If you were adopted would you be interested in knowing your biological parents?

Question

I know this is a deep personal question, but if you're proud of being adopted by some wonderful people; then I would love for you to share.

Answer 1

Let me first say that if you are not part of an adoption triangle, you cannont imagine, assume or even contemplate what it would be like to experience adoption. It's fine to relay stories about others who have experienced it, but please don't answer or express your opinion/view just to gain points!

I am a 39 year old female adoptee.

My birth great-grandmother overheard a woman at church say that she wanted to adopt a baby girl. My birthmother had already left (when I was 5 months old) and my birth grandmother was taking care of me. The three of them got together with a lawyer and at 19 months, I was officially adopted by a young couple with a four year old son. Two years later the same couple also adopted my older brother. Soon afterwards, my adoptive parents were divorced, leaving my adoptive mom to raise 3 kids solo.

If your children are adopted, they should grow up knowing that, so tell them when they are small, maybe about 2 or 3. Or if they are older you should tell them right away. Common since says they'll know pretty much after that. They might not understand it right away, but will grow up knowing they are special and loved.
As far back as I can remember, by adoptive mom would tell people that we were adopted, but she would always use it as leverage. She'd make me feel that I was lucky she came along and that I was second rate.

I guess it was no mystery that I wanted to know my biological parents. During childhood, I did have the opportunity to meet my birthmother. 1st at age 8 and then again when I was 19. Even at the age of 8, I had no desire to get to know her. My gut instict told me not to go there so I didn't push any kind of relationship with her. I have always felt that I was better off being adopted. Life with my adopted mom wasn't a bed of roses, but one thing she had was a lot of support and resources. We were always involved in church, scouts and extra-curricular activites. My extended family (adoptive) made us feel important and loved. They did'nt share my adoptive mother's view on telling us how lucky we were to be rescued.

There came a time when I wanted to find my birthparents. My adoptive mom did not object or block my search in any way. When I was in my 20's, I moved to the same town as my birthmother so I could get to know her better. While I never have shared a loving relationship with her, I did learn why she gave us up. By getting to know her better, I learned to appreciate my life as it was and I no longer fantisized about how it could have been. Most adoptees would refer to this as filling the hole or emptiness that is felt by not knowing your birthparents.

Now that I am a mother I have also learned to appreciate the decisions that both mother's made.

The hole, for me, was only partially filled at that point because I still had not met my father. Since they were never married and parted ways shortly after my conception, finding my father proved to be a little more difficult. He didn't even know I existed.

When I was 24, I tracked him down. (that's a miraculous story in itself) After the initial shock wore off (took about 30 minutes) We agreed to meet. I have to say that finding my father is just about the best thing that has ever happened to me (Next to finding my Heavenly Father) For 15 years now he has added neverending joy to my life and has been an intregal part of my children's lives.
The man drives from Las Vegas to Memphis every year to see me and my kids. He has regrets that he didn't know about me. He says he would have come and gotten me when my mom left if he had known. We have grieved for the life we could have had together, but we rejoice in the relationship we share now. Everyday we have together is a blessing. We don't live in the past. We only celebrate today!

Answer 2

I'm curious about everything, so I certainly would want to know. I don't know that I'd desire or expect some warm fuzzy new family, but I think in most cases there is an empty hole of the unknown, and having it filled by any means helps.

I know adopted children and adults who gave up children, and I've seen the gamut of reunions... but in most cases, it was helpful.

It really has to do with the individuals involved... the adoptive parents really have to want the best for their child and not be threatened by the bio parent.... and the bio parent really needs to watch their expectations. So does the child.... some bio parents really don't want to go back there.

There are professionals that can help with the transition, and volunteer groups... and I would always recommend getting support from those who know.

It is my opinion that there certainly is room for additional love in any family.... and room for forgiveness as well, if necessary.

The number one reason to know for me is health history...
In one situation, there wasn't an adoption but the grandfather's identity is not known.... and so there is always the mystery of family health history.... So if it had been my family, if there had been any way to find out, I would have wanted to know.

Answer 3

I think that for everyone it's a personal choice. My friend did and regreted it. My half sister never knew her biological father and since my dad adopted her and has raised her she doesn't want to. My cousins are both adopted (twins)and one does and one doesn't. They love my aunt and uncle very much and have never been made to feel like they were'nt their kids, if you understand what i mean, but the one is curious as to why she was put up for adoption and the other says that they didn't want to know her then so why would they now. I guess it all depends on how you feel about it.

Answer 4

I just want to contribute a different point of view. I'm not adopted but I have an adopted daughter. She has a limited relationship with her birth family and I think it is wonderful. I don't feel like I'm sharing her nor do I feel threatened by that relationship. When she sees her birth mother it is like they are friends - something that I cannot afford to be for her since I must be the parent.
She has two families that love her and it makes her feel good knowing that.

Answer 5

I found out I was adopted at age 36. I did search for my biological family and after an eight month search I found them.
I did not know what I was going to find or what to expect.
For me, finding my biological father was the best thing I ever did.
He is truly a wonderful man and we have a lot in common.
(I longed for many years to have something in common with a family member even though I was not aware I was adopted)

If I were to give anyone any advice about wanting to search, keep this in mind.......Hope for the best and expect the worst.
You really don't know what or who you will find or if you will be accepted. I found out things about my biological family which quite frankly, FREAKED ME OUT.

Stay excited but be cautious for your own emotional stability!

Answer 6

I have 2 good friends who are adopted. The girl found her biological mother and was hurt and disappointed. It turned out that the issues that led her to give her baby up were still there and she was no one my friend wanted around her or her kids. My male friend just had his first child and while he has a wonderful family, he is curious about where he came from. He would like to know more about his biological family for the sake of his child. he is still trying to decide whether or not to pursue it.

Answer 7

That's a tough question to answer. Some people are very satisified with their life and don't feel the need to go and find their biological parents. However some feel like there is something missing and therefore need that void filled. I know that I am a curious person and I would always wonder, so I would want to find out. My sister-in-law found out that her father is not her biological father and she has no need to find her real father. She is happy with her life in that aspect, she doesn't have a void to be filled.

Answer 8

I am not adopted... but if i would have been - while having wonderful parents - i would not have ever bothered to know the truth behind my disposal or agony or whatever may be the real reason for my biological parents. As "Yashoda Maa " was always considered the more of a parent then his real biological mother.

Answer 9

It would all depend on why I was adopted, If I found it true that the reason was just because my parents did not want me, I would not want to know them. If you have good adopted parents, that have loved and raised you, I wouldn't even call them adopted. Families are made up of all kinds of people and it doesn't take blood to have one. That's just my opinion, and I honestly wouldn't know for sure since I am not adopted...Take care!

Answer 10

I'm not adopted, but if I were...I know I'd want to find out who my biological parents were. Your biological parents have so much to do w/ knowing who you are when it comes to the roots of things.