What to do if mate thinks you're cheating?

Question

My husband accused me of cheating on him, cause he found a sock that wasn't his? I have no clue where it came from, but I never, never, ever cheated on him or any man i ever dated. What can I do? I told him over and over I didn't. I never lied to him either, why can't he trust me? I'm not like others he had in his life. It could end our marriage. Please sincere help only.

Few more details, he is an over the road truck drive so we have limited time together, but he calls me many many times a day and always knows where I'm at and who with, I only go out with my daughter or else I'm home. His whole life before me was with hookers and lot lizards he met while driving. he was married before for 25 years and admits to cheating on her for all of them. I've never cheated on anyone, that is not me. How can I live with a man who won't believe in me and trust me? Immediately he talks about taking all the money back that goes into our joint account, I have nothing to live on then. my name isn't on our house, so I have nothing, nowhere to go, i have 3 pets, no money, he didn't want me working, so I have no job. I am so scared, I don't know what to do. I've lost everything.

Answer 1

By your statement "not like the others he had in his life" I am assuming that he has had others cheat on him. I can tell you as a guy who has had others do him wrong...in more ways than one it is VERY hard to try and trust someone again. You know its strange I can easily believe you...and I don't even know you...and yet if it was my wife I would have a hard time with it. I know it makes no sense at all and MANY a time I have beat myself up after accusing my wife of things, for NO good reason I may add, but I can tell you all he is thinking is "Oh no here we go again!"
About all I can offer you is this....my wife truly loves me...even with all my faults...and I do know this....and deep down I know she would never cheat on me....and I am sure that your man knows the same.....so just try and tough it out. Let him know that NEVER would you hurt him like that....and it really hurts you to know that he thinks you would. Sometimes my wife has to get a little blunt with me to wake me up....and she will say I am NOT your EX...so stop treating me like her! That usually does it lol
I really hope you can work this out it sounds like you are really in love with him or you wouldn't even bother to ask what you can do.

Best of luck

Answer 2

If you are not cheating and you love your man then you have got some work to do. He is questioning your trust worthiness because of a sock? That is a sign that he is insecure in the marriage. You have got to change that quickly and make him feel like he is the "man".

Please understand that in today's climate, so many women are having affairs all over the place. A man's ego just can't handle that. It is obvious that you love him and want to keep the marriage so you will need to reassure him. We men have such large egos but we are very vulnerable.

Forgive him for being wrong and human on this issue. Teach him to be more trusting by being more open and honest with him. Get past this and mark it up for experience. He probably just loves you and can't stand the thought of another having you. You got the love now make it work!

PS: If after all your honest efforts he still persist, then you need to get some outside help.

Answer 3

Understand something...this is nto about TRUST. yes, in a perfect world, you'd have some sort of evidence against your mate, but you'd KNOW down in your soul that it could never happen.

But here in the real world, we are people with feelings and the ideaof putting that much love and respect into your wife and find out that someones been slippin her the pickle?

And it's not even the sex AS MUCH as the lack of respect, how foolish you would feel...my wife knows that there is now ay I could ever forgive that.

So you should go to your husband and explain that you understand how potentially devestating an affair would be and how it would make him feel and ask what, if anything, you can do to convince him you are not cheating. Offer to go out only with him for 2 weeks. In other words, no trips to the store or with friends. Take him everywhere. And offer to trade cell phones so that anybody calling you will get him.

First of all, the boredom will soon make him less jealous and he will see there is no way you could be conducting an affair under those conditions. And 2 weeks is a short time to invest but long enugh to have him really believe its not possible for you to be cheating.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Hey hun Im married too and me and my wife go back and forth with that kind of S H I T we found out that it was our own problems that where makeing us get at the necks of each other maybe he came close to cheating on you or he might just be insucure with him self with me it was that many people even parents left me in the past and I thought she would do the same you have to train each other to trust one another if you love him try and find out where those feelings are comeing from because a sock aint hard enough evidence

Answer 5

Your husband's insecurities are just that-
HIS INSECURITIES - not yours.

No matter how many times you may tell them, some men just cannot be convinced that their wife or G/F
is not cheating on them. It ties into their issues with self-esteem. It seems that in the past, your spouse had the misfortune to date and/or marry women who were not faithful to him. Being cheated on is a terrible blow to one's ego - man or woman.

If your husband has been in more than one relationship where he has been cheated on, he has probably spent a great deal of time reflecting on what he did wrong that could have caused his wife/GF
to stray. Most likely, he blames himself at least in part for the failure of the relationship(s). This can lead to feelings of anger, guilt, depression, blame and insecurity.

Your husband may feel unlovable or undeserving of being loved because of his previous failed relationships. Even if things are going great between the 2 of you, he may still believe you are going to cheat or leave him just like the others did.
He may feel he doesn't deserve you.
In the end, he may wind up driving you away
with his constant accusations.

I had a friend who had similar issues -
but it wasn't her husband who had the problem.
It was her. She was constantly making unfounded accusations of infidelity. It almost drove her
husband away. Nearly losing him finally made her realize just how irrational her accusations had been. She spent a lot of time in self-reflection
to better understand why she felt the way she did.
She slowly began to realize that she had abandonment issues. When she was able to come
to that realization, she sat her husband down and talked to him openly about her feelings of jealousy
She explained how panicky she felt when she thought she had reason to suspect him of cheating.


Her husband listened to what she had to say,and finally understood what had been driving her to behave as she did. They made an agreement.
If they went out somewhere (say to a party)
and she began to have that panicky feeling that preceded her feelings of anger and jealousy, she would signal him.
He would immediately come and stand next to her.
He would then put his arm around her, and pull her close to him while whispering a compliment.
This had the desired effect.
Eventually, with her husband's continued love and support, she was gradually able to overcome her feelings of jealousy - and they have now been married for 19 years.

When your husband is able to acknowledge that his insecurities are strictly his own insecurities - then you will be able to move forward in helping him to deal with his worries, and make him finally realize that you are not like the others -and that you are there for the long haul.


You might also want to tell him that everyone has a stray sock they've never seen before turn up in their house. We've had several this past year-
we just blame it on the sock gnome -
stealer of socks -LOL!!!

Answer 6

I have to say there must be something going on with one of the parties in the marriage. If a sock was discovered that is not owned by either of you it is obviously owned by someone else. It did not just beam down from the Alien Sock Mother Ship.

Unless there is some other plausible explanation, one of two things is happening:

1. You ARE cheating and got caught by sock discovery.
2. HE is cheating and was caught by sock discovery and is trying to conceal his guilt by shifting the blame to you.

I'd consider that second item a serious possibility if you did not, in fact, cheat.

Answer 7

I had a boyfriend who found HIS socks in my dresser and he accused me of cheating, insisting over and over that I must have been with another man recently. Another time he found a condom in the trash that we had used the day before and he accused me of cheating.

These incidents of unreasonable jealousy for me turned out to be early signs of control and abuse on his part.

I'm not saying that your husband will turn out like my ex-boyfriend did. I'm only mentioning it to bring up the idea of looking for patterns of behavior. Has he made other unreasonable accusations? Do you ever get the impression that he is overly controlling of you?

What to do, what to do...

It's not really your duty to try to prove to him your innocence. All you can do is tell him the truth. How stressful your situation is.

I would wait it out and let him run through his jealousy/suspicion cycle. If he drills you on the same stuff over and over, politely and firmly let him know that you already discussed the issue with him and that you don't have to keep talking about it. After a few reminders like that it's fair game to start ignoring the nasty accusations and questions.

Answer 8

Give him complete access to your life, call him often, let him have access to your email and call you whenever he wants. Spend more time with him than anyone or anything else. Daily tell him different things about him that make you feel like he is the best and only one for you. Listen to him without interrupting or trying to fix his problems. Don't look at or talk to or about other men. Volunteer to go to counseling with him, any kind he wants. Take a vacation with just him and no phone, TV or computer access to anyone else. If this seems like too much to ask....then I suspect you don't really enjoy his company and that makes him suspicious. Of course, some men are suspicious because thay themselves ARE cheating...

Answer 9

I hate reading all those comments about seeking marital counseling but...

if he's having major trust issues because of how others have treated him in the past... then you really need to seek professional help.

I"m not saying that you guys are doomed. I think this is something you guys can really work out... but he may need to have a professional help him work out his issues with the past.

Answer 10

I would say dont overdefend yourself,you told him you didnt,drop it!
I know you want him to believe you..but going on n on can push him the other way! its ultimately his choice to believe or not to belive you. nothing you say will make that choice for him.
some people just cant ever trust anyone! hopefully your hubby will learn to get over it!
Id say not to change your routine too much,if you do,maybe ask him out on a date or to a movie or something small,if he lets it end your marriage you will be better off! I had the same situation...he's gone now! and me n new hubby,very happy