Okay here is the story....my husband and I have been married for three years. We have been together for 10 years total and I always sort of knew that his parents did not like me. They are farmers and I am not. Over the last three years dearest mother in law has been having problems letting go of her eldest son. She is a very controlling woman and know how to hurt people. We all live in a very small community and my in-laws talk very bad about me to other people in our community which has affected our relationship. Anytime my husband makes a decision that they don't support, I get the blame for it becuase I am brainwashing him. We have sat down and discussed the issues at length and it always ends the same way, they get mad and walk out. The last discussion took place two weeks ago and my husband has not spoke to his parents in two weeks. They haven't tried to call either which is unusual becuase they call him everyday. My husband is very sad and cries all of the time, how do I help?
2006-09-28 18:50:20 · 9 answers · asked by Victoria 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Try and call the mama and talk to her doesn't sound like it will help matters any but your husband will know your at least trying. Mama's just have a really hard time letting go of their baby boy my son was only 6 and asked me if he could go to church with a friend when the friend got there it was a girl and even at that age the first thought in my head was little whore lol so it's natural for her to feel some resentment but she needs to understand her son choose you because he loves you tell her how hard she is making it on him and ask her if she really wants to cause him to be so distressed
2006-09-28 18:56:27 · answer #1 · answered by Amy M 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The stress of trying to bond with in-laws who treat you like an outlaw can make family get-togethers painfully miserable. If you or your husband find it difficult to mesh with the in-laws, you need to ask yourself why. If, for example, you feel like an outsider around his family, ask yourself if there is something you're doing or saying that's holding them back. Then ask yourself what you can do to win them over. Would it help to have some one-on-one time with your husband's mom or dad? Are you doing something that might be perceived as threatening (e.g., breaking an unspoken family rule)? Are your aspirations not what they hoped for? If so, maybe it would help to talk openly and calmly with your in-laws about it. Of course, the trick is not to get defensive if you breach the subject. Work at understanding them rather than being understood by them.
If your best efforts to win them over seem to come up empty, it may be time for your husband to intervene and find out what's bothering your in-laws. If you go this route, however, your spouse must make his loyalty to you known to them. This helps prevent an emotional triangle from being formed. And you certainly don't want that. If your husband feels caught in the middle because he's trying to ride the fence, your marriage will weaken and your frustration will compound. Besides, presenting a united front shows them that you are really in love and that you make their child happy. They may then realize that if their child loves you, perhaps they should, too.
If you have made every effort to win your in-laws over, the issue has been put on the table and opened for discussion. And if your in-laws are still not embracing you, it is time to shift gears. At this point, you need to begin thinking with your partner about how to maintain your own sense of well-being within this relationship. That may require setting some boundaries. For example, you may need to set limits on how often you and your husband get together with the in-laws. While this may be difficult for your husband, he needs to realize that bonding with you may mean risking a more distant relationship with parents.
When you get married, your spouse's family becomes an extension of your own. And pleasing two sets of parents, as well as your mate, can prove difficult for a new bride or groom. The bottom line, however, is that you can only do so much to "make" somebody like you. After you have done your best and given it a little time, it becomes their problem, not yours.
2006-09-28 19:17:48 · answer #2 · answered by JFAD 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it shouldnt be ruining you and your husbands relationship. Dont let the mother come between you two, if you both really love each other that much than it shouldnt be an issue between you and your husband, I think you should move to another state at start fresh and just say f*** it to your in laws
2006-09-28 18:53:26 · answer #3 · answered by eonetiller 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Victoria, try to keep calm at all times. There are lots of people, who will advise you lots of things you can do, but here is the thing: you and your husband truly love each other, and nobody should stand between the two of you trying to destroy your marriage. Love is the holiest thing in the world, you should know that and not let your emotions destroy the happiness of your family, including your own.
2006-10-01 11:03:21 · answer #4 · answered by Viktor 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My boyfriend's mom hates me too! I let him decide what he thinks is right. If he doesn't want to talk to her that is HIS decision. If your husband is trying to talk to his parents and they are ignoring him or trying to tell him that he shouldn't be with you then that is probably why he is so upset about it. You have to let him decide what happens with this. As far as your in laws spreading rumors, just ignore it. You know the real truth and that is all that should matter.
2006-09-28 19:10:44 · answer #5 · answered by sexy lady 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tried to fix things to no avail. Screw them, they can scratch their butts and get glad the same way they got mad. If others start to tell you what the in-laws said, look them straight in the eye and tell them do you look like you care? Tell hubby to knock that crying off, crying never solved anything. His parents made their choices now they can live with it.
2006-09-28 19:41:41 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There really is nothing you can do to help him with this except be there for him. It is up to him and his parents to make up. Suggest that he spends time with them with out you. Tell him to let his parents know up front that if they say anything disparaging about you he will not accept it then leave the ball in their corner.
2006-09-28 18:55:12 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to talk to his parents...
2006-09-28 18:53:07 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
MOVE AS FAR AWAY AS YOU CAN.
2006-09-28 18:53:25 · answer #9 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋