what do you think of my poem?

Question

Pretending life is kind to us,
We God's innocent offspring,
Pretending we have futere,
We can pretend anything.

Pretending others love me,
And I won't be used by him,
Pretending all that's good in life,
Is not what we breath in.

Pretending when men die each night,
That we are not to blame,
Pretending we are spreading joy,
And not our filthy veins.

Pretending it's our beauty,
That makes people passing stare,
Pretending we're not dying,
Pretending someone cares.

Answer 1

A little bleak, but interesting! A good poem. Remember poems don't even have to rhyme (I see it more as a song. I write poetry & my poems never rhyme. I also write songs & they always rhyme. Songs are meant to be more accessible, catchier than a poem on a page). Take your idea or emotion & think of a new way to describe it. Using vivid imagery. Keep writing. The more you write, the better you become. & read lots of poetry. Once you're exposed to many other voices, you begin to find your own. Sounds like you have the angst to be a poet! Keep at it!

Answer 2

Why pretend? Your poem is misleading

Answer 3

and pretending you are freddie mercury? i've read your stuff before - find a new topic. boring.

Answer 4

that's beautiful. It's simple yet elegant. You are very talented.

Do you have a title?

Answer 5

dont quit your day job

Answer 6

Who sh*t in your cornflakes?