My BF has a very depressive personality. He's definitely a glass 1/2 empty kind of guy. This is not to say that he doesn't treat ME well, but he's very negative about himself. I'm an upbeat, see the positive side of everything person and I feel so bad for him that he walks around in a cloud of negativity all the time. I've made subtle hints to him that there are prescription medications that could possibly help him, but he's not interested. I really love him, but the continuous depressive state is almost unbearable some days. How do I help him to see the positive things in his life and not just the negative? How can a relationship work between a manic depressive and an eternal optimist ?
2006-09-29 05:53:11 · 18 answers · asked by earthlove32 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
When I first met my wife, we were total opposites. She was a total optimist and I was totally negative and a pesimist. She was always talking about how beautiful the sky was or the flowers,etc and I was close to suicidal. Being with her has changed my life drastically for the better. You can do the same for your man. I did finally get on antidepressants and wow...what a difference it made in my personality. I wish you luck and just say if you love him work on bringing him up and be careful not to let him drag you down. You may be the best thing that ever happens to him.
2006-09-29 06:00:02 · answer #1 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a very negative, glass half empty kind of person and my boyfriend is the opposite. We find a balance and sometimes he gets on my case, and I try to tone it down. I don't know how old you are, but sometimes age improves an outlook. I also know that I go through cycles...so if you love him, don't give up!
2006-09-29 12:57:43 · answer #2 · answered by noambition 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have the same problem with my spouse. She is very negative about everything. It's like having an anchor around you all the time while swimming to shore. Either you are strong enough to pull it around or you're not. In any case know when to cut the anchor free if you find you're going down.
2006-09-29 12:56:56 · answer #3 · answered by Cary Grant 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you care about someone who's depressed, here are some suggestions for what you can do to help them.
1. Educate yourself. There are countless sites on the Internet where you can learn about depression, it's symptoms, and treatment. My Depression FAQ is an excellent starting place. Learn about informed consent and the legal aspects of treatment in your state. Read up on disability law as it applies to the mentally ill.
2. Put yourself in their shoes. Learn what depression feels like, the misconceptions about mental illness that they must deal with, and get the facts about what depression really is.
3. Take care of yourself. Feelings of depression are contagious. Periodically take some time to step back from the situation and recharge your batteries.
4. It's okay to feel upset, angry, frustrated. These feelings are a valid response to a very trying situation. Join a support group, talk with a close friend, or see a therapist. The important thing is vent your frustrations rather than allowing them to build up inside.
5. Be there for them. Give them a shoulder to cry on or just listen while they spill out their hearts to you. Be patient with them. Let them know that you care. Share the things you've learned while researching depression. Let them know it's not their fault, that they're not weak or worthless.
6. Remember that the depressed person's behavior isn't indicative of the "real" person. The depressed person has impaired social skills. They may be withdrawn and shy or sullen and angry. When the depressed person lashes out in anger, it's because they're actually angry with themselves and the way they feel. You just happen to be there. When your spouse or significant other doesn't feel like having sex, don't take it personally. Loss of sex drive is a classic symptom of depression. It doesn't mean they don't love you.
7. Depressed people aren't lazy. They're ill. Everyday activities like cleaning house, paying bills, or feeding the dog may seem overwhelming to them. You may have to take up the slack for them for awhile. Just like if they had the flu, they simply don't feel up to it.
8. Medications and therapy are crucial to their recovery. Help keep them on track with treatment. Help to ease their fears about treatment by letting them know that they're not crazy.
9. Offer hope in whatever form they will accept it. This could be their faith in God, their love of their children, or anything else that makes them want to go on living. Find what works best for them and remind them of it whenever they're not sure they can hang on any longer. If they're suicidal, you may need to seek immediate help. There are some very valuable suicide resources on the Internet that will help you to help your loved cope with suicidal feelings as well.
10. Love them unconditionally and let me know it's their illness you're frustrated with, not them.
http://depression.about.com/cs/basicfacts/a/howtohelp.htm
2006-09-29 13:22:38 · answer #4 · answered by super_sexy_amazona 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't think you can help him because he doesn't want help and is not going to get help. You need to break up with this guy because you can do better. But also when you do break up with him will realize that he has lost someone that he loves because he didn't want to get help with his problem and will get help and come back to you. he can also go to a phycologist the best answer is that for his problem they will help see life in a positive way.
2006-09-29 12:58:59 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
are you sure hes not playing you? i had a guy on more than one occasion always say negative stuff about himself when i was around to try to get me to feel sorry for him, i dunno if maybe he thought it would make me wanna be with him to cheer him up, if he wanted to get more of my attention, or what. buy him a bottle of saint johns wort, you dont even need to go to the doctor and let him see you take one ( it wont hurt you ) maybe hell ask what your doing and you can say oh i take these to keep me from feeling down you want some? it should make him feel better in a few days.
good luck though if he isnt fakeing.
2006-09-29 12:57:43 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your friend has to be willing to help himself. Sounds like he really needs to be on medication. If he refuses to see a doctor, I'm afraid that your life is going to be very miserable. You have to decide what is best for you. Are you willing to put up with this?
2006-09-29 13:00:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
just stay close to him make him sick of you being happy about him keep him thinking about how happy you are with him don't keep telling him about good things about himself he has heard them all ready just make sure he knows that he makes you so freakin happy until he can't stand it he'll soon get over he problems also so don't stop doing things that you kow he likes no matter what something makes him get up go. ps be that thing until he can't stand it. no need for pills sometimes the problem is small but very deep rooted. good luck!
2006-09-29 13:02:45 · answer #8 · answered by neo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're such an optimist, what attracts you to a pessimist? You need to ask yourself why you want to be with someone who doesn't share your rosey outlook and glass-half-full attitude. The problem is not him...it's you.
2006-09-29 13:01:00 · answer #9 · answered by lidlolady 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It works good for me and my girl she keeps me focused on all the good things in our life
Being grateful for what I have not what I don't
and I am slowly becoming a more positive thinking person
Hang in there if you believe in him
2006-09-29 12:57:29 · answer #10 · answered by tacoma_fast_ball 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋