Which social skills are kids supposedly learning at school that homeschoolers supposedly aren't?

Question

I'm so tired of "they won't have any social skills" or "they'll lose their social skills if you take them out of school." I'd like to know what this supposedly means.

Also, I'd be interested in hearing the reverse: which social skills do you think are better developed homeschooling than in school?

I've come to check on the answers and there's very little that's explicitly said about the social skills that homeschooled kids are supposedly missing out on. Being teased is not a social skill and some of the teasing that goes on in school is actually bullying. I'd love for someone to find a psychologist or psychiatrist who thinks that emotional damage done to a child is actually good for their emotional development.

As to some actual social skills brought up: Kids don't share much in school. Seems to me that siblings at home with each other most of the time would learn more about sharing than those sitting in school where everybody has their own pencils, scissors, pens, etc. There are plenty of opportunities outside of school to learn to take turns. There are also plenty of opportunities to learn to handle other kids. I frankly didn't grow up learning how other kids learned and don't see how that's a social skill, much less an important one.

I don't see how a class with a ton of students is real world and a family setting is not. The real world is not made up of businesses with 30 people sitting in the same room, the same age, working on the same project at the same time all day, every day. The real world is not made up of a boss telling the employees when they can go to the bathroom. I've yet to see a doctor's office or even a store set up anything like a classroom. In fact, other than educational institutions, I have yet to see anything in the real world that looks and functions like a classroom.

I talked to a girl recently who returned to public school after having been homeschooled for 4 years. (The mom had to return to work.) One of the things she found strange about school was that the boys never talked to the girls. She was used to interacting with whoever was present at homeschool get-togethers, regardless of age and gender. Whose social interactions were more limited: hers or the public schooled kids?

Answer 1

Gossip

Backbiting

Bullying

Name-calling

Disrespect for authorities

The celebration of personality instead of character

Betrayal

Mob-mentality
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Who wouldn't want to be well-rounded and experience all of these, particularly as a vulnerable child?

Answer 2

Many people say that homeschoolers are "socially retarded." I am homeschooled, but I'm not. Social skills are something that depends on the atmosphere. Since I was homeschooled I can talk to adults much more easily than my own age group. I have developed a respect for authority in doing this. When in public school you forget the sense of authority because you are facing teachers who many times will bow down to the kids.(or so my mother says) If one wants social skills I reccomend going into a sport or hobby that has other kids interested in the same thing. This is how I get my social skills through fencing.

Answer 3

Personally i was home schooled and i loved it so did my brothers. I hate to admit it but there IS a negative side to the individuals social skills there are however some good things it teaches like the ability to work and figure things out on their own and using their own initiative to do work, because i was home schooled and then i went to college i did not fit in with the other students at first, however i did eventually adapt quite well to being part of a larger group (now i have the advantage of being able to work on my own AND in a group), mainly it was me, not them who had the problem, for example i wouldn't trust anyone to get their work done right or have good ideas because i relied on myself for a long time. In the long run if the kid is keeping in touch with other kids i don't think this would be a problem, but if they are kept out of school because they don't have friends or want to be on their own then the core of the problem is not in the school or home school debate, but the child's own mindset.

Basically, when home schooled, the only effect on a child is the ability to interact with others more effectively, it wont remove social skills it just wont develop them any further......until they go drinking!! lol

So in my opinion if they go to college and learn social skills there its still all good, maybe even an advantage.

Answer 4

People who say home school children don't have any social skills are usually basing their opinion on the children who were forced to return to school because their parents weren't doing the job well. If you provide opportunities for your children to socialize, they will learn all the social skills they need. They may not grow the "thick skin" of children who are frequently teased, but then neither do some public school children. I have met some home schooled students while I was in college and I was impressed with thier ability to converse with different types of people (different personality types) and time management skills. They all did very well at my college and were much better prepared than most students.

Answer 5

I had no social skills in school and lots of problems. Mind you I'm not the average kid, I have a personality disorder. But since I've started homeschooling I've had more time for therapy and focusing on getting better. I now love to socialize and am making friends. I also love that homeschooling gives me the time to take classes at the community college. I find I get along much better with people who are older than me and it is definitely teaching me to grow up. (I'm 16) At first homeschooling was bad for me but that was because I had no friends while I was in public school, just people I sometimes talked to. I homeschooled and I had nothing. But I found activities to do to get me out in the world. I don't think homeschooling has anything to do with social skills. I had mental health issues, that was the problem. Homeschooling is what helped restore my sanity.

Answer 6

The public school kids are socialized, just in a different way. Most homeschoolers believe this way is negative, like myself. Homeschoolers have access to many races, ethnic groups, disables, religions, ages, ect. with which to learn from on a daily basis. There are no restraints other than what their parents would like to implement. Public schoolers are with the same age every day and the only adult interaction is with their teachers. Not only that, the disabled (mental and physical)are all shoved off into another classroom.

Answer 7

Why does a child have to "fit in" anyways? Isn't this a violation of their individualism? A child should not have to be afraid of being themselves and forsaking themselves at the expense of trying to have to fit in. The conformism that goes on in public schools is very disturbing and will have its consequences on kids in the future if they cannot develop some sort of self identity without looking to other people first.

Homeschoolers have good social skills -- they know how to speak to others of all ages with respect, no degradation or bullying involved.

In this case I'd say homeschoolers are better off socially than their public school counterparts.

Answer 8

You wanna know what's really funny about the whole socializa'mazation *argument"?

It isn't the real issue.

A "school" that is led by a principal and staffed by teachers is very small in comparison to the home-school ocean.
My students swim in the sea of real life every single day. They don't need to be boxed in by a gov't mandated building and by a set of social standards that are dictated by the current fads and media.

The fact is that social skills are not learned in a crowd. They are learned at tea-time with a perfectionist Brittish hostess. Our wonderful neighbor took the time to invite all of the neighbor children to her home for tea and crumpets. They were taught to use their utensils appropriately and to speak correctly. They had a wonderful time! Now they are all well on their way to surviving in the real world.

Answer 9

They are lacking nothing. My guess is that the negative encounters spoken of here are preconceived notions on the part of the anti-homeschoolers coupled with the homeschooler(s) being in a new atmosphere. If one already has in their mind that homeschoolers are 'weird' then people will find something 'weird'.

I see that Nab fits in the double standard category quite nicely with her comment, "And I don't mean other homeschoolers". It's 'okay' to be in the school environment and make friends with ONLY people who are in the school, who they more than likely also partake in after school activities with but not okay for homeschoolers to make friends with other homeschoolers?

For the naysayers bringing up, "What about the prom? What about dances?" Tell you what, ask the school kids labeled 'nerds, geeks, and ugly' how thrilling the proms and dances are to them. ;-) Screw the prom and dances, big deal.

Answer 10

My son made f's and d's in public school he is now enrolled in an online school through our state which is a public school also..he is now making a's and b's..the teachers couldnt give him the help he needed to learn in public school..children go to school to learn and when they no longer are learning then they need to be put in a school where they can learn if its a home school or another public school..The public schools can no longer teach our children what they need..My son is in the 8th grade and he meets children from all over our state they go on class field trips together once a month..you cant even get that at a public school.my son is home schooled and he still has 7 teachers encluding a home room teacher, he even takes gym class which requires a ymca pass..my son wasnt staying busy enough to suit me so his school gave him more class's and work, they gave him high school work and he even earns credits for high school..they have prom, graduation ceremonies, the only thing his school doesnt have is sports. My son go to school to learn and if there is time then he meets friends..

Answer 11

My daughter has a far better understanding of cultural studies than your average grade schooler. She has gone to various religous services (both in the appropriate house of worship as well as in private homes). She has spent time with a much wider age group than she would have otherwise and has friends that run from pre-k to high school, including children with autism, Downe's, cerebral palsey and more. She has been exposed to creationism, evolution and the scientific studies that support both of them. She spends at least two hours a day with her friends..both homeschooled and kids in traditional classes..and I have to say that the homeschooled kids tend to be far more open minded and accepting than the ones from public schools. None of her home schooled friends have ever made fun of her younger brother with autism, while in public school she was nearly beaten up when she rose to the defense of a friend with cerebral palsey.

Conflict and being belittled because of differences is not "part of growing up". In my mind it is part of the problem we see shaping our society. Letting children treat one another that way on the school yard and saying it is "typical schoolyard behavior" does not give us tolerant adults. It gives us adults who are not ready to face the diversity that will be part of their professional and parenting lives.

As for learning that being teased is part of life..she experienced that when she was in public school. She was constantly singled out as the only white, non-Christian child in her class. That is not the real world. In the real world, if you treated someone like that in a professional setting you could be fired or found guilty of violation of many different federal and local eoe laws and/or hate crimes. For all the adults who say that...stop and think of the one time in school when someone tore into you for something you truely were proud of or had no control over..the new outfit you loved that wasn't considered "cool". The fact you celebrated a holiday differently than someone else. Or how about the glassed you had or the braces on your teeth? Stop and remember that knot in your stomach, the burning feeling behind your eyes and the confusion you felt that someone else was being so mean over something you had no say in. Is that really something tha made you who you are today?? And is that really something you feel makes anyone a better person??