My ex-wfie and I have been divorced for three and a half years now and during that time she has not made very good decisions when it comes to dating men. In fact she has been a total disaster in her behavior and choices. Now she has met a guy who from what I understand is a pretty good guy. So here is the problem. He is being deployed to Iraq for a year, they have only been on 1 maybe 2 dates and yet she is willing to wait the entire year. Just because she has bad luck with men. Of course what she is not willing to admit is that the main reason for her bad luck is due to her bad decision making. So is it reasonable for me to want her to keep her options open so that our kids don't have to see mom get her heart broken again. I want this relationship to work for her, I want her to be happy. I just fear that she might be setting herself up again for a bad sitaution just because she is desperate.
2006-09-28 12:38:00 · 19 answers · asked by big_dreamer2005 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok, so it appears that some of the people who answer questions can't read very well. I said "I WANT THIS RELATIONSHIP TO WORK FOR HER". But everytime she makes a bad decision it hurts my kids. When my kids get hurt it is my business. Can someone explain how if my kids get hurt by her decisionsm, how it's not my business. All I asked is if I am wrong for being concerned. This has nothing to do with me. I WANT THINGS TO WORK FOR HER SO SHE AND MY KIDS DON'T GET HURT! Does using all caps make easier for you to read?
2006-09-28 12:57:07 · update #1
Your a good dad for thinking of your kids...She should think about the kids as well as herself... Keeping an open mind would be a good thing.. If they truly like each other then things will work out for them.. No matter what always be there for your kids... Let them know this.... Maybe tell your ex-wife that if she needs to talk you'll listen..
The two of you have children together and if the shoes was on the other foot would she feel the same way??
Once again keeping an open mind is a good thing...
2006-09-28 14:30:32 · answer #1 · answered by m. kellner 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well for starters sir itis none of your business. Do you think that there is a possiblility that she is willing to wait for this guy because she hates dating the jerks that are out there..I know that you are concerned about her getting hurt and the kids seeing it all over again but. that is her decision she is now a free woman..Make sure that you keep up on your end with the kids and that will make things alot easier for her.. You know that the two of you could be friends and just sit and talk.. It won't hurt ..
don't be telling her what to do or she will just push you away.
And who said she was desperate.. Maybe she got what she wanted from the other men she went out with and when she didn't need it anymore left them.. May have looked like bad decisions to you but you don't know what her motive was.
think about it. Maybe they were pushing for commitment that she didn't want.. and of course they could have been a really bad choice i have made plenty of them in my time. Let her learn to take care of herself with out interference from everyone else. who knows in this years time she may just find someone she really likes that will be around for her.. give the woman a chance it has only been 3 1/2 years.
To soon to get involved anyway..
let her be
2006-09-28 12:52:40 · answer #2 · answered by Sandy F 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It appears you can't make these decisions for her, so the only thing you can do is be there for the kids when she does get her heart broken which probably will happen. Only she can change the way she acts and decides something. Maybe one day she will grow up and make good choices for her and the kids, and yes you have every right to know what goes on as long as you realize for only the kids sake. She has to live her own life, but you have to make sure your children are well cared for.
2006-09-28 13:22:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Unfortunately she is gonna make a lot of mistakes and there is really nothing anyone can say to make her see. All you can do as a good dad that you are is be a good friend and a great father. Help take the load off of her. Watch the kids when you know she is in need. Love up your kids with firmness and fairness so that they see at least one stable parent. Don't judge her cuz she makes mistakes. Single mothers have it tough.
Good Luck.
2006-09-28 12:44:17 · answer #4 · answered by cutencurley_05 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am a 32 year old female and I am in the SAME exact boat. I got remarried 1 year after my divorce and in 10 years my ex has dated some horrible women. Who are potentially new step moms for my two kids! Yep it IS your business. My ex dated a woman who didn't like kids and when he would take the kids over to her apt. she would make them stay outside on the landing. Ooh it made me soooo mad i wanted to kill her! It totally sucks when you have your life all figured out and they live their lives with their heads up their as*es. He has a g.f. now and i REALLY like her. I pray they will marry. Just pray for her that God will lead her to the right man.
Best of luck!
I can totally say" I understand what you are going through"
2006-09-28 20:23:23 · answer #5 · answered by mom of 3 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Since you have been divorce with your ex. You really do not have anymore business in her life or any decision she makes. It is nice of you to think of her well being but you need to let her learn her mistakes. If she have not learn from her previous relationship then she is doomed to fail.
You need to get a life of your own. Do not worry about her. She is a grown up woman making decision her way. Concentrate more on your kids. They are the one that needed to be taking care of not her. Leave your ex alone and his new boyfriend. Besides why do you want her headache anyway. You will only get stress out with her lifestyle.
2006-09-28 12:48:05 · answer #6 · answered by leyte6519 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Mind your business. If she believes that she has truly met someone special then I commend her on her decision to be faithful and wait for this guy.
Your concern doesn't sound altruistic. You only care "that our kids dont have to see mom get her heart broken again". You dont care about the kids seeing mom bring different men into their lives and how that wouLd affect them? Instead you care about her "broken heart". It sounds to me like you meddling where you should not.
Also, where do you get off "wanting her to keep her options open?" Does this mean keep as a potential suitor?
You sound like a control freak. And putting her down isn't a nice touch either.
2006-09-28 12:50:00 · answer #7 · answered by dionne m 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
nicely, i'm providing you with advice from what i might do. i might leave him and tell him to think of approximately what he rather needs. His relationship definetely desires to alter. He would be unable to have the two one among you and you're being disrespected. appears like she nonetheless has him wrapped round her finger and your being taken for a journey. After 5 years if he did not marry me by potential of now i could be out of there. fantastically considering the fact that he renigged on it. If she cried over that then there is a few thing definetely off there. i might rather like myself better than him and take an prolonged trip until eventually at last he pulls his head out of the orphace it rather is caught in. You sound thank you to wonderful to place up with the crap. What drama.
2016-10-15 07:57:55 · answer #8 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It would seem that you have your nose in odd places to me. Is part of her "bad decision making" you? Regardless, it is her life, she can wait if she wants to. At least you kids are not getting an endless train of men in and out of the house and their lives...be thankful for that. It would seem to me that you are trying to run her life....did you do that when you were married to her? You do not learn very fast, do you?
2006-09-28 12:42:19 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your concern is wonderful but let it go. She needs to be disappointed now and then and face the real world. Good luck to your children.
2006-09-28 12:41:35 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋