I met this guy and he is very nice...we had a great time on our first date. For the second date he invited me for dinner at his place...he has a 7yr old son and figured its good to meet his son right away since they are a package deal. I was hesitant at first but went anyway....mind you this is the first time dating someone with kids...I do not have any of my own...but i love kids. Anyway, I went for dinner and I really started feeling out of sorts so I told my date how I felt and that I think it was way too soon ....he understands and is glad i was honest. Do you think It was just too soon to meet his son or should I not be with someone who has kids?
2006-09-29 06:08:56 · 18 answers · asked by karaoke742000 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
As a mom who is doing the dating thing, I can say that if you felt "out of sorts" over one meal with the child, then you need to find a guy with no children. Yes, those of us with children are package deals & you need to be able to accept that or move on. You didn't say why you felt out of sorts - was the child misbehaving? was it cos you & dad couldn't be alone? Because you have to understand, no matter how much he cares for your or wants to be with you - his son is ALWAYS going to come first & he's always going to be there. It's a fact. Kids are not convenient to dating - they require patience, love, time & effort. If you can't handle it, walk away now before you see him again. It probably was too soon to meet the child, but I've taken mine along on 2 first dates - both times went very well. One guy didn't have kids & he got along with them fine, but not great. The man I'm seeing now has children of his own & he loves mine & treats them better than their own father ever did. You probably are better off looking for someone with no attachments at this stage in your life - whether or not you love kids.
2006-09-29 06:35:41 · answer #1 · answered by pumpkin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure how old you are, and that could make a difference too. My current BF and I (he's 34, I'm 35) have been together for 2 years now. When we first started dating, his son was 3. We waited for almost 6 months before I met his son. That might seem like too long to wait, but I thought it was best to make sure that this was something that was going to last before bringing him into the mix. Looking back, I know it was the right choice to make. I love his son as much as I love him - and his son loves me too. If his son and I had developed this relationship too early and it didn't work out between his father and I, we both would've felt the loss and been hurt by the separation.
In my opinion, the right thing to do is wait until you're secure in the relationship with the parent first - THEN you meet his child.
As far as dating someone w/ kids in general....I don't have any children of my own, and never pictured myself w/ someone who has kids either. But, lo and behold, his son has become a huge part of my life.
Hope my opinion helped !
2006-09-29 06:21:36 · answer #2 · answered by earthlove32 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I went thru the same thing wehen I started dating again some years ago. I don't have kids, but all the women I seem to run across do. So I decided that this was something I'd have to deal with if I wanted any hope of having a relationship.
It was probably a couple months before I met the kids the first time, and I was nervous about it, but it went ok. You deal with it and get use to it. It's not so bad. I found out that I'm good with kids......I love them, and I've always gotten along really well with them.
One woman just dumped me because I said exactly what you did...that I wasn't ready, but she sprung meeting him on me at the last minute, and her last relationship abandoned her and her son, so I woudl have thought if anyone would, she would have been understanding about that, but apparently not.
At least the man you're talking about is aware and understanding of how you feel, so I'd say you both did the right thing and keep going along. You'll do great.
Good luck to you. :)
2006-09-29 06:17:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm single with two kids. It's good you're honest with your feelings. However, do this: Think about what he must be going through. In his priorities, his son is #1. He probably feels blessed and priveleged to have you in his life. The balancing act is emotionally draining. It sounds to me he respects you because he isn't forcing the "package deal". However, you also must be on the look out that he isn't trying to find a new mommy for his son. That's the wrong reasons to date. Then again, it sounds like you're making your stance about how you feel. What does he say/feel? Remember this, no matter how you look at it, the relationship is between him and you. The idea of a package deal is like saying you are marrying his entire family. Focus on him and on you. That's the relationship that's important and will be the corner stone. All other relationships branch off of that. It's really not a "package" but "accessories", including his son.
Good luck.
2006-09-29 06:18:40 · answer #4 · answered by ntoriano 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
As a father who has an 8y/o daughter at home, I would say it was too earlier in a relationship to meet his boy. But, it seems that this man is alright with it. I, personally, do not have anyone meet my daughter, until well after being with someone for 2 months.
Although this seriously cuts down on our time together, i would rather have that, then having my daughter meet people too soon. I don't want her to think that its okay to go from one person to another, and have her see that as the norm.
2006-09-29 06:16:38 · answer #5 · answered by klgemini29 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think for his son's sake it was way too soon. Kids shouldn't be exposed to every date their parent goes out with. It's too confusing for them at this age. It has the potential to leave the child unable to form attachments, because every time Dad dates someone, he brings her home, child gets attached, then three months later the relationship is over and he abruptly never sees her again, but has to meet the next new date and so on. Dad shouldn't be introducing his son to someone until he suspects she is the Ms. Right who will be his son's step-mother.
2006-09-29 06:13:16 · answer #6 · answered by auskan2002 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Second date is WAY too soon - he should have waited for AT LEAST 6 months.
Don't worry about dating a guy with kids, but you do need to realize it's a package deal. Also keep in mind that you will NEVER be the kids mother - your goal should be to be their trusted friend.
Good Luck!
2006-09-29 06:12:47 · answer #7 · answered by RT 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
first off he obviously likes you enough to introduce you to his son and invite you over for dinner... i do not think it was to soon for him to introduce you. he just wants you to know that his son plays an important part in his life. that should give you a clue right there this is a kind and caring man. a man who puts his sons needs with his also. i feel bad that you felt out of sorts. maybe you just not ready to be with a man who had a child. or could it be your fear of mother hood. I do not think it was way to soon. but then this is coming from a single mom here. you should be proud that he wanted to share an important part of his life with you. you can not make his son go away. and with time, if it was meant to be, you will not feel so out of sorts... maybe next time you could invite the two of them to your place. then it would be your teritory and you may feel more comfortable. if you really like the guy, then you should hang in there...but remember his son needs to come first in his life. i take it this is the first guy you dated that had a child...... well take a good look at things, and see if you could see yourself having a future with this man. but if him having a son, is an obstacle for you, then you need to tell him and let him know that even though you think he is a great guy with a great kid, that you just not ready to date someone who has a child. he will understand. tell him in a nice way. tell him, i see how much your son means to you, and i do not want to take time away from you and your son. your son needs you. Only you will know if it was to soon, or if you are just not interested in someone with kids... or could it be the fear of motherhood. maybe your not ready to be a role model in his life.. i mean that in a good way..... but if you really like this guy then go for it....
2006-09-29 06:17:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it was too soon to meet his because it was your second date, becaus e with if things don't work out and the kid loves you as his dad's girlfriend, then the kid would be sad and deprested. So you should have waited intill you got to know your boyfriend before going into his house or at least seeing the child.
2006-09-29 06:13:40 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it was just too soon. I don't think you should write a guy off just because he has children. That sort of thing can give a child the impression that he or she is not wanted, just because the child is not your biological child does not mean that the two of you can't love each other in time. I raised two children that were not mine, but I think of them as mine and I love them very much and they feel the same way about me.
2006-09-29 06:22:02 · answer #10 · answered by smoke 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋