what can i do to get my kid to clean room?

Question

need some advice - my 11 year old kid doesn't like to clean her room and it seems i always end up doing for her. i have to always show her how to clean it but she seems to hate doing it. i can't get her to clean up after her dog either, i mean she does but complains. she never helps me clean around the house either. am i trying to give her to many responsibilities? she loves watching tv and gets even more angry when i make her turn it off to clean.

Answer 1

Can't tell from your question or message if you are a single parent. If you are, it will be much tougher, as the other parent can reinforce the first parent's demand of the child.

Let's assume you are a single parent.

If I were having to deal with this issue I would make the following statement/demand: Forthwith, from this day forward, this room will be cleaned spick and span to MY specifications (and would make a list, and she would sign an agreement). Each (name day) I will review the room. ANYTHING not within the agreement will be discarded into the trash or given to charity. There will be a limit to the number of toys. Study time will be set up. TV time will be set up as "acceptable" provided the grades are kept up. If she makes extra effort, she can see (you make the reward of a specific show or event). She will also be expected to assist in housework. You will provide a list of every duty you feel she can handle, design these duties into grids of something different each week, mixed to keep some interest. Anything you have to "redo" she has to do again the following week and add it to the others.

She needs to understand that she is not a "guest" of your house. She is a member that is expected to participate in the maintenance of it - her way of building "equity", so to speak. She will learn what it will take to run her own home someday, and see that it is not easy and requires some sweat and time.

If you can get other family members to back you up in front of her, she will see that you are not "picking" on her, but that this is a normal way of being a family member. We all have to pitch in and help; it's the fair way to do things. When she gets old enough to earn her own money, she can call the shots at her own place. But for NOW she is HERE and these are the RULES.

My best to you! Catch her NOW before she becomes a teen!!!

Answer 2

My daughter is 8 so I don't know if this will help, but this is what I did. I gave her a list of 10 things to do every day. Some are as little as put shoes away, play with dog, homework, but others are take out bathroom garbage, clean room, make bed, etc. I posted it in her room and until all are done there is no TV. If she chooses not to do them I will take the tv right out of her room or unplug the Living room tv. If she does them all week long then she can watch TV on the weekend, if not she can find other things to do. It generally works for us. Good Luck

Answer 3

Sometimes being a good parent means more agony for us...but it's a must. First thing, no more t.v. It's not really good for kids anyways and if she's getting angry about shutting it off to clean, it shows she's a bit too into it and forgetting lifes responsibilities. You might have to hear her complain and whine, but so be it. You let her know you are the boss and you aren't giving in till she does what you expect of her. I promise, in you teaching her responsibility around the house, you are helping her with her future. She needs to learn that t.v. is a privelage and not a right...and until she can meet your expectations the t.v. is off limits. And DO NOT CLEAN HER ROOM FOR HER!! I know, you want it clean! You can't stand it can you? I know just where you're coming from, but leave it be and make her clean it up. She is 11 and quite capable of doing it herself. Sometimes we just have to buckle down as parents and wait it out....It may take her a few days...a week....or possibly longer, but she will learn that you mean business!! Best of luck to you!!!

Answer 4

Nobody likes to do things they don't want to do. Start showing her this... what if you didn't do the things you don't like to do? What if she has no clean clothes to wear some day, or nothing to eat because you and your husband grabbed a burger on the way home, and didn't want to go through the hassle of having to carry something home for her. What if you decide at the last moment you don't want to take her somewhere you'd promised to take her? What if the next time she doesn't pick up after her dog, the dog isn't there anymore, because you don't want to pick up after it either [have a friend take care of it for a while; don't actually get rid of it].

She needs to learn we do many things in life, even though we don't want to, but which make life harmonious for all concerned, which makes life better for us as well. The things I've told you to do will not harm her, or cause any negative damage, but will teach her the lessons she needs to learn. It is far better she learns those lessons now, when nothing lost is of much value at that age, than to go on believing that life will always bend to end her tantrums and/or laziness.

Answer 5

Sometimes you've got to do something that your kid doesn't like, it's the only way they learn responsibility, etc. I don't think kids should be overburdened with chores, but when it comes to keeping their room clean, that's their mess they need to clean it. Try taking their approach, and don't do something for them, like make dinner or wash their favorite jeans because you were too busy watching tv. Shift the point of view a little bit. Either that, or tell them you hid a $20 bill somewhere in the room under all the crap on the floor.

Answer 6

So stop cleaning her room ... leave it for a few days and see if she likes it to be a smelly, dusty fleapit ... then when she takes an interest in actually cleaning it, encourage her and don't go off on one! Same goes for the dog ... if it's too messy, put it in the shed or somewhere the rest of the family don't have to go too often ... then when she wants it in the house, tell her gently about cleaning up after it.

Turning the telly off is one surefire way to start an argument but if you explain to her that she can watch it when she has cleaned her room and/or cleaned up after the dog, she might come round.

Answer 7

then ground her from the TV for about 3 days and then maybe next time she will not argue about cleaning her room...you r not being hard enough on her...u say u always end up cleaning it for her,well i wouldn't clean my house on my own if someone just came over to do it for me! let her know she has to do it & she gets no tv or any thing else that she likes if its not clean! u say u r trying to teach her responsibility?...well by doing it for her u r teaching her nothing ...my 12 year old son cleans his own room & he has chores he has to do every day after his foot ball practice he does his homework has a snack then he washes any dishes and straightens the living room ...as well as feeds & waters the dog & cat...& he knows if he doesnt do this then he doesnt get to watch any tv or play on the computer & no videio games...stand your ground & remember YOU r the parent not the friend ..start acting like it!!...your daughter is going to get mad at u sometimes ,well a lot of times but that is part of being a parent!!......u act like she is 5 or something my god she is 11 years old she is almost a teen, u need to get a hold on her or she is going to be one wild teen!....even my 5 year old daughter helps me clean her room shes not doing it by her self yet but pretty soon she will be!

Answer 8

Make a chart of things she needs to do. Have her to check off what she has done before she goes to bed. Then reward her for helping and if she has not done anything than no tv the next day or ever how long you want. I know some people are going to say don't reward for cleaning their own room, but some times it feels good for us to get a pat on the back when we do something good.

Answer 9

All kids complain that is their job. If you show her that you are not backing down - ie. doing it for her then she will know thateventually she will have to do it. I would not put too much on her. A lot of people say just close the door which I did for my daugther - with the occassional hassling in between when I could not control myself. - She is off to college and so far via the webcam her room looks pretty orderly.

I remember complaining myself when I was a kid - who really feels like being a complete angel and doing everything they are told. The kid would be a robot!!!!!

Have fun!

Answer 10

When I had this issue, I did 2 things. First I would sit in her room with her and tell her what to pick up and where to put it. When I was satisfied she new what to do and she still didn't clean her room, we took all of her stuff out of her room(i made her help) and she had to earn it all back. All that was in her room was a bed and a dresser. She had to show me, by helping around the house and making her bed that she could handle having anything except necessities in her room. Her room still isn't spotless all the time now (she is still a kid), but if I tell her to tidy it up, she's on it. It only take her minutes compared to the hours I used to have to nag her to do it.