My girlfriend and I are very much in love but I know she is not right for me in the long run. The things that aren't right with us keep coming up over and over. It even caused a breakup for a couple months but we ended up getting back together about 6 months ago. And now some of those problems are coming up again. I told her last night that I wasn't happy with the relationship and things had to change and she begged me not to break up with her and she said she would change back. I thought about it more today and I think we both deserve someone better matched for us and that she shouldn't have to fix something about herself to make us happy. She is an amazing girl and I am in love with her but these things that come up are parts of her personality that she can't change.
HOW DO I DO THIS? It is going to kill me because she hasn't done anything wrong it's just that we are both different now. Im 22 and shes 20. Any insightful help is much appreciated.
2006-09-28 21:45:11 · 14 answers · asked by ChemGuy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
this sounds so familiar, i had to break up with my boy of 2.5 years and he did nothing wrong ! he was fantastic towards me in every way but i knew he wasnt the one even though i tried to convince myself for a while that i could learn to be totally in love with him. i still dont know how i broke up with him and got the words out but i did 7 months ago and its still ****. not going to sugar coate it, it just plainly sucks. many nights of his and my tears and i still miss him to death. BUT as they say, time heals and i know for a fact that he (and I) are doing much better after the first few months of desperate calls, messages and "catch ups". just be there for each other but to a point. be totally honest
but strong. my ex ended up not talking to me at all because thats the only way he could handle it and i almost went crazy not knowing how he was and what he was doing. BUT i had to be strong for him and myself. we now email each other and talk briefly every few weeks because we still care but it hurts too much if we get too needy and indepth about "how much we miss each other" and the "ifs". ok this is about you, good luck...just be honest.
2006-09-28 21:59:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am in the exact same situation as you. Only I'm married so it makes it even more difficult.
We've been together 7 years and the same problems keep cropping up since the beginning. I thought we could work them out, because we are both mature and make an effort with our relationship. What I am starting to realise now is that sometimes people just cannot change certain things. No matter how much respect and effort they show.
I feel for you - breaking up is the most difficult choice to make, especially like you said, when the other person hasn't really done anything wrong. You have just realised you are not suited.
Don't be hard on yourself, we all make mistakes, and that includes choosing the wrong partner sometimes. Neither you nor her should have to pay for that mistake. And you will feel guilty as well for being the one to break-up the relationship - I know those feelings personally.
As you mentioned, people shouldn't have to 'fix' themselves to be happy, you should both be happy as the people you are. Some things we cannot change and there is no answer for that. When our road comes to a divide and we have to take our separate paths good-bye's are the hardest thing, especially when it's someone you truly care about.
All the best - and don't beat yourself up. Just do what you know intuitively is the right choice for you both.
2006-09-29 06:40:07 · answer #2 · answered by quay_grl 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said "I am in love with her" Not I love her that makes a difference. I think you should say with her it sounds like she's worth it. What she's going through might not be her fault. Stay with her and try and help just don't leave her. I think it's the best thing to do. See if you can find a reason she act's this way. And when it is see does If it happen's around the same time each month then you should know what it is.
2006-09-29 12:34:15 · answer #3 · answered by robert d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Friend,I know what you mean.But believe me,you shouldn't leave her because of that.Maybe she had some bad mistakes before in her life or she burned out a few times that made her a bit more uncomfortable in your relationship.Maybe she has trusting issues if this is the case.I think she loves you,I thing you shouldn't throw your relationship without trying.Maybe you should both go to counseling.Ä°f you could have done without each other,you wouldn't get back together,right?So I think right answer isn't breaking up.Please talk to her,try to save this relationship,because it's something hard to find these days.Best of luck!
2006-09-29 04:57:10 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well.. regarding this i would like to say you... that if u say u r in love with her, it never happens that u say i wanna leave on one hand and on other u say that i love her a lot... First you should decide that do u love her or not??? considering love a feeling in which you dont look over to change her in fact u try to accept her as she is.... Dont worry,, things never go same way and time has to change. And be afraid that What if next time u get a girl even worse than her.....
According to u she is a nice girl thats why I would suggest u to continue with her,, If u believe in Love believe in her......
LOVE her ... Lucky Guy
2006-09-29 05:02:52 · answer #5 · answered by capt.gauravbhardwaj 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Tell her "I love you but, it's just not working out, we've both changed and you deserve someone better suited to you than me. I'm sorry but, we can't go on this way. Good-bye." Then leave. plain and simple, if you live together, have your stuff packed and away by the time she arrives.
2006-09-29 04:50:42 · answer #6 · answered by Rachael 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
find the rite person 4 u don't try to make somthin that won't work work!its best 4 the both of u if ye split up because ye don't sound 2 happy!
2006-09-29 04:52:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There is really no easy way to do it. tell her. just tell her your not the same person I fell for and i am not the same person anymore. and that she is going to have to go befcause even if she changes you dont feel you can. being in your 20s your personalitys are not done changeing yet and she needs to relaize that as do you
2006-09-29 04:55:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Explain to her why you think u shud part and why u think you both are unsuitable for each other.Tell her that u love her but can't be together.
2006-09-29 04:52:07 · answer #9 · answered by Saphire 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it will be hard, but stay strong and go through with the breakup, you're doing the right thing.
2006-09-29 04:57:12 · answer #10 · answered by catintrepid 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋