2006-09-28 16:23:33 · 21 answers · asked by dmoss2007 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's hard to do, but you have to do it. If you don't he/she will never quit drinking if you don't.
I know you love this person, but this person is making your life miserable. You deserve better in life. This isn't a dress rehearsal. This is your one life. Every day that you spend worrying about this person's behavior is one less day that you could be out living life and being a happy healthy person.
Every person in this life has to be responsible for themselves. If he/she is drinking and working too hard, it's because of a choice they made. No one forces someone to be an alcoholic or workaholic. It's a choice. There are alternatives.
When this person makes these choices, he/she is telling you without words exactly where you fall in their pecking order of life, and it isn't in the 1st or 2nd slot.
This person probably does love you very much, but their actions are making you unhappy. Like I said, you deserve a happy and emotionally happy life. Unless they are willing to change, you need to get the courage up to leave and start a new life. Change is very difficult and people find just the word "change" alone can feel traumatic......but change is healthy.........and you aren't in a healthy situation.
Give them information on how to get help, but don't drive them to a AA meeting. They need to drive themselves. If they seek out help, they need to know they weren't forced.......they need to realize it was their choice to get better.
Once they get their life back on track, maybe you can consider becoming a part of their life again..........but don't go back after one AA meeting. You need to give the person real time to get their life back in order.
Good luck to you. You have some hard choices to make. I don't know who you are, but please know I'm saying a prayer right now for you and for God to be with you and give you the courage to do what is right for you and this other person.
Sincerely,
Robin_in_Tennessee
2006-09-28 16:36:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I just did it. I spent 8 years giving ultimtums, leaving, comming back and going through it all over again. That is a long time to be trying to fix what cn only be fixed by the one doing the drinking. Eventually it will become a safety issue and if you have children, you have a responsibility to them to leave. It is really hard to do. Everyone in here can tell you to go but you will be the one with the sleepless nights and the one to cry till you puke cause you just cant save it. Remember that this is a greaving process, like a death without a corpse. It is hard. You need a good support team arround you. You will have up days and down days and lots of days that you will want to go back to the mess even though you know it is toxic, unhealthy and unsafe. You will miss the only life you knew for so long, you will fear the unknown of the future. But slowly, over time it does get better. I hope. My soon to be ex quickly replaced me, the same day he told me he was going to off himself if I did not come back. Now there is a bar ***** going through my things in my house. See how much he loved, he said all the right things when he was not abusing. Thank God for lawyers. Get you a good one. By monday I will be in the house and he will be paying the bills and locked out. Document everything. Good luck, get counseling and dont back down. everytime you back down he gets the idea that it is ok to do whatever it is he wants to do.
2006-09-28 23:41:00 · answer #2 · answered by Lynnette G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have read the other answers and mine is a little different. How do you feel about the situation? Do you love this person? THe ball is in your court. My advice to you is to contact your local Chapter AA and find out when the Al_Anon meeting for spouses is. You start making the changes. They will tell you what to look for and how to handle the situation. My husband is an alcoholic. He put it down on his own. If your partner does decide to quit, be sure to praise him/her for their efforts of even trying. If they see you really want things to work they are more apt to make the changes on their own. Find Support Groups to help you. Good Luck
2006-09-28 23:44:22 · answer #3 · answered by sheila s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alcoholics can not "slow down". They either have to quit drinking period or they continue to drink. An alcoholic is never "cured" they are simply non-drinking alcoholics. Obviously if you're not worth giving up the booze for then he doesn't love you as you seem to think he does, he loves the booze more. How do you leave? You just do. You can not make him quit, he has to want to do so on his own. He doesn't want to obviously.
2006-09-29 03:30:04 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How? How? Heres how!
You pack your bags and walk OUT thru the door. As long as you stay this person will not change because this is called enabling, and they also can blame you for their problem rather than having to take responsibility for their own stuff. DO NOT HAVE PITY DO NOT FEEL BAD Alcoholism is an insidious disease a bonified disease but its a mental disease as well, and its a disease that wants to kill not only your friend but YOU AS WELL Your partner might not change if you leave either but you will at least SAVE YOUR OWN SANITY AND YOUR LIFE and go to Al-Anon meetings for the support you need, even if you don't leave go to the al anon meeting. I promise you will be ok if you listen to them.. please dear, best of luck. remember "one day at a time"
2006-09-28 23:31:19 · answer #5 · answered by micheleseptember 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You just do it. You have no choice. If you stay you are enabling them to continue with their way of life. He/She loves alcohol more if he/she refuses to slow down. Best to tell the person and move on.
2006-09-29 01:55:35 · answer #6 · answered by older&wiserforit 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At the moment, the person who you know loves you, loves that bottle more. You need counseling, and fast. If your s/o won't go with you, you go for yourself. Al-Anon was suggested, so go there.
When you get yourself together, you'll have the strength to leave. It will hurt you, and it will hurt your s/o, but in the long run, it will be the best thing. Good luck.
2006-09-28 23:29:17 · answer #7 · answered by kellygirlaj 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sooner or later they are headed for the big crash.Either emmotionally or physically. When dealing with this person you are dealing with the alcohol, not the person. It's your choice,either live the rest of your life in turmoil or create a new life that you deserve.
2006-09-28 23:29:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF HE DOESN'T WANT TO GET HELP YOU MUST LEAVE, IF NOT YOU'RE ENABLING HIM. ALCOHOLISM IS A DISEASE AND MUST BE TREATED THAT WAY AND IF HE LOVES YOU HE WOULD WANT TO GET HELP FOR HIS PROBLEM. YOU SHOULD TRY GOING TO A.A AND GETTING PAMPHLETS ABOUT THE DISEASE AND LET HIM KNOW WHAT THE DRINKING IS DOING TO HIS BODY AS WELL THE EFFECTS THAT IS HAVING ON YOU. IF ALL ELSE FAILS TRY AND GET HIS FAMILY INVOLVED IN AN INTERVENTION THAT WAY EVERYONE CAN EXPRESS THE WAY THEY ALL FEEL AND THEN HE WILL SEE HOW MUCH EVERYONE CARES ABOUT HIM AND JUST WANTS HIS BEST INTEREST AT HEART.
2006-09-28 23:32:06 · answer #9 · answered by diamond girl36 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you have to decide wether you love him more than you love yourself. I think you sholud read some books about codependency, i´m not saying you are a codependent but they can help you gain the strenght to leave that person for good. So start taking care of you and start a new happy life, good luck!!
2006-09-28 23:28:47 · answer #10 · answered by Katiegirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋