Now we spoke today and she told me i did it to hurt her feelings I love my sister but i stuck with her when she lost her baby. I know it hard for her but she blames me for getting pregant. Any advice
2006-09-28 14:58:47 · 26 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
o gosh that is a tough one..I honestly dont believe she really blames you for getting pregnant..she is just very upset..talk with her...i mean not over the phone or anything go to her casa and talk to her or maybe call her bf or husband and tell him whats going on and see if their is something he can do to help her understand..losing a baby is HORRIBLE expecially like that... maybe she needs to go to counseling..it really does help.
2006-09-28 15:01:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
My sister has a hard time dealing with my life because she has been trying to concieve now for 5 years and it serisouly doesn't look like she's ever going to have a baby. I "oopsie" get pregnant and it makes her very sad that I can sneeze and concieve a child. I wish I could help her but I have nothing I can do for her. She was excited when I had my first 6 1/2 years ago because she didn't know she couldn't have children. In 2003 I had a miscarriage and she was horrible and her and her husband said I deserved it and called me a whore (I was in a relationship at the time, a very good and very long relationship LOL) and they hated me for it. I had my second daughter 14 months ago and while my sister loves her niece she wishes she could have her own and she's trying harder and harder to the point of obsession. Now I am pregnant again- 37 weeks now and she is having an awful time dealing with it. I offered for her if she will try for another three years that I will be a surrogate for her if she wants and she has accepted and this maintains an ounce of peace within her soul. There's really nothing you can do to make your sis understand that you still have a life to lead even if her life is a little hectic. She will soon understand and be happy that her little niece or nephew is on the way- it's just very hard to have lost a child and watch someone else have a perfectly healthy child. It's a very sad situation. Try to be sypathetic but also have a talk with her that is cut and dry... that you are sorry she lost her baby and you support her in any way possible but that you also have a life to live and that includes bearing children.
2006-09-28 16:19:53 · answer #2 · answered by momofthreemiracles 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When I lost my baby, I was very angry at my sister, my sister-in-law, and my best friend because they were all pregnant. All I could think about was how unfair it was that my baby died and theirs did not. I didn't actually want their babies to die, but in my anger, I was not thinking the way I normally do. I think it would have made things easier for me if they had simply told me how sorry they were that my baby died and if they had not excluded me from conversations about pregnancy and babies. I wanted them to recognize that I had had a baby too only my baby had died. The grief and anger of losing a child is difficult to deal with and takes time. Your sister will someday probably regret the things she is saying to you now. It must be very difficult for you to handle when you are feeling so happy about your baby. The only advice I can give is to continue to be supportive of her during this time of grief and anger. I wish you the best. Don't let yourself be consumed with guilt either because of your sister's feelings. She may just need some space from you for a little while until she can deal with her anger.
2006-09-28 15:18:53 · answer #3 · answered by Faith 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
She'll get over this. I would suggest keeping a little distance between you and your sister for a month or so though. I think when she realizes that you didn't do this to rub it in her face she'll come around. I understand she was devistated, but there's no reason for you to be about this new life inside of you. I know you love your sister, but for her to blame YOU for God giving you a miracle is just jealousy. Not that anyone blames her for her pain, but she shouldn't blame you for it either. I am happy for you that you're having this baby and I wish you the best of luck.
2006-09-28 15:10:05 · answer #4 · answered by ms pokeylope 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She's just hurting. She's not mad at you, she's just hurting, and she's lashing out at a prime target; you. Be sensitive, acknowledge her hurt to her in a very empathetic way "I can't begin to know how hard it was for you, and I know it's something you'll never get over and will always carry with you" and reassure her you love her and are not trying to hurt her.
Remember, life does not revolve around your sister, 'life must go on'. Give her space, but don't avoid her. Avoiding her makes it look like you're guilty.
Good luck.
2006-09-28 15:07:02 · answer #5 · answered by Margie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
From the view of someone who has lost several babys give her time to adjust. Its very hard to see anyone let alone someone you love get pregnant when you are still mourning the loss of yours. I remember I couldn't even stand to see a pregnant stranger. Unless you have been in the situation you will never be able to understand it. Just give your sister time and don't remind her that you are pregnant every 5 minutes. Let her bring it up and try to be patient. also remind her that you love her and that she will be a big part of this childs life. Please do not say to her someday you will have on to. That's the worse thing anyone can say!
2006-09-28 15:05:47 · answer #6 · answered by AMANDA B 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Hi, I am writing this answer because I just went through the same type of situation. Only I was the one who lost a baby and my sister was also pregnant. ( her baby is strong n healthy, thank God ).
Losing a baby is one of the most difficult things for a woman to go through, and it takes time to heal. You sister really needs to get the support that she needs from family and friends. there is also a group called the bereaved family's( in canada anyways ) that are a very good source of help.
Im sure that it is also tough on you. and that your sister didnt mean to say what she said. its hard to say what you wanna say without lashing out.
I lost my son Kayden in February of this year.. and like 2 months later my sister had her baby. to be honest i felt sadness, hate, grief, love, all at the same time.. everytime i seen the baby i was sad, it was hard to hold him. but in the end.. right now. he is my Godson and I love him to peices.. he actualy helped with my loss.. sounds weird but its true.. ( hope the same for your family.)
Now Im not saying not to tell your sister about the progression of the pregnancy, but just remember she needs to heal.
sometimes when your sad and someone tries to help its hard to accept.
I really hope that you can get through it together..
please try to get her into councelling.. she might not think she needs it but it will help to be around others who have experienced the same type of thing.
*there is lots of sites that are helpfull as well..here is one.
http://www.nationalshareoffice.com/
Congrats.. on the baby!
b.t.w
I am now going on my 4th month of pregancy..
I have faith in God and know he has a plan..
2006-09-28 15:32:55 · answer #7 · answered by canadiansnugglebunny 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
She is obviously grieving, and because you are close to her she probably thinks you should be on "her side", and by getting pregnant she feels you have betrayed her in her hour of need.
Its likely not an act of betrayal, but a fact of biology that you got pregnant.
Give her time and space - and know that her hormones will be a mess for awhile, and now so will yours.
Try not to let this ruin your relationship in the long run, so steer clear of letting things get really ugly.
2006-09-28 15:09:07 · answer #8 · answered by Melis__A 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i, too, lost a baby at six months pregnant. it was the hardest thing i have ever been through in my life. i will tell you that for the longest time after losing my baby, it made me angry to see pregnant women and women with small babies. i think its a phase in the healing. your sister is probably feeling this, and because she's comfortable with you, unlike with strangers, she is expressing those feelings. don't feel hurt by what she says, its her grief talking. she needs some time. you may try to talk to her about when it seems like a good time.
2006-09-28 15:04:25 · answer #9 · answered by Jen k 2 · 5⤊ 0⤋
its understandable for your sister to feel like that. She just lost her baby and now that you are pregnant she has all kinds of emotions running through. Let her grieve for her baby and soon (not sure how long is soon) she will come around and be happy for you. Continue to talk to her and let her know that you are still there for the her.
2006-09-29 04:52:04 · answer #10 · answered by DO IT! 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I was pregnant a few weeks behind my sister. She lost her baby, I gave birth to a ten pound boy. At NO point in time did she ever say a bad thing to me, or about my son.
I would suggest to your sister that she get counseling. It really sounds likes she needs it.
2006-09-28 16:52:30 · answer #11 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋