He's been cheating & coming home this weekend, What should I do?

Question

My husband works 350 miles away from home. I found out he has been cheating on me. He is coming home this weekend. We're trying to work it out but I can't seem to get it out of my head. We are always fighting about it cause I can't let it go as he always says. Is there some thing that I should do this weekend that might help our marriage?

Answer 1

Try to find out why he has been cheating. It could be because of the distance. All men are hardwired to search out as much "booty" as they can. It's all thanks to evolution. We can't cahnge that. But we can figure out what lacks in your relationship.

Perhaps his ego is bruised, things are lacking in your own bedroom, or he just sucks.

There is almost nothing you can do in two days to fix a marrige. sorry! No quick fixes. But you can address the issue and don't fall for the first "I'm sorry hunny i'll never do it again"

Talk it out over dinner, and dont get all emtional and crazy. That will drive him away and make him want more of another women.
Fixing this will take time and you have to want it bad enough.

As for getting it out of your head, that might not happen. If you really love him, and truly forgive him, you will put it out of your mind.

Answer 2

I am not telling you what to do..no one can. But, I have found that IF you cannot put this down completely, the marriage is doomed, and you are NOT to blame..it is just doomed. And his working 350 miles away is not going to help one bit. You, I am sure, imagine him with every trollop in the state, and I cannot blame you. Once you are betrayed, it takes a lot of time and energy on both parts to put it back together. It can be done, but unfortunately, I have found that as soon as it is back together, the other becomes relaxed about the marriage and strays again...to start the whole mess over again. If you are prepared to be in this relationship, knowing what is to come, then settle down and go for it. IF you are not, then cut your losses now, waste no more energy, and get a divorce. You are kidding yourself if you think there is a middle ground. In my experience, I have never found a way to ignore the obvious and live as if it hasn't happened/ isn't happening. Ther eis a lot at stake here, there will be those who say "you took vows for better or for worse," But then again, he took vows to have you only. So much for all those vows, eh? I wish you the best of luck, and you have my sympathy..been there, done that, wrote the book.

Answer 3

The reason you can't let it go is because you want to know why he cheated on you. What you are looking for is closure. Your husband betrayed you and destroyed your trust.

As far as your weekend goes, that's up to you BUT if it involves sex, use protection aka female condoms and some condoms for him. You don't want to contract HPV or some other kind of STD just because your husband couldn't keep his pecker in his pants.

Because my husband had unprotected sex during his affair, I now have HPV. It's my constant reminder of what he did. So be safe. Get tested and ask him to do so as well.

You will get over this. I understand why you can't let it go.... he still works 350 miles away from you and 'she' is there and you aren't. You don't feel that you can trust him anymore. Even if he tells you that he won't cheat anymore you will always wonder. You will never fully trust him as you once did.

Answer 4

God girl what is their to think about, he's done the ultimate no no....did you ever hear who your partner sleeps with you sleep with! How do you know if he's not bringing home an STD? Just because his junk looks clean it may not! You don't even know if this is the first time he's done something like this....

As for helping you marriage, "I don't know" I give you all the credit in the world for even thinking of staying with him.
counseling may help, having him get a job near home that doesn't involve traveling....having him get an STD test including HPV & AIDS {then again in six months}, heck cheat on him see how he feels {no don't do that, don't sink to his level} All these things may help but will it make it better.

I would also like to add there is NO excuse for anyone in a commited relationship to cheat. Having a few alcholic beverages, being far from home for any given length of time is no excuse!!!!!!!!!!!! If your partner cheats, I beleave they have lost love and respect for you and you can never fully go back to what you once had....

What ever your choice, I wish you well for I know you will make the right decision.

Answer 5

First you have to decide if you love your husband enough to want your marriage to work... I know you hear once a cheater always a cheater... That is not the case in every person.... Not if you both want it to work out... Both it is going to take both of you... Not just you.. Not just him... Being cheated on is not something you will ever forget... But to forgive is the question....Your husband can not expect you to just forget this.... He has to show you that he is truly sorry... Being that far apart is not going to be easy on building the trust again....Both of you are going to have to be able to set down and talk about this with out fighting... Be honest with each other on why, how it all took place... And what you are going to do to work through it... Poor all your feelings out to him this week end... And ask him to do the same... If changing jobs might be an option... You might talk about that so he can be closer to home and to you... Good luck what ever may happen.....

Answer 6

Well, it would help if your husband understood that he's created a situation where you don't trust him. How long have you been trying to work it out? Have you gone to a marriage counselor? It sounds to me like you need closure. Did he explain why he cheated, what he did and with whom? Sometimes you need the details of the situation to gain some "power" over it. He may not like it, but tough: he brought it on himself.

What has he done since the affair to regain your trust? What is the possibility of him working closer to home? With him being so far away, you are feeling isolated and insecure. No wonder you bring it up every time you're together...you've not been together enough for him to reassure you and for both of you to work it out together. He can't work that far away and expect for you to be "over it."

The only solution to this may be that you either move to where he works, he finds a job closer to home and you both go into couple's therapy immediately. If the marriage is important to the both of you, you'll both have to make some sacrifices and take the time to get it worked out.

Answer 7

I think its time to get rid of him and find a new man. Its hard to tell how long he's been cheating on you if he works 350 miles away from home. They always say once a cheater always a cheater and i believe that. Good luck with whatever you choose to do.

Answer 8

I don't know what you expect to do in a weekend, because it's going to take a long time for him to earn your trust back. And that will be difficult. What does he do that he works that far away?

If it's any consolation, an affair is always about low self-esteem of the person, and not you. So if you look at it that way, figure out how to boost his ego for a while.

And get counseling if you're serious about repairing this.

Answer 9

That's your HUSBAND,and yes he cheated on you,but you need to give him another chance.Everyone deserves another chance,but always have your guards up at all times with him.Everyone always say,once a cheater always a cheater,but sometimes they take it as a lesson learned and never do it again.The reason why you are feeling this way is cause you have not forgave him yet,but you have to learn how to forgive but no one can ever forget something like that.If you really want to work things out with him,you need to forgive him first.If the LORD can forgive a murderer and a thief you should be able to forgive him too.That is the first step in trying to work on your marriage.2ND step is to stop bringing the situation back up.3rd step is to try to rekindle your marriage again.Last,drop down on your knees and pray to the LORD about it.Once you pray about it,let go and give it to GOD.What I mean by that is,once you pray about it,leave it alone and let the handle everything cause he can handle it better than you can.That mean for you to stop worrying about it cause the LORD will fight your battle for you.Remember one thing,every DOG got their day and every good person has their season.So just sit back and watch what the LORD will do for you.The reason why I'm telling you this is cause I have been through that before and I prayed and gave it to GOD,I also had to learn to forgive in order for everything to work out in my favor.But you do need to sit down with your HUSBAND and talk to him about the situation and also let him know how it made you feeel and how you feel right now about it.GOD honers a married couple before he honers an unmarried couple.You are blessed and just can't see it,believe me when I say you are BLESSED. So good luck and GOD Bless.

Answer 10

Sorry deary,your hubby is a cheater,and alway's will be-nothing you do or say will help your marriage-either this weekend or any other weekend.He has done the dirty on you and you are feeling the hurt and devastation caused by this cretin and others like him.Best thing to do is not to help this marriage,but bin it-it will never be the same again,and you are deluding yourself if you think it will be,you have already said you cannot get it out of your head,what further proof do you need?Move on hun,and good luck:-)