my wife and i have been seperated for 5 months, we have been going out alot, and for a week we act like we are together, then a week we dont. She is moving into her own place alone. She has told me that she thinks she needs a year to fend for herself. she does want me to spend some nights.she doesnt know if she would rather be with me, or be happier alone. she knows that i am worried about some1 else, and told me that it boils down to me or alone. She aslo has said that she didnt know if things would workout in 5 years she just doesnt know. she has told me she loves me and always will but really never did have anyfreedom. We also have made future plans like taking dance lessons together or going on a trip in 4months, even as far as how to renew our vows IF things workout. We did turn in the divorce papers, but stoped them. Shehas changed her mind back and forth. is she confused,just really doesnt know,does she just want freedom for awhile then maybe work it out? together 8 1/2yr
2006-09-28 12:19:57 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we have made a big difference for 5 months ago. Do i give up? do i stop talking/spemding time with her so she knows what its like to be without me? can i show her i am the man of her dreams, and we can make OUR dreams come true?
2006-09-28 12:21:35 · update #1
i think she is really confused right now and needs time to think things through. give her some space but don't let her walk all over you either. you have feelings to. do not let her string you along.
2006-09-28 12:22:53 · answer #1 · answered by me2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She wants her "cake" and she "wants to eat it too"! So, how much "giving" are you prepared to give until she makes up her mind? If your content in "playing house" with her and being a part time husband, then ride out the storm. There will come a day, if this keeps going on like it has for the past 5 months, you are going to wake up, and you will of had your fill. Then you will know what to do. Sometimes it takes getting that far on hopes and prayers to realize its a dead situation, and all that is left, is you in the marriage. You sound like a great guy, so dedicated, and I love the fact that you aren't just throwing the towel in, but trying to save your life together. Good for you! But some time its OK to get what you want out of a relationship too. You deserve this, as much as she does, and don't ever forget this! She will realize how good she had it all along, when you finally walk out of her life, totally. Why is that? Because we always want, what we can't have.
2006-09-28 12:41:06 · answer #2 · answered by smplyme132 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If she wants some space and to try to fend for herself, you should try to respect that - or at least give it a shot. That doesn't mean you need to break off contact altogether with her, but you should seriously consider putting some sort of limit on the amount of time you spend together. If you can handle it, give her some time and space to figure out what she wants. She'll either realize that she doesn't want to be without you, or she'll realize that she's happier alone. Either way, she'll need to reach that decision on her own. If you force her into a decision, she may end up resenting that she didn't have the opportunity to make up her own mind. It's better for her to be on her own for a while and realize that it's probably not all she thought it would be.
2006-09-28 12:28:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like she wants to hold on to u just in case it doesn't work out for her alone. I know u want to give your marriage a second chance but just remember, it takes two to make a marriage work. If she doesn't share the same goals with u, I'm afraid u can't pull it off on your own. Obviously, it's up to u to decide how far u are going to let her use u as her beck and call and I suggest u set a time limit for yourself, as far as how long you're going to wait. U can't make her mind up for her. U only have control over your own.
2006-09-28 12:29:40 · answer #4 · answered by cheetah7 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let her decide on her own. You need to leave her alone. Don't act like you're together because you're not. If you have separated and are living apart then be apart. If she wants to be independent then she needs to be alone. Make the decision for her. If it's mean to be then she will get her head on straight and come back. The marriage WILL NOT last if she can't make up her mind. People do get divorced then re-married but it has to be BOTH of you who are ready.
2006-09-28 12:24:41 · answer #5 · answered by taz4x4512 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, that would confuse me too!
Jeez...by the sounds of things SHE doesn't have any idea what she really wants and I don't think she's gonna figure it out on her own. She needs some direction.
I know it sounds generic, but honestly, some good couples COUNSELING would be the best thing for the both of you, especially her, because it would at least help her figure out what in the world she WANTS.
This isn't at all fair to you and you can't keep hanging from her string forever...
2006-09-28 12:24:26 · answer #6 · answered by Peachy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Look... your wife reminds me of my current husband's ex live-in girlfriend. She "wasn't happy anymore" and told him she wanted to live alone for awhile, blah, blah, blah. This hurt him terribly but she kept him hanging on by telling him the same stuff your wife is telling you... maybe, maybe, maybe someday. One night she cancelled their movie plans at the last minute by leaving him a voice mail message on his phone. For whatever reason that was the last straw for him. So he decided to move on and asked me out on a date. We had a GREAT time!! He was the kindest, funniest, brightest guy I had ever met. We started dating seriously and lo and behold guess who decides she wants him back? The ol' ex. Couldn't do enough to win him back over again. Luckily he had seen the light and found out what it was like to be with someone who truly could be trusted and happy with him (that would be the wonderful and amazing ME, lol). I know you love her (or at least you think you do), but you deserve better. And better is out there somewhere looking for you. Go find her and hurry up! I wish my husband hadn't taken so long. He's the greatest guy in the entire world and I'd never do anything to hurt him. I'm PROUD to be married to this guy. And I'm guessing you're built of the same character.
2006-09-28 12:22:14 · answer #7 · answered by mJc 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So your wife wants her space, so what are you suppose to do, put your life on hold, What is going to happen, if by chance, that perfect lady comes along> are you going to tell her, I can't get involved right now because, I have to wait and see if my wife is going to take me back, I just wanted to show you how this looks. You need to find out what you want to do, because your feelings matter also, she does not hold all of the strings. so figure out what you want, and tell her!
2006-09-28 12:34:51 · answer #8 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She sounds like she needs some time alone so she can see how it feels. Set some time limits and then get on with your life. You need to be happy too.
2006-09-28 12:38:24 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like she wants to move on, but wants to have you there as a back stop incase things are too tough. In other words she wants her cake and to eat it too. I guess it is up to you if you want to put with this and have your wife as more of a part time girlfriend.
2006-09-28 12:23:44 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋