2006-09-28 12:29:45 · 12 answers · asked by ? 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You do not have to get counselling, but of course it is a good idea. Lots of kids go througjh divorce without it. However the definately need a program of sorts. In San Francisco there is a fantastic support program called "KIDS TURN". They have a very helpful website:
http://www.kidsturn.org/kids/main.htm
You may find referrals to similar programs near to wherever you are.
The best way to help kids is to follow the guidleines of how to handle them:
There are pointer on this site:
http://www.megilamediation.com
MOST OF ALL:
The most helpful is to be acutely aware of their emotional needs:
Generally unless there is abuse, children really need both parents. The parents should be cordial to each other and refrain from making any disparaging remarks about the other to or in front of the kids. If you talk badly about the other IT WILL impact your child's self esteem.
Remember you are both the only role models available to them. You need to encourage the relationship with both parents. Your or his anger and emotions toward each other should not be used against the children. Tell them that the divorce is not their fault...you cannot tell them this enough times, especially if they are really young.
Establish a good working and effective custody and parenting plan that can be turned into the court for the Judge to sign. Then stick to it.
Maintain routine and tell them you love them ALL the time,
GO INTO MEDIATION
do not have an adversarial dovorce.
Divorce does not have to be the defining trauma of their lives and HOW you divorce is what will set the stage for their well-being, more so than the divorce itself....
2006-09-28 12:42:33 · answer #1 · answered by meldorhan 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't help them get through it. It will wipe them out. Rarely do children of divorced parents reach their full potential. I know. My parents divorced when I was only eight.
At least try to keep the marriage together until the kids are grown. It's well worth the sacrifice.
Parents need to quit thinking that they owe it to themselves to be happy, even if it takes a divorce. Happiness is a choice and not determined by circumstances. You can choose to be happy, while you give your children a home with both parents. They deserve it. They didn't ask to be born.
2006-10-01 23:21:44 · answer #2 · answered by delmaanna67 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The kids needed all the support you could give them right now. Explain to them why your getting a divorce with their Dad. The children gets hurts the most in this situation. Sometimes they blame themselves too for the divorce. Pray that the kids will be alright. Your children is your number one priority right now. Their mental stability is very important for them to understand what the whole family is going thru. Make sure you let them know that it is not their fault. Give them a hug and let them know that they are still loved. Goodluck.
2006-09-28 19:39:37 · answer #3 · answered by leyte6519 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My parents divorced when I was thirteen and my mom talked to me about all the time. She never bad-mouthed my father or said anything insulting, but she talked to me about her marriage problems like I was one of her friends. I think she did it because she felt that being open about with me would help me deal with it better.
I now think that was wrong of her and I would urge anybody who is dealing with a divorce and kids to keep their kids out of it as much as possible. Give them honest, yet simple answers to their questions and never say anything bad or angry about their father. Don't try to be their counselor, as you can't possibly be objective. Call up their school and set up an appointment for your kids to talk to the counselor.
2006-09-28 20:29:26 · answer #4 · answered by carobygirl 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Comfort them. I'm only 13, my parents had a divorce, and my mom was there for me, letting me know why, and what happened. And so I don't make the same mistakes. I'm fine now. sure, I miss my dad, but I see him every weekend
2006-09-28 19:32:55 · answer #5 · answered by xoaligatoxo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling is a good thing for them to go to, this will help them to cope. And sit them down and be honest with them and tell them the it is not their fault, that some times two people just cannot live together, but we love you, and you are very important to us.
2006-09-28 19:40:34 · answer #6 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
They probably never really will get over it, but you can help by taking them to some counseling and listen when they want to talk about it.
2006-09-28 19:31:55 · answer #7 · answered by LadyL 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get them professional counseling - I didn't, big mistake - daughter gained a lot of weight and son turned to weed - it took ten years to undo.
2006-09-28 19:32:53 · answer #8 · answered by RT 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell that mommy and daddy are going their separate ways but that yous both love them and always be there for them GOOD LUCK
2006-09-28 19:43:35 · answer #9 · answered by ANNIE 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
by being there for them ,and keep telling them that you both love
them and the break up is not their fault,
as most kids believe it is their fault when the parents split up
2006-09-28 19:34:00 · answer #10 · answered by JAMES OY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋