I had been cheated on/abused in two previous relationships years before I met my husband, and now after two years of dating, and even after getting married, I feel very insecure, jealous and untrusting. He's done nothing wrong, and I know it's my own insecurity causing arguments, possibly ruining our marriage. It's really getting to him - and me! I have also cheated on the one I loved and know the "signs" and the heartache, and want to prevent it so badly, I'm just making things up in my head to make my "detective work"- ie checking his call list, looking at receipts, and emails- justified. I need to stop this!!! But how?
2006-09-28 19:04:33 · 14 answers · asked by mrschrisbennett 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I haven't cheated on my husband, but a boyfriend in a previous relationship.
2006-09-28 19:16:37 · update #1
Forgive the people that wronged you in the past, and forgive yourself for any mistakes you felt you have made with those in the past. Love yourself and forgive yourself and understand that nothing is ever the same, ever. And in that you know the person you are with now has to be different than those that came before him. Goodluck
2006-09-28 19:08:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Changing one's behavior is difficult if you attempt to do it all overnight. Start with small changes, such as a goal of not looking at receipts for a week or two at a time and then add another item, until you stop invading his privacy all together. While you're doing that let him know that you are working on this and let him know how committed you are about changing this behavior and I'm sure he'll be very supportive and relieved! Anytime you relapse, remind yourself of how much he loves you and you love him. Practice keeping your insecurity to yourself as well, since it may never go away completely, but it's your issue and not really his issue. In time you will feel secure...just takes practice.
2006-09-28 19:12:15 · answer #2 · answered by justwondering 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get your butt to a marriage counselor tomorrow! You both need to go and then it will probably switch to just you so you can let go of the stuff from the past.
My ex never trusted or respected me and after years of being accused of having an affair I finally did. The reasons men and women cheat are different. I will never forgive myself for putting up with his accustation or for me not being strong enough to leave before I did what he always said I would. It took 13 years but I finally broke down and did it. If you accuse him, eventually you will fulfill the prophecy that comes from your own fear when he didn't do anything wrong.
2006-09-28 19:10:25 · answer #3 · answered by WitchTwo 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just find good hobbies to keep you busy and go to counseling. Sometimes counseling really helps specially in your situation. I have been married for a long time and eventhough I do not have any past experiences but still, I was like you. I finally found peace. Also pray a lot. If u are catholic, novena is really good. I am a muslim but I believe novenas helped me together with other prayers.
Find the novenas on the internet and pray nine times every day for nine days for your wish.
2006-09-28 19:13:41 · answer #4 · answered by observer 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I will say this to you. If you want to keep him. You will have to create a trust barrier that you cannot penetrate what so ever. The only way to break your habit of check his phone, reciepts, and emails is to simply not look at them. If some one is going to cheat they will do it without your knowledge or "detective" work.
2006-09-28 23:19:03 · answer #5 · answered by VON 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Therapy
2006-09-28 19:06:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was in the same situation....there have been times in my second marriage that I too snooped.....after finding she had done nothing wrong I realized that I was wrong for snooping...after that I decided that she is NOT my ex-wife and shouldnt pay for her sins.....next time you go to snoop....stop yourself....after you do that a few times it becomes less of a habit
2006-09-29 02:26:26 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
from your typing. you chated on him and in time he will find out when least expected then that is when your trouble starts if you really loved him why did you do that to begin with . when he finds out you just might be in a divorce court and there isnt no one to blae but your self after all it takes.2. to do that sorry to say you knew better to do that he trusted you and now look at you . i really think you need to tell him your self better you. than his buddies dont you agree. my opion?
2006-09-28 19:23:56 · answer #8 · answered by the_silverfoxx 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you know all this then why are you asking us what to do?Tell him you cheated on him and see what he thinks.I sure would like to know how you can cheat and worry about him doing it.
2006-09-28 19:10:58 · answer #9 · answered by master_der_man 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk it out wit ya boi
2006-09-28 19:08:40 · answer #10 · answered by numba_1_babii 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋