Please help me come out to my parents?

Question

I'm so tired of living a lie. I feel trapped, but I'm dead afraid to come out to my parents. I feel dead inside little by little if I don't come clean. How should I tell my parens that I'm gay?

I don't know what to do. Please help me.

Yes, I still live with my parents.

Answer 1

peternopants,
Whoa there horsey!

Are you living at home? Are you dependent upon parents that will disown you?

If so, wait until you are out. You have to protect yourself!

Be wise! I know that you want to be honset, right? That's commendable. But don't screw yourself for something that you kknow that you can hold on to.

But I don't know what's up with you. So, a few details please.

Answer 2

It depends on how "Open-minded" your folks are. Have you ever heard them make negative remarks about homosexuals? It may not be in your best interest to move out before you tell them. I was living with my grandparents at the time when I came out. It was hard. Their responses were NOT what I planned on. It was all positive, but I know that not all people have such an accepting family as I do. Maybe a good step towards telling your MOM is to sign on to this site, locate this particular question, have your MOM read it and ask her what she would say as a response. When you hear what she has to say, if positive, tell her that the advice is really good and that you are happy that she is open-minded because you have something to tell her, then tell her that the question was asked by you. Its worth some consideration. Message me sometime and we can talk about it if your still not ready.

Answer 3

If your parents have made serious negative comments regarding homosexuality, do not share the information with them until you have moved out on your own. If they have never led you to believe that they would physically harm you if you were gay, by all means, tell them. Sit them down together, or seperately and tell them: "I have a secret that I have been keeping because I'm afraid that telling you would change the way you feel about me. It hurts me to keep this from you. I'm gay." Then, take it from there. At first, only share information if they ask. When they ask questions, they are ready to hear the answer. If they do not want to know, they will not ask.

Answer 4

Oh Hun, you have every right to feel afraid. Chances are when you tell your parents there is going to be a shock factor for them. They may get mad and angry at you, but remember it's taken you ages to come out, and they just heard it for the first time. Let them go have a couple drinks and relax. They most likely will come to thier sense and understand they still love you.

Now if you live at home and are not able to take care of yourself, try to find a local pflagg organization. They might help your parents understand, or if it goes really bad, they might help you find a temporary home. They are wonderful people. I know me and Stan always gave a lot of money to them.

Bust most of all, have a drink to calm you nerves and tell them. Stop hiding you light under a tree. You know even Jack had to come out of the closet.

Answer 5

You don't say how old you are, and that's going to make alot of difference in the answer.

If you are dependent on your folks for your school and/or living arrangements, and they are homophobic, then bide your time and wait until you can support yourself. Find your support community where you live, simple search for gay crisis line, and give them a call and find out who in your area can help you. Its there, you just have to ask.

If you are not dependent on them, plan an escape route (have a friend set up you can go stay with), and then simply sit down and tell them. Be prepared for the consequences, good or bad.

Oh and keep in mind, your mother probably already knows.

Good luck to you.

Answer 6

I totally know how you feel. I agree with the other one that said if you are still living at home and dependent on them, hang on for a bit. Or go to a parent you can trust and talk to them.

My mom knows, but not my dad. Only one of my brothers know. It's a very hard thing. I ended up writing a letter to my mother, then my brother. My mom had trouble thinking it was a phase, but its not Im now with the same woman for 5 years.

Good luck.

Answer 7

What's the lie? Why do your parents or anyone have to know? Live your life, get out on your own, the world is not going to crumble if you don't yell out that you have a sexual preference for people of your own gender--get real, the world is much, much more than sex and the world will not stop because you like olives but not onions or whatever. Want help? See a shrink. Keep your cool and go on.

Answer 8

consider that you are NOT living any kind of lie at all. Your parents have not asked, so there is no reason to spring this on them. If you are dependent upon them, you do not want to run the chance of being ...non grata at their home. You are too young to be on your own. After you have your land legs and are on your own is the time, if necessary at all. They probably already know. Relax, enjoy life and don't worry about this at this time...no need to. Good luck

Answer 9

I understand you so much. I'm living the same thing right now. That's been 8 years that I know I'm gay.

I spoiled my best years, living the live of another person, that was not me, putting up a face, changing my habits, lying, etc.
Slowly, I felt more and more my inner self falling in pieces. I cut myself from other people, started to find it hard to meet new persons, started to get bad grades at school, lost interest in most things.

About one year ago, I realised I couldn't be strong enough to get out of that by myself. I understood that I was slowly eaten by that ****, and that I needed to change or else I'd really destroy myself.
But I tried to carry on anyway, because I didn't dare change, didn't dare talk about it.

2 weeks ago I really couldn't anymore, I just felt too bad. I came out to my mum, to relieve a part of the pain. It was ok by her, though her opinion was more "live and let live" than a supporting one. Soon I'll have to do other people, again, till at least I can start to live my life for real. I waited till the very last moment to do it, till the pain was strong enough to break even my fear of coming out ...

Boy, you're 22 (we have the same age), yes, I think it is time you resolve that issue. The advices above are sound. You can't just take any risk to come out. But seriously, only you can know how your parents will react. And in most cases, they can understand, with time.

You must see what's best for you. Living like that can destroy a part of you, or at least ruin a part of your life, and bring you to extremities.

You need people you can talk to, first, seek advice, not just a few lines, like here. Do you know other gay people, gay associations ? Maybe you have friends to whom it could be easier to talk about it before telling your parents ?

Maybe you could then tell your mother. Mothers usually are more accepting. Don't hesitate to show here how much you're distraught, and in pain, it is important that she understands that. Also, she needs to know you're still the same person as you were, just that now you're not going to hide that part or yourself anymore. Being gay shouldn't be a *big* part of your life anyway, it's not like your parents or you will have to think about it all the time.

Don't rush, choose well the people you'll talk to about it, not everyone can be trusted, and being outed is not a good experience.
Not everyone will give you good advices either, and some people will want to tell you what to do.
But it's *your* life. You must choose what you'll do, you must see what advices sound good, and what seems like bullshit - advices, that's all, not choices made in your stead.
That's not easy to make such choices. Once you're out, there's no going back.
That's why you must talk about it, and get a lot of informed opinions, to make yourself your own.

Also, you're not alone, never will you. There will always be people to help you, to comfort you, to understand you. People who have lived the same story, or people who know better than that and who'll be by your side when you need them, people who won't judge you, people who will accept you for who and what you are.

If you feel like talking, if you need help, or just sharing stories, we can chat about it.

Take care, and cheers !

Answer 10

You outta try being with a girl sometime..the parts fit together alot better than they would with two guys I imagine..lol

Anyways, be a man and just tell your parents the truth. Just because you're gay doesn't mean that you have to act gay. So tell them. Live with the consequences whatever they may be. Chances are your parents will respect your decision as long as you don't do anything in front of them with your boyfriend.