and new drug it might be longer.My gram died with breast cancer years ago and I know of other people who have died after getting all the treatments.I know how sick the chemo and rad. can make you and I feel that I would rather live my 8 last months not so sick.
It has only been 2 months and she is now in hospital with her brain so swollen or the cancer grew faster then the treatments.My husband and his father made all the choices for my mother-inlaw and she was told that this would cure her.I feel that she should have been able to make her own choices! I have not seen her in the last month due to she has already made comments that she thinks she is dying but not to tell dad.I don't think she should be lied to.I want to see her but if she ask any question I don't want to lie.Im very upset with the fact that every one made choices for her and now at 2 months she is hospitalize,can't walk,sick all the time and might not make it to much longer.should I go see her and lie?
2006-09-29 01:08:50 · 10 answers · asked by monica s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I'm not sure she was lied to. Perhaps she was given the options from a bit too optimistic view. Others sometimes are in denial and clutch at any hope not to face their impeding loss. I'd go see her and if she asks your assessment, tell her you are concerned, but hope the best for her.
2006-09-29 01:13:54 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
DO NOT LIE! She needs to be seen by those she loves.
Being trained in hospice care, I have seen the results of family members lying or omitting the truth. The fact is, the terminally patient DOES know their death is near. If the family could be honest to her, she will most likely feel validated and recognized in this portion of her journey. Also, the family members after the patient dies could feel guilty about lying and that can NEVER BE CHANGED AFTER THE FACT.
Spend as much time with her as possible. A majority of people are afraid of dying alone and without dignity. Discuss the highlights of her life, the memories, but if the air needs clearing concerning an uncomfortable or difficult situation, it should be resolved. The act of dying can be beautiful or really sad. Everyone feels good about themselves and the patient can move on with no regrets. There is nothing worse than, "If I only...I should have...I could have". The bottom line is the love, if the patient knows and feels the love, her journey will be a peaceful one.
2006-09-29 09:34:57 · answer #2 · answered by jr95667 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am so very sorry for you and your family. Reading this brought back painful memories and tears to my eyes. When my father was diagnosed with lung cancer, he was told 1-2 years. But with chemo, rad etc it would be longer. They did a surgery to tack his lung to the chest cavity to prevent pressure the tumor was causing. Once they did that, he was on a ventilator and could not do anything. They called all of the family and told us it was a 50/50 chance of survival once removed from the ventilator. He had no idea this may happen. He did survive the extubation, however his prognosis was then 3-6 months. My father only lived 4 months after that. My suggestion to you, having been there myself, is definetly see her. Do not waste anytime you have left. Talk to your husband and father in law about your feelings as well. Be honest. Has Hospice been called in? If it is intiment that she will not recover, Hospice can and will help her and your family with the transition. My prayers are with you and your family during this very difficult time. Again, do NOT wait to see her, you will regret it later.
2006-09-29 08:20:48 · answer #3 · answered by naughty_mattress_monkey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you. My Mother is dying of cancer. She has been suffering for 2 years. A month ago they found out it was in her brain. They tried chemo, radiation, etc. It didn't help in the end, just made her suffer even more. The cancer is so aggressive at this point they finally stopped all treatment. I see her all the time, and I cry, she cries, we laugh, we hug, but I don't lie to her. She has the right to now. I would want to know if it was me. She is now to the point she is forgetting things, including my Brother and I. It is getting very difficult, but we spend all the time we have left with her that we can. I would not want the guilt of not doing that on my shoulders for the rest of my life. My step dad makes all of her decisions also, and does not take our opinion into consideration at all. All we can do is make the best of things for all of us involved right now, and enjoy her for her last days. Her Dr. has given her 3 weeks to 3 months. Honestly...if she is here for Thanksgiving I will be surprised. She knows, and she is ready. She tells me all the time she is tired, and she is ready to see Grandma and Grandpa. It hurts to hear that, but I can't be selfish and expect her to lay there and suffer for my benefit. I love her dearly and have accepted the fact I have to let her go. My sympathies are with you and your family.
2006-09-29 08:23:31 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that you are so upset.
Unfortunately, there is nothing that you can do about the situation at this point except make her feel comfortable and that includes keeping up the charade of "not telling dad".
She is not your mom and it is not your place to upset her. Telling her the truth when your husband and father-in-law have decided it is not in her best interests to know will only contribute to her already declining condition.
Just go to the hospital and try to make her remaining time as pleasant as possible...
2006-09-29 08:16:22 · answer #5 · answered by Angela 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You definitely want to go to see her. I'm sure she knows she is dying, so if she brings up the subject, just let her talk. If she specifically asks you if she is dying, then ask her what she thinks. If she says she is, then tell her death is nothing to be feared and she will be happy afterwards. Good luck, this is a very sad situation.
2006-09-29 08:16:07 · answer #6 · answered by Ms. G. 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
dear friend.......
i'm dilan & 3rd year medical student.....i can udestand you siuvation vell. coz i'm every day face like that situvation in the hospital in our country(srilnka). how ever some time i have cryed , after i speek with patient.but when i'm taking with the pationet ,i taking with smile.i'm a very honest noe. nevr say lise. but infront of my pt some time i have sayed lise. that is coz make a hopeful futer them.not for me. so.. my advice is never say thrh font of her.make a hopeful futer. ok dear!!!!!see you ...agin if u have eny question.. my mail address is dbmhita@yahoo.com
take care!!!!!!!
2006-09-29 08:25:40 · answer #7 · answered by Dilan Buddhika M 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This site gives details of cancer and the cancer industry, and contains links to some natural cures.
Cancer
http://dgwa1.fortunecity.com/body/cancer.html
2006-09-30 06:45:12 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would go see her and if she ask questions dont lie...You can talk to the doc and see what they have told her, she may know everything already.
2006-09-29 08:13:45 · answer #9 · answered by ABBYsMom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She may not have been well enough to make her own decisions. But I wouldn't lie to her.
2006-09-29 08:12:28 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋