Whenever my guy and I have a disagreement, I don't believe in heated confrontations, so I will usually walk away until things chill a bit. Twice in the past couple of months, he has "shown up" after following me after a disagreement to insist that we talk. There is no physical abuse, that's why I'm not real "worried" . The only reason I asked him for a little space is because I wanted to talk rationally, so I left and asked that we talk on the phone. Instead, he drove like 15 miles out of his way after following me to insist we should talk, and would not let me get in my car. He just stood in front of it and insisted that I agree to talk in person. This has happened like twice in 2 or 3 months. He follows me places, and insists that we talk. Advice, please? I just want to be sure there is not a budding problem here.....
2006-09-28 13:36:16 · 11 answers · asked by Future Doc 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
This is controlling behavior. Perhaps he feels he is in the right for the need to "clear the air NOW." That is how he deals with things.
The way you deal with it is different. You want time to think it over before you say something you might regret later.
The control issue is abusive because he is clearly lacking respect for what you need. Then taking the extra steps (following you and not letting you in your car) that he did are clear signs of abusive behavior. Not to mention stalking and harassment.
He sounds dangerous to me. I have been there, dear, with someone who would keep me up for hours to "clear the air." The physical and sexual violence came later.
Protect yourself and lose him. If he insists on doing more of those creepy things, call the cops.
2006-09-28 13:45:35 · answer #1 · answered by thezaylady 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he's Italian or of Mediteranean decent that's pretty normal behavior, lol. They can be emotional and passionate more so than other kinds of guys when it comes to feelings and misunderstandings.How long have you been dating this guy and do you know any of his friends that you'd be comfortable asking about him?Is this a usual pattern for him?Sounds like you two don't know each other very well.Because of that it wouldn't hurt to be a little careful until you have more information in which to base your reasoning on.It also sounds like he also doesn't understand the concept of respecting someone elses limitations.Asking for a little space shouldn't be a big deal normally.But... some people interpret that as the other person wanting to stop dating them.If you don't like this behavior then you need to set him straight in a no nonsense way .No smiling, no giggling and no apologies either.Get to the point and explain your position. Tell him that it makes you uncomfortable and to stop doing it. You should make him understand understand that there will be unpleasant consequences if he continues doing this when you ask him not to. Some violent guys count on the fact that they can intimidate you...I'm not saying he's one of them but you have to be willing to be serious about this just in case he is someone with serious emotional problems.
2006-09-28 20:55:09 · answer #2 · answered by Yahooanswerssux 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This sounds a little scary...a little controlling. He should respect your need for space. If he doesn't, then it's like he doesn't respect you kinda... Sure, he may wish to resolve things rather than letting them hang in the air, but I know I wouldn't like this behavior. Maybe if you told him it makes you uncomfortable being confronted directly after every disagreement he would get your side of the situation and back off a bit. If you are scared he might get mad if you told him this, you may already be in a controlling and potentially dangerous relationship...
2006-09-28 20:44:21 · answer #3 · answered by Golfgirl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try it on yourself! Do you want someone end a conversation when he or she feels like and walk away? I think it is rude. My guy used to do to me what you are doing to your guy! Every time he would just walk away "to have his space" I would swear to myself it is the last time I had tried talking to him. Some people are emotional and it hurts to just let them down like this! Try "let's talk about it some other time, but now let's do something else" for a change!
2006-09-28 20:57:39 · answer #4 · answered by NONE 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kind of a weird situation... maybe try to explain to him why you want space after an argument. But if this escalates into any thing close to an abusive thing get out.
2006-09-28 20:39:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't you have other things to do than worry about a guy that can't make up his mind..sheesh
He's not the only fish in the sea ya know.
Don;t be so weak...be strong and set your mark and enforce it.
2006-09-28 20:38:33 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is the begining signs of a controlling person. get out now.
2006-09-28 20:41:28 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
he's going a bit overboard
you should just talk about ONCE.
if he's still clingy and insisting, then maybe you need permanent space.
good luck
2006-09-28 20:39:37 · answer #8 · answered by concrete_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds very possesive to me. I think you need to leave him,He doesnt sound too stable. Sounds like hes stalking you or something. I think hes capable of hurting you if he doesnt get what he wants ,,when he wants it. You need to leave him now.
2006-09-28 20:40:21 · answer #9 · answered by michelle 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Bad sign.
Leave him now.
2006-09-28 20:38:12 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋