be done.

Answer 4

Hey, that sounds like the grandma on "Everybody Loves Raymond." Sounds like she's afraid of being left out, maybe you could talk to her and give her certain days where she can baby-sit her grandchild, and certain days when she can't come over? You should also sit her down and ask her why she does those things, it could have been something that happened in her childhood, like perhaps she was neglected as a child and is trying to heal her inner child through her grandchild.

Answer 5

I had the same problem with my mother in law. She was always taking the baby and going into another room and shutting the door. She would stay in there until she had to go to work, then she would come out and hand the baby to us and leave. Then the she would come home(we lived with them for a while). It got so bad that we had this big blowout and no one talked to us for about 3 weeks. Finally I opened my mouth and just plain out told them everything that was bothering me and my husband (at the time) did too but it took me starting it.

Answer 6

Your mother-in-law leaves 5 minutes away?? Ok well I'd move. Or change my locks. Do not give her the key. My mother-in-law lived next door and shed come in whenever she wanted. Ok so I changed my llocks and then I moved because the problem escalded. Try talking to your husband. It sounds like Everybody loves Raymond. Try watching that show its funny and it helped me deal with my mom problems.

Answer 7

I have the same problem. The best thing to do is to stop letting mom baby her child.. She has to understand that they are grown up now and have a life. But the child of the mother has to make the move and no one else can, they have to stand up to her as hard as it may be, because if not, it will never end. I mean it !

PS
He might not even thing thats its a huge deal, since he grew up with it... hes use to it, youre not you see it more!

Answer 8

I had similar issues with my mother-in-law after we had our first (and her first granchild) and what we had to do was send my husband over to her house to have a talk with her. He actually went by himself so she would get it straight from him and not feel "ganged up on". I'm not sure if this has already happened in your case, but in mine, it made a HUGE difference. No more coming over unannounced, no more telling me how to care for the baby, no more comments to family/freinds, etc. Granted, my mother-in-law did not need a counselor and did not have other issues to deal with, however whatever issues your mother-in-law has, they should not prevent her from being courteous and respectful of your family. I recommend your husband addresses this with her privately, and as gently as possible.

Answer 9

Do what I did: move to Alaska.

But seriously...you have a right to the sanctity of your home; and even though she is family, she still needs to arrange in advance if she'd like to come over. So if she drops by unannounced, you smile politely at the door and say, "It was very sweet of you to stop by, but we're not really prepared to receive guests right now. Why don't you give us a call and we can arrange for a proper get-together?" And then you CLOSE THE DOOR on her, and DON'T OPEN IT UP AGAIN.

It's called "tough love" -- eventually she'll get the hint, just the way she probably taught it to her son -- "Your house, your rules."

As far as her being a gossip goes, there's not a lot you can do unless you catch her in the act of telling another family member a lie -- in which case you call her on it in front of everyone....maybe something like, "Well, THAT was a very unkind thing to say....even if it IS a lie!"

Don't put up with her sh!t; life's too short, and you've got a family of your own to protect from her poison.

Answer 10

This must be awful for you Jessica. If she's ill, all you can do is tolerate it. Well done for supporting your husband.......men are often given a hard time by their mothers when they marry. Have a chat with your husband to make it clear that you aren't very happy with this situation but you will keep your mouth shut if you can support each other.

Good luck.