I've been on and off for different reasons with a man for the past few years.We are both in our thirties and we both have good jobs. Last year I decided that enough is enough and I moved out on my own. A month later I found out that I was pregnant and my entire world collapsed. I didn't want the baby and didn't want to go back but I wasn't able to take any decission at that point . We got married and few months later a wonderful lovely baby boy arrived and filled my life with happines, love and hope. Meanwhile the relationship between me and my baby father is non existent. My husband avoids doing any chores in the house, outside of the house and refuses to spend any time with me or our son. I gave him an ultimatum last week and asked him to rethink his attitude but seems I am talking to a wall.He wants to have a career and do nothing. My biggest worry is that my baby doesn't have a father figure , that we have no help from him and not the last I don't feel that I have a husband. Help!
2006-09-28 12:07:31 · 18 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
At no point in the above narrative did you ever mention any love for your husband, which I think is all the answer you need to this question.
Somewhere deep inside you I think you already know the answer to this. A loveless marriage is no place to be.
2006-09-28 12:12:35 · answer #1 · answered by a1mandrake 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Immediately file for divorce, without discussing it with him, and take him for everything he's worth. He needs a wake up call, and the time it takes for the divorce to become effective will give him more than enough time to prove his love. If he does, then you need not go through with it, but if he doesn't you will be well on your way to ending a dead relationship. Or, do you want to live like you are for the rest of your life, which will probably get even worse?
2006-09-28 12:17:06 · answer #2 · answered by eric l 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Personally I do not believe in divorce. So maybe you should try going to marriage counseling and see if that helps. He obviously has a problem with love. I'm sure he love you and your baby. Let him know how you feel and tell him that if things don't change he gonna have to leave or you will. Some times men learn lessons the hard way. Leave stay away for a while and let him realize what he has lost. They saying goes "if you love him, let him go, but if he comes back then it was meant to be". Try and see what happens. I wish you and your lil boy the best. Your in my prayers.
2006-09-28 12:19:40 · answer #3 · answered by grrrrme 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He doesn't sound like the kind of man I would want my son to have as a father figure. Think about it . Your son grows up thinking this is how dads act. Do you think your son will have a happy life when he grows up? Probably not. No woman will have him. Get out now and find a decent father for your son and a loving caring husband for you. That's the right example.
2006-09-28 12:13:18 · answer #4 · answered by joy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He's not a father figure obviously, he's a sperm donor. Any guy can "father" a child. But it takes a lot more to be a dad. My oldest son does not have a relationship with his "sperm donor" but his step dad is wonderful to him, and he's had good role models in his uncle and grandfather. So find ways to show your son good male role models and don't be afraid he will not "turn out" ok without his "father" in his life. He's better off without him than being treated by crap by someone that wants nothing to do with him.
2006-09-28 12:17:26 · answer #5 · answered by Cat 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go with your guts sweetie. But do not stay in it just for your baby. What kind of father figure is he now? If you had doubts before and he has not squelched them, then chances are your doubt were right. He doesn't seem to care about either of you. Obviously the ultimatum didn't help much, so follow through!!! Stand your ground, let him know you're serious.
I'm sorry things are bad. I wish they were better for you. But only you can make them better!!
Best of luck and God bless!!!
2006-09-28 12:22:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
There are plenty of men out there that would make good father figures for your son, let your husband talk to the wall after u kick him out and you can get help as that is why there is child support.
2006-09-28 12:21:54 · answer #7 · answered by puppydog 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOU GOT MARRIED BECAUSE YOU GOT PREGNANT?
BAD MOVE.
EXPECTING AN UNBORN CHILD TO SAVE A FAILING RELATIONSHIP IS WAAAAAAAAY TOO MUCH RESPONSIBILITY TO PUT ON A CHILD.
YOU KNEW WHAT THIS GUY WAS LIKE BEFORE YOU MARRIED HIM. DUH. DID YOU THINK YOU COULD CHANGE THAT? SQUEEZE HIM INTO THE COOKIE-CUTTER IDEAL MATE?
I WOULD NOT WANT TO RAISE A CHILD WITH A MAN LIKE HIM. A BROKEN HOME IS MUCH BETTER FOR A CHILD THAN A MISERABLE ONE.
FILE FOR DIVORCE, COLLECT ALIMONY AND CHILD SUPPORT. IMPROVE YOUR LIFE WITHOUT HIM IN IT.
PUT YOUR CHILDS' NEEDS BEFORE YOUR OWN SELFISH INSECURITIES OR FEAR OF ABANDONMENT.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT CO0DEPENDENCY MEANS? READ "CO-DEPENDANT NO MORE". IT TEACHES YOU HOW TO GROW A BACKBONE, MAKE DECISIONS IN YOUR OWN INTEREST, RESPECT YOURSELF, AND COMMAND RESPECT. IT TEACHES YOU HOW TO AVOID TOXIC PEOPLE (LIKE THE ONE YOU ARE ADDICTED TO).
DON'T WAIT-AND-STAY. YOU ARE HURTING YOUR CHILD.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR HOUSE WERE ON FIRE? WAIT TO LEAVE UNTIL YOU KNEW HOW IT STARTED? WELL, YOUR FAMILY IS ON FIRE. SAVE YOURSELF AND YOUR CHIILD!!!!!!
2006-09-28 12:53:50 · answer #8 · answered by pandora the cat 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
U would desire to speak to him, not yahoo ppl for starters. additionally u would desire to nonetheless have a dating along with his daughter without or with him. Does he understand u sense that way? if so, corrective action desires taken and that would desire to fall squarly on your shoulders. additionally there isn't something incorrect with looking after his daughter extra desirable than him. possibly ur extra compassionate and being concerned than him it is everyday between men and girls human beings. i'm not saying he shouldn't look after his daughter, yet she desires somebody and it seems u. the place is here genuine mom? finally i don't think of u would desire to ever stay married because of infants. they are going to strengthen up and notice the place the matters have been and that they'd come to there own conclusions.
2016-10-18 03:59:30 · answer #9 · answered by Erika 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you know people are so quick to look for the easy way out of everything I don't believe in the divorce communication is the key
to everything,ask yourself these questions
1.was i in-love with him when we married
2.why did I marry him
3.does he truly love me
4.do i truly love him
5.why did he marry me
and most of all figure out if you are just looking for a way out and finding all fault with him ,you have to be realistic here everything you wrote that you do not like about him goes on daily in married
lives you have said nothing significant about his behavior
you did not say he beats you cheats on you doesn't support you
sounds like you have a fairy tale in your head and now that it is not playing out that way you want to jump ship
I think you need to talk to some real women who have weathered the storm called marriage and find out if you are being unrealistic
2006-09-28 13:15:03 · answer #10 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋