I really need advice.I was married for several years and had five children out of that marriage and all my children are grown up now.That marriage ended in divorce after the kids grew up.I remarried four years ago,my problem is that I had one son that is co-dependant,he is also bipolar.He ahs been in trouble several times and I always help him or one of his brothers and sisters will.He is a little messed up sometimes and he wants to come home and I usually let him.Hes good to me and really helps me when he,s here ,then he gets cross ways and ends up leaving.This last month he was on the street with only a suitcase and no where to go,my husband said if he comes home he will leave.I let him come home again because I love him and will not let my son be on the streets,so my hushand is unhappy to say the least.I feel I have to help my son and I do.Am I wrong for doing this?My son is not deformed or babbling but he has a mental problem and if he calls me he begs me to tell him what to do and
2006-09-28 18:35:45 · 21 answers · asked by slickcut 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
My son always does more for me than anyone.He would stay forever if I let him..My marriage is not that great
2006-09-28 18:37:57 · update #1
I appreciate all your answers but I would like to clear up a few things.My son is a very hard worker,never misses a days work.He just has to be in a routine and have structure,and I seem to be who he picked to be is structure
2006-09-29 03:02:18 · update #2
Slick ... let your husband leave. If he doesn't understand that your son comes before anyone, well then ... so be it.
That's your flesh and blood ... you gave birth to that young man, and he needs you. Hell, I'm 44 ... and there are times when I still need my mother's guidance ... thank goodness she's still on God's great earth to offer it.
Relationships, be it friendship or otherwise ... come and go ... our children don't. Once we give birth to them, it is our responsibility to love them unconditionally and forever. I'm wishin' you all the best.
2006-09-28 18:52:26 · answer #1 · answered by ♥Carol♥ 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Some times the hardest thing to do is to let go and let your children grow up. I am bipolar and do not use that as an excuse for not living. If you want to be divorced again by all means take your son over your husband. What is going to happen when your son finds someone he wants to be with? He will leave you in a flash and you will be all alone. I would not turn my back on my son but I would not allow his issues to destroy my marriage. Get your son some help you are not helping him by being his fallback. Why doesn't he go stay with his father or his siblings could it be that they see something in him that you don't. I know my opinion will not be the popular one but as someone who suffers with this mental disability I think your son is using you and you are not really helping him. What is going to happen to him if something happens to you and he has no where to go? If you truly love him then help him be the productive man that he can be.
2006-09-28 19:08:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay Mom, I am a single Father(3 teenage daughters) and My kids come first !Married or not . the spouse should be understandable no matter what ,He knew that you had kids when you got married! Bi-polar is a very serious, and really tough thing thing for everyone living with. I feel that Your Son needs you and You need Him, no matter what the situation,and regardless if he is 4 or 40 he will allways be a little co-dependant and/ or alot. dake a deep Breath Mom! and show everyone that You are willing to bend a little in both ways , but I truly feel that Your significant other needs to support You, or he can well..I don't know the whole situation,.. I just think he should help , not hamper Your seriuos situation..Good Luck and Good Health to You All.
2006-09-28 18:50:44 · answer #3 · answered by Electric 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you are doing what a parent supose to do. But at the same time listen to your husband, sit down and have a talk with him because what he should know that you and yours come in a package. so once you've married me you married the kids also and he should understand if knows ur child have a disability.I have about the same problem only my son is not disable. Hes in &out of juvenile and my guy says he fed up with the situation im not going to give up on my child no matter what. And its very hard u say the marriage not hot give him a chance u both have 2 get things straight. Either hes with you and yours..... Or thats door sweetheart. sorry thats my opinion. yes you should help ur son and husband help him understand where u r coming from with this......
2006-09-28 18:52:18 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
It's dangerous for him to be on the streets with mental issues. I would, will and ALWAYS, pick my son over a man "even one I'm married to". I have a autistic son I'll let him come home any time any reason if my hubby could not deal with tough cookies 4 him my BOY MY BLOOD my BABY. I don't think a real man ask a Mother to choose him over her flesh. ANYHOW you should do your BEST TO MAKE him independent help him learn life skills that's your job. He may need a helping hand now and then but BE the hand that helps him up not the one who holds him DOWN.
2006-09-28 18:45:12 · answer #5 · answered by ally'smom 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think alot of it has to do with how old your son is? Can he work? live on his own? or was the street where he wanted to be at the time? Those are questions I think you need to ask yourself! I just ended it with my guy because he wasn't working(among other things)..I was with him for a year and he'd only worked 3 weeks in that time. He's say his prison history would prevent him from getting a job...bullshit!!..It was his choice not to work...yet he had no problem seeing me go in the hole as long as I sent him money...it's sort of the same for you...if he is old enough and can support himself...he should be doing just that!...if he can't do that for some reason ( being bipolar isn't one of them) then I would think your husband isn't being logical...our kids are our flesh and it's unrealistic to expect you not to help..at least in some ways...
2006-09-28 19:15:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a sad dilemma but there is a solution so your son will be ok and so will your marriage. Hang in there! There is treatment and medicines for those who suffer with bipolar disease. I hope he is being treated? You can check out the website .. www.webmd.com for information on bipolar.
It cannot be cured but can be successfully treated to where he can function normally and able to care for himself. Maybe marriage counseling would be helpful, or buying books for you two to read would help in communicating between your husband and yourself, so that your marriage can be all you want it to be.
There are tons of great books at Christian bookstores, and other places on marriage, so take advantage of those. I wish you well and know everything will work out if you (and your husband) unite in this and make efforts to resolve the issues in ways you both will enjoy. Good luck and God bless!
2006-09-28 18:59:22 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but yes he is your son and he does need help but the help he needs is deeper than what you can give him. At some point and time we all have to grow up and you have to have your own life but still love your kids.Tuff love is what he needs he knows that he can always call you and know matter what drop everything and help him. That is okay to a point he needs to learn that life is not always easy. If he is begging you about what to do then you tell him he needs real help and that you will be the every step of the way but you can no longer give him the right help that he needs. You can still love your kids but you do not have to raise them the rest of their lives.
2006-09-28 18:51:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, u MUST help him bec he is ur son. Just think. Can u live each day knowing u have one son strayed in the streets with no food, no clothes on his back? let ur husband leave if he wants to. this is WHEN you can prove how much he loves u. and he is gonna leave u anyways one of these days even if u didnt help ur son. watch and see.... the fact that he said that already about leaving, well, he has been thinking about it for a very long time and is just waiting for the day he is given the chance.
let the husband leave and bring the child back into a home! Please!
2006-09-28 18:40:21 · answer #9 · answered by The Punisher 4 · 2⤊ 1⤋
your hubby is right you have to cut the rope sooner or later he has to grow up get a job you did this to your son sure he will help you he knows you will take him back all the time you are nuts if you are going to let your man go CZ of this you will be old all by your self your son can't you at that point in life only your man can get your son help then he can have a good life like you will I'm not telling you to turn your back on your son help him good luck to you
2006-09-28 19:13:15 · answer #10 · answered by freeman3905@sbcglobal.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋