my so called best friend and her boyfriend fight all the time. i am really close to both of them but i have known her for over 3 years. her boyfriend and i are really good friends but they always fight. i try to help them but it doesnt seem to work because i tell her boyfriend somthing and she gets mad about it. she is really controling and gets mad when he talks to other girls.. am i being a bad friend or is she? i think i am only trying to help out two of my closest friends.
2006-09-28 11:29:49 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
It is better you let them live out their relationship. You need to be there as a friend but these "I told you so's", "you need out", etc comments only hurt your and your friends relationship in the long run. They will get tired of you trying to tell them to leave or break up. Ive been in your position. You cannot tell someone how to feel or what to do when it comes to relationships. Apparently they are both stubborn and think they love each other and is the reason they are still trying to stick to the relationship.
Just be there when they need to talk. Try not to take sides or give advise in this situation. Once the relationship is over they will need you more than ever!
2006-09-28 11:34:09 · answer #1 · answered by Keith Perry 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No doubt you mean well but are you sure that in your zeal you are not being rather dictatorial. After all it is a relation between the two of them and it is only those two who can see it across the river. You can only give directions fromthe bank.This giving directions is all right but perhaps there are may e something in the river, say some whirls, some sharks etc which are not apparet to you from such a distance. Let the two handle them. If you insist on quoting from the book they may be distracted from their immediate here and now danger and may come to grief. So leave them on their own. Remember you can only take a horse to water. You cannot force it to drink. Your well meaning actions are likely to be prejudiced. You say that somethings you told the boy about your friend which she never wanted to come out at lealst not to him has embaressed her.If that is the way she feels leave her alone.If she does not approve of his talking to other girls it may have its own logic and it is she who knows the argument.Perhsps she may be feeling insecure in the relationship because of it. This may be foolish but ,as in a democracy(It literlly means 'rule of the fools)every citizen has the liberty to be foolish but you see by and large the ship of democracy sails smoothely. A rock here and a rock there does not matter. So let them enjoy their democratic discretion. But always stand by them.
2006-09-28 18:45:04 · answer #2 · answered by Prabhakar G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
YOU may be good friends but girl have this thing about when their man goes to any woman about their proplems. that maybe their not only helping be getting more and I don't mean sex. I mean that you are getting what she want that for some reason he is unable at this time able to give to her. So that makes you a bad person in her eyes right now. even if you're. The mind like to play games with you when you think your losing something. so the best thing to do is just step back and say I am both of your friend and I can't be in you fights anymore. Our friendship means to much to me to lose it beause of you guys fighting
2006-09-28 18:43:00 · answer #3 · answered by lostsoul 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know it hurts to see two of your friends fighting, but the best thing you can do will be to keep out of it. Your friend is being unreasonable when she gets mad when he talks to other girls; I have a friend whose girlfriend is a bit like this!
You could try talking to your friend, and tell her not to get so disheartened and suspicious when her boyfriend talks to other women. He has a right to a social life, too. Ask her what she thinks she would do if the boot was on the other foot, i.e. she went talking to male friends and he got jealous.
Let them work out their own problems, and if it doesn't work out, so be it. You can still remain friends with them both.
2006-09-28 18:37:36 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tough question. I guess best thing to do is try to stay bias on any subject that includes the both of them. I know they are both your friends, however its obvious they are having some difficulty. I think it might be a good idea to just steer clear of any talking to one about the other one and any problems they may bring up to you. Just tell them both that they are putting you in the middle and you dont want to be in the middle. Tell them that if they have problems they either need to talk to each other or someone besides you. You love them both, but they may be trying to get you on "their side" sorta. Neither one of you are a bad friend. She has some issues with jealousy that is honestly not very healthy if she gets angry if he even talks to other girls. In the mature adult world you have to be able to have a conversation with both sexes. So, just try to be bias during their moments of struggle. Sooner or later, they will either work out their problems on their own or part ways. Good luck to you.
2006-09-28 18:37:32 · answer #5 · answered by Peanut Butter 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not being a bad friend but you should stay out of there business its not good for a relationship to always have a third wheel but if you really want to help stay out of the way if they wantto break up than its there decision just dont bother with it it will pass its not like they are married or anything just know your not the one in the relationship
2006-09-28 18:32:44 · answer #6 · answered by Princess 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me stay out of it,I had a situation like that once often time they both end up mad at me and then next day they are back together and i am left looking like a fool. You may give support in terms of listening but limit your recomendations. and dont ever ever bring information from one to the other I know your just helping but they tell each other and it bites you in the butt
2006-09-28 18:38:03 · answer #7 · answered by tawwy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well it seems like you are just trying to help but i think you should tell them you are out of it and you are both my friends so you dont want to get in bettween so when they fight just leave and when they start to talk about it lison just dont give them advice just say wht do you think and they will figure it out there self and you cant be acused of anything but being a friend and dont talk sides please dont take side then you will lose someone and that will be your fault but if you stand back and be both of there friends then its on them k good luck and have fun
2006-09-28 18:36:51 · answer #8 · answered by lovecomingout2u 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ur the instigatorator and I'd tell them that you are not their friend. They should stay away from you because you are the one stirring the pot for drama.
You're an idiot if you really think you are helping anyone else but yourself. If you're so bored with your life that you have to cause drama between them, then you need to do something a bit more positive about it. Find something to do besides being a ******.
2006-09-28 18:31:32 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
OMGGGGGGGG! I was in your exact position. I told her that I didn't want to help her anymore because she wasn't taking into consideration my advice. Then soon after, she broke up with him for GOOD. And she kinda realizes now that she should have taken my advice. So just ignore it even though you wanna help. Really, it's none of your business, and tell her Im not helping you out unless you do something about it.
2006-09-28 18:33:05 · answer #10 · answered by xportuguesax 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋