Is it ok to give him a time-limit for marriage?

Question

We've been together for a year and I'll be 39 soon. I vowed to myself LONG AGO that I would not marry after the age of 40 (what's the point?). Is it reasonable to tell him that if we aren't married by the time I hit the big 4-0 he may as well forget asking?

Answer 1

If you two are going to be together forever, marriage status doesn't make much of a difference. Of course, there are legal issues to consider and you guys should get married eventually. But what would be the point of giving him that ultimatum? You would risk losing him entirely... then what? Hope to marry someone *else* before you turn 40? Or, you could chill out for a while and see if you marry this guy in a few years. Give him some more time.

Answer 2

Yes... and no. If expect to be married...and you've dated a particular gentleman for a period of time that you think is sufficient... then YES. it is ok.


But... in your case. You've only dated him for a year. While you may be in a very serious relationship and 1 year is plenty of time, I dont necessarily think you are at a point where you should be dictating when you should be married. Setting yourself a goal of being married by 40 is giving yourself a self imposed expiration date. Why close yourself off after 40? Is there something THAT bad about marrying this guy when you are 40 and 10 days old? why is 40 and 300 days so bad? Is it because of your own issues? What if this guy turns out to be the one, but you turn him OFF because you wont marry him after you turn 40. To be honest... you would scare the crap out of me, because of your own internal clock.

If i were him... this is how i would react.

WHAT THE HELL!?!? lol.

Quit setting deadlines for things that you CAN'T control.

The only reason I think its acceptable to set a deadline is when you've been with someone for FAR too long, and you aren't sure whether this person intends to marry you. Then it would be acceptable to make this person step up to the plate so they dont keep wasting your time.

Good Luck.

Answer 3

No, it is not fair to him. That is a vow you made to yourself. He may need a little bit of time. A year is reasonable but it is not so long that he needs the ultimatum. Be patient and break that vow but only if he is confident and knows he wants to marry you because it is going to take time. You can't rush him into asking you to marry him and planning a wedding and honeymoon because of what you promised yourself. Take time and still date and continue the relationship. Get to know him even more and help men both of your flaws, and things will come together. You don't even know if he is going to ask you in the future. You said your were about to be 39 soon.

Answer 4

hmm...if u rush him them he could quite possibly just leave on his own, tell him how u feel about it, or ask him what he thinks about marriage, and see what he says, just because U are ready and made a vow not to mary after 40, doesnt mean he made that vow to u. he could be a great guy, i would end it over not being married after 40. so what, people marry at the age of 76, 89, so on, its about being happy. whats the difference betweeen marrying now and 2 years from now? what if he marrys you and the relationship doesnt work? are u gonna marry again? cuz it would obvisouly be after 40

Answer 5

A year is too soon. Besides there are people who get married when they are 80. 40 is just a number you're always the same person inside. You want a marriage that is going to last too many people get married too soon and get divorced 2 weeks later . Its not like you're all of the sudden at the stroke of midnight on your birthday going to die or turn white haired and wrinkly. A marriage is about two people, he needs to be ready also.

Answer 6

ahhh...no...do you really want someone to ask you to get married, because of an ultimatum. Age is overated. You are taking the romance out of the picture. What is the difference between 39 and 40? Would you really put that type of pressure on someone else? Someone you love?

Answer 7

What do you find reasonable about any of this crap? You won't get married after 40 because you VOWED not to? What sort of horse $hit philosophy is that? Go ahead and give him an ultimatum -- then it will be another, and another and another until you find a reason to divorce. Deep down there is a part of you that hopes he says 'no'.

Answer 8

Come on Lexy, you recognize the respond to those questions. of route no longer. it really isn't any longer ideal what your hubby is doing. So why submit with it. evaluate sitting him down and having a severe communicate. Did he get married only to have a mild gf he can frequently have sex with and ignore something of the time? If it really is what he needs, it ain't you. tell him that he needs to re-inspect what he needs out of marriage or you're out of there. he's ignoring you, no longer being responsible to you, your baby or himself, and he's being a real jerk. evaluate couples remedy. examine out it this kind, if he has a diverse view of marriage from you, then those adjustments will bring about a breakup. You both favor to be on an identical web page. If he needs to stay married, then both of you flow to marriage counseling. If he's not prepared, it really is because he considers the marriage no longer nicely worth SAVING. possibly it isn't yet supply it a try. First counseling, then, if that would not paintings, hit the line. sturdy success.

Answer 9

No. Give him an ultimatum and we'll see how fast you are single again, then you will never be married because you'll have to start daring again after 40. Too bad you can't open your heart to love, but are freaked by an age thing instead.....

Answer 10

if you really want to be married you will NOT give him a time limit, if we all set an age we had to be married by we would probably all be single.... there are plenty of people who marry after the age of 40 and have great long marriages.......