Hi all, my name is Bez from birmingham and im 26. This is my first post and being as there is an agony aunt section, i thought id try it and see what feedback i get so here goes... i've been in a long term relationship for 5 years with nicky who's 21. We have lived together for that time and all has been great untill now. She does genuinly love me very much, she washes my clothes, cooks my food, always shows me love and has a lot of love to give. The bad sides is that she dont stop talking, is a good liar, quite 2 faced and a pretty messy person to live with. She has lots of love to give, too much sometimes and it does make me thing that she's needy, clingy and an attention whore.
To cut a long story short i found out she gave her number to a bloke at a club and then found out later that she was texting raunchy sexy messages to my so called mate. She swears she has not shagged these blokes and i do believe her. This mate was an old school friend from 10 years ago, we lost touch but i bumped into him again about 2 months ago and he showed me the messages she sent to him. He said he wanted to see how far she would go and wanted enough evidence to show me, nicky admitted starting the sexy texts but swears she was only winding him up because of how weird he is and non of the girls will fancy him. I said i want her out my house asap. She is begging for forgiveness and is giving me her side of the story about what my mate was texting back to her. Im thinking that it is good of him to tell me, but why did he go so far with the messages. Nicky said she did all this because she was getting attention that she wasn't getting from me. My best mate harry is asking whats going on and i replied this...
"She still ain't moved out yet. I still feel the same and want her to move out but i know its gonna be hard and I'll miss her when she's gone. She has been telling me about what James said in the texts and the way he was looking at her down the waterfront. I know it is true about how desperate he is because I've seen it with my own eyes. You gotta admit that he is weird and is prob STILL a virgin. I do kinda feel as though he genuinely wanted to start gong out with Nicky and when she eventually told him she was messing about, me & James were playing pool at the time and James suddenly went in a mood and went all quiet and pissed off. I thought it was this other girl that texting him but it was Nicky.He got jealous/pissed off and told me simply because he knew he had no chance with her anyway. Apparently he asked her for a lift down Riley's a few times without me and asked if she wanted to come down to his house for A VISIT?!?. I've got a feeling that he is just as guilty as her, maybe worse..what you reckon? I've also got a feeling that he was trying to catch her out for 1 reason or another, but I'm thinking if my mates misses did this to me, i would DEFINITELY not gone as far as saying "come down my house" to my mates Mrs!!! I would have told my mate asap so why didn't James do that?? He said he wanted to see how far she would go, but why would he want to say VISIT ME??? I just don't get it and it's as if he's trying to get a load of evidence to split us up. I never saw any messages he sent her and i wonder WHY??? Surely a true mate would have ignored the messages and tell his mate when he feels ready!! James sent her messages suggesting seeing each other behind my back and when he gets the cold shoulder off Nicky, he feels truly dumped and very jealous of me who is in a relationship with a nice looking girl, nice car and own house whilst he lives with his mom and no Mrs. He tells me the truth, hoping we split up so maybe she will start texting him again and bingo!! he is with her just like he planned...what you reckon haz..have a good think and get back.
2006-09-28 23:32:29 · 12 answers · asked by skinnyminniekitten 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Sorry I only read the first half - but pretty much made up my mind that you should hire a skip and just start chucking things out the window.
Don't have such low respect for yourself by allowing her to take the p*ss out of you hun. She quite blatantly only cares about her own ego, that being extremely fragile.
Get rid and move on. Don't be so soft, and strap on a pair.
2006-09-29 00:06:26 · answer #1 · answered by quay_grl 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds to me you have made the right decision in ending the relationship.Both have been sneaky and dishonest.It doesn't matter what either of their excuses are for the behavior,they are both wrong for what the have done.I would most definitely feel betrayed by both.If you do still want to be with Nicky I think I would lay down some ground rules,either she is committed to only you or the relationship will have to end.That means no more texting any of your mates or any other inappropriate behaviors with other men.If she feels she is lacking something from you she should tell you how she is feeling,not try to get attention from
other men.I would try your best to evaluate the situation before making any decisions.Talk to Nicky figure out if this relationship can be saved.I wish you luck.
2006-09-29 06:49:54 · answer #2 · answered by kandn 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not very nice to call your Mrs an 'attention whore'. I could understand why she feels a bit under appreciated. Look Bez, what she did was not right. She certainly should not have flirted with your buddy but everyone deserves a second chance don't you think? The thing is that if you decide to forgive her, you must truly forgive her - not bring this issue up at the next argument. We all make mistake and this was a big one from her side because trust is such an important part of any relationship. You two need to put the spark back into your relationship. You need to make her feel like a woman who is loved and appreciated not just someone who cooks and cleans for you. You make her sound like your maid instead of your lover!! Come on, put some romance back into this relationship. If you decide to forgive and you patch things up make it clear that you will not tolerate this type of behaviour from her. It's disrespectful toward you and humiliates you. From your side give her the respect and love she needs as your PARTNER (not maid). I'd love to see this patched up.
2006-09-29 06:46:23 · answer #3 · answered by SweetyPie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A good relationship is based on trust and if she's a liar and untrustworthy, then u better make up your mind if this is the kind of person u want to have a relationship with. In my opinion, Nicky and your best mate are both guilty but it is Nicky who has a commitment to u and shouldn't have entertained another person in this manner. She may love u and all but if she can't be trusted, there's going to be issues in the relationship. Without knowing u or your situation, we can't tell u what to do in this case as it's all going to be up to u to decide whether to continue this relationship with her or not. Just realize that if u decide to stay, she has to do her part in earning your trust in the process by not doing something like this again.
2006-09-29 06:58:01 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if your girlfriend truely cares for you she would not be texting sexy messages to your mate. Best advice that I can give you is kick her to the curb. May be hard to deal with the whining and the crying but you will be better off. If she is willing to go so far with the texts then next time it could go even farther. She can cry about how you are not giving her the attention she needs then she needs to find someone who will give her all the attention she wants because this is gonna happen again if you keep her. Once an attention whore always one sorry dude but it is time for you to move on and find someone who wants to be with you.
2006-09-29 07:27:50 · answer #5 · answered by mastersbitch77 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well there's an obvious thing of dumping her. Your friend, it's hard to say. That's the problem with women we can break up good friendships, or teach you who your real friends are. Not wanting to be around her becasue she's a little annoying. I think you're finding these flaws on her becasue your angry about your friend. All I can say is Sorry, you have to go through this. But sometimes it is good to go through things so you learn lessons. (I don't know if this helps), but maybe look at it as, "Atleast you didn't marry her and find out what she was. And good thing you didn't have kids with her...that would be a lot worse situation) Good luck & Takes care. Remember go with your First instinct. We all ignore our first instinct, when we want sex or feel we love someone.
2006-09-29 06:41:26 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i wouldn't trust her at all. why would she be sending him texts "just haivng fun" and not tell you about it? sounds fishy to me, and then giving her number to another guy?! It sounds like your relationship with her is ending. she is only 21 and changing. i know that you will miss her, it has been 5 years, but she has A LOT of growing up to do. i think that you should stick with your plans and leave her, you will get over her and eventually find a woman who is mature and knows how to be in a relationship where respect is one of the most important things to have. Good Luck!
2006-09-29 06:42:58 · answer #7 · answered by sweet serinity 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tricky one, but all depends on how you feel.
Your girlfriend obviously still cares about you, but it seems that you can trust her now, for perfectly understanable reasons. So you'll have to have a good think about whether you want her / can work things out / ever trust her again.
As for your so called mate. Think he's totally jealous of your set up, but your girlfriend was wrong to give him such encouragement.
Tough call - but in the end only you know how you feel and only oyu can decide how to proceed.
2006-09-29 06:39:52 · answer #8 · answered by Leiani 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Give her some of the attention she needed from your friend in an aggressive way. I hope you know what im talking about. Give it to her in a way such that she will not look at any other man. She'd give anything to be with you if you do it vigorously enogh.
2006-09-29 06:59:03 · answer #9 · answered by Thilina Guluwita 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahhh...I guess you should inform nicky that you're serious 'bout the relationship..May be...she'll get it....If not you can spy on her again..if ya find anything out again....you can leave her ...otherwise ya should know some ppl can't think like adults..time will treat her..dont worry..may be after gettin married she'll be serious...best of luck....
2006-09-29 06:41:00 · answer #10 · answered by Neal 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋