Does putting distance and showing a lack of interest, get the other person to care more?

Question

I was just wandering if I put some distance between myself and my partner, and show a lack of interest in them, would my partner miss me more? My marriage has had some problems, and when we are on the outs, usually I am usually the one who runs to fix things, cause my partner shows no interest any longer, till we are back together. I know this sounds messed up, but I was just wandering if I gave the same dose of medicine back, if it would turn things around or not. Please give your in put. I hate playing games, but I am sick of this happening to me, and don't want to leave the relationship quite yet.

Answer 1

evie,
this would be considerd playing games in a game of one upmanship and you should steer clear of that, instead i would suggest that you do what your saying in another way, in a more positive way. find somthing you like doing or enroll at the college and emerse your self fully. do your remeber when you two first got together if your marriage is like most if your put on make up or did the dishes or just got busy doing somthing other then directing attention directly at him, it seem to have an effect on him and he would nuzzel up behind you kissing you on the neck or what ever he did? the same can be equated to watching your children, they have no use for you untill you want to be comfortable watching tv or you get busy reading or somthing like that.? your husband is a grown child and your marriage got interupted by life and by the same ole same. you may have to let some of the perverbial excrament hit the fan while your preoccupied by enjoying somthing but thats life, even if its hard your not wonderwoman. find out what makes you happy and do it, the catch to doing this though is to act like your giddy and so euphorically in love and things will spark at the same time he realizes he cant be lazy and has to work to keep your love as you seem to be moving on and improving/impowering yourself... i wish you the best of luck and remeber never never play games

Answer 2

It's funny you should ask because that is the only time my spouse pays attention. When I'm fed up with the selfisness, etc. and am like you know what, I'm out. Things change. When I get to the point where I'm not angry and I'm just too tired to argue, complain, compromise, or care; I notice an immediate change in my spouse. I think it causes them to say oh boy, maybe I went to far this time.

Don't worry, my spouse is a trash talker but when I get real calm and just leave....I see results immediately. I had to do it before we got married and once since we've been married.

I don't like playing games either, but it's a better alternative to divorce or permanent seperation or something when ultimately your spouse is a good person who can show their a$$ sometimes. It only last a few hours or a day at the most.

Answer 3

Evie,
First of all I am very sorry about the relationship trouble you're dealing with. I'm no stranger to "messed up" relationships.
My advice at this point would be for you to let it run it's course.
If this guy's really serious about you and truly does love you he should recognize on his own what he's losing and make the move to fix it himself.
If he's unwilling to do anything now, what makes you think he ever will?
Odds are he's a little self absorbed and is only looking out what serves his needs and not yours.
I'm not really an advocate of divorce but I understand sometimes people just get married way to soon or for all the wrong reasons. Just something to consider.
Again- if he loves you and then you're worth saving a relationship over but only he can make ammends.
Hold your standards high, there are plenty of guys out there looking for a serious partner and they don't want games or 'drama' either....I should know I'm one of them.

Good Luck either way, I hope he sees what he's doing to you and what he stands to lose!

Answer 4

I believe it would back fire. It really depends on what luggage they carry from past relationships. You need to sit down an talk about the problems. It sounds like putting space in between means you are avoiding something. You need to show him how loving and caring you can be. WIN him with all the irresistible things you can do and be. Distancing him may make him feel as though you have given up. At least once a month I buy my husband flowers and a card. I always tell him thank you when he does anything for me. Even when it is everyday normal things that would be expected, like taking the trash out or taking me to dinner. They like to know that you appreciate them and that they are needed.

Answer 5

Well...I'm sorry that your marriage seems to have a lot of those "outs". Your partner seems immature treating you that way when the two of you should be talking things out.

My mom always said that when the hen ignores the rooster, he comes a callin'! It has seemed to work for me and some of my friends! Whether you should do this or not is up to you. I really hope you pick your pride and self esteem up off the ground and not go running to fix everything anymore! That should not be your job! Ever! If he shows no interest then screw him!! Meaning: don't give him the time of day! Go on your merry way and carry on your usual routines, ya just do them without him!

Answer 6

putting distance is only going to push you further apart and be the end. a relationship can never be one person or the other, it is about both ofyou working on it together. and sadly,if one or both of you no longer have an interest theres' not much point in continuing to go through the motions. talk to your partner about your feelings, it's very possible they see things quite differently. maybe for years they felt they were the one trying to fix things and you were distant and perhaps it has come full circle. I don't konw and can't tell you what to do. i can wish you luck and say that it's probably best to talk about it.

Answer 7

Only play this game if this is how you truly feel. By the sounds of it I would not count on your husband (why call him your "partner") to come chasing after you.

Answer 8

They say "absence makes the heart grow fonder." But another saying is "out of sight, out of mind." It's a gamble either way. Good Luck

Answer 9

IT'S TAKEN YOU THIS LONG TO DO THAT? I DON'T LIKE GAMES EITHER, BUT HAVE DONE IT BACK TO HIM AND YES IT WORKED, IF IT DOESN'T RESPOND THEN HE DOESN'T CARE ABOUT YOU. MAYBE IT IS TIME TO MOVE ON FOR YOU. FIND A PARTNER.

Answer 10

I am married and I have tryed doing that to my husband he has turned on me also...