any strong minded people to help a softie please?

Question

for the past four weeks i have helped a neighbour taking her daughter to school every morning and picking her up again as she works from 630 in the morning the child comes to mine either crying because she wont go to school or wants her mum i have four kids of my own to tend to also which is disrupting them my son wont get dressed my daughter gets moody im late for getting them to school now what i want to do is tell her that i cant do it any more but i dont know how to put it would any one please give me some good advice on this

Answer 1

Hey there...
Tough situation... I think all you can do is explain that it's just too difficult to continue helping out with taking her daughter to school...

Call her and explain that next time she picks up her daughter from your house after school, could she pop in for a coffee etc.. then, just politely say that you're struggling with your own kids and ask her if she thinks she could change her own working start time.... most employers are very flexible these days in accomodating parents in the workplace... I am a manager for a large company and I know we have had to make provisions in this area...

You sound like a truly kind hearted person but you need to try and break out from your normal "modus operatum" and think of yourself and your family... your kids need your time and attention... especially if you have four already!!

Good luck!

Answer 2

You need to tell this neighbour that when you offered to help you didnt realise that it would lead to the trouble within your home that it has
Tell her that your own children are becoming disruptive due to the fact that you are so busy trying to reassure her daughter that you dont have time to tend to your own kids
Explain that whilst you hate having to pull back on the arrangement regarding the school dropping and collecting etc, that your first and foremost duty is to your own children and you cannot let them take second place to her child.
Maybe give her the option of having a chat with her child about her behaviour - and if you can be guaranteed that her behaviour will stop going on the way it is now that you would perhaps CONSIDER - dont agree to anything - restarting the arrangement.

Answer 3

It seems to me you're being very kind-hearted, and don't want to upset anyone involved. Sadly, this isn't always possible in any given situation. Some suggestions, though:

Try finding time to sit down with your neighbour, her children and your children. Talk about how your own children are feeling, and how they're being upset by her daughter crying. Tell her that you agreed to help because you did genuinely want to help, but that the practicalities of the situation aren't working out - literally, tell her what you asked us in your question. Tell her that as much as you would love to help her every day, it's proving to cause too much stress for both you and your children - and just as importantly, her child.

Secondly, how long have you been doing this? It's possible that her daughter may accept this arrangement with a little gentle guidance from both you and your neighbour. Maybe it's just a case of giving it more time if you can handle this. Her daughter could feel abandoned, and be stressed because she feels her Mum doesn't have time for her.

Finally, maybe you could tell her you can help, but not every single day. Can she find another source of help for some days here and there?

I hope you sort this out, and I hope any of what I've said is of some help to you. Good luck :-)

Answer 4

I noticed that one of the recommendations was to discipline the child. This would not be wise.
As a suggestion you could invite the person in for a coffee and have kind conversation with her explaining that you have worked very hard to fit this child into your schedule but you feel that your own family is suffering from the lack of attention that you should give to them. I'm sure that although this will mean a change for her, if she is reasonable then she will accept it. Try to show a loving and understanding attitude, after all this might be just the opportunity she needs to talk to someone. I am assuming that this neighbor is a friend so try to reassure her that you are still good friends and you will still be there for her. But for now you can not look after the child.

Answer 5

You are a very kind lady. with all hardships loooking aftre your neighbours child is great. If you tell your neighbour not to send her kid to you, she will get upset and will stop all relation with you. Try this..

1. Leave your home for two days with your kids. Inform your neighbour you are coming back in a week. Discuss with her about the method she will use while you are not
2. Do these couple of times.
3. Dont say I cant take your kid any more
4. Pretend you are sick. Tell your neighbour to take your kid to school

Answer 6

Sounds to me that you should stand up to the children more than the neighbor. What's the neighbor gonna do if she has to work? Quit her job? If you really don't want to take the whining kid to school, then tell the mother that it's just too much for you to handle having five kids to ger ready.... if it were me, I'd stand up to the little boogers, and tell them....if the kid don't stop crying, she is going to get in trouble, if your aren't getting dressed and running late, you will be grounded for a day for every minute you are not on time and ready to get to school, and take away al their fun toys....let them know that YOU are the boss running the show, and that you are not a victim of a child's antics.

I have four children, and they know better then to be late for school. I also babysit two other children. I wouldn't stop taking a kid to school because she's crying. She is obviously insecure, and needs to be nutured. I can't believe that you'd rather just dump her off on someone else rather than make a difference in a young life. Your older kids are seeing you let this kid get away with crying and whining and they are testing you to see what they can get away with. Lead by example, okay? Show your children how important it is to stick through things when things get tough, show them compassion, understanding, and patience. And, show them the corner if they are being little snots.

Answer 7

Ask The Other Neighbour To Take Her

Answer 8

hi i have 3 kids myself and afew months ago my neighbour kept ringing me up asking if i could drop her kid at school and that isnt good when my kids dont get on with hers
so in the end i started being abit strong about it so when the next time she rang i told her that they never listern im alwways shouting and it's not fair on me so you'll have to find other arrangements and that the best thing i have ever done me and my neighbour are still close and she knows she cant use me again
thats the best advice that i can give
you have to think of your family before letting others in

Answer 9

On Sunday or if both of you have free time, go tell her that she'll have to find another responsible person to take care of the child. Tell her, straight to her eyes, that you have responsibilities to your equally young children as mom . Your attention will naturally be towards your children.

Tell her that she find other ways to get her daughter to school.

You have to talk to her. It's for their own good anyway not yours.

It's best to talk with her than letting it go by. You'll lose nothing.

Answer 10

I think you should sit down with your neighbour and discuss the behaviour of her daughter. Tell her exactly what you told us; that it is making you late, disrupting your schedule and making you feel generally worse-for-wear.

You need to be honest. She will appreciate it in the long run.