How long should I wait for her to forgive me for my affair?

Question

She's not moving forward, I've given everything I can. I feel that she will never love me again. What is the norm?

Answer 1

There is no norm. You have to wait until she is ready, no matter how long it takes. The hurt you have given her will take time. She needs to know deep in her heart that you are sorry and that it won't happen again. Just telling her that a million times won't do it. It's her call, not yours. Accept your punishment no matter how long it takes her. She will love you still, but she has to get over the pain you caused, and she will never, ever forget that. It will take her a long time to trust you again.

Answer 2

The physical act of infidelity is not necessarily the most damaging element. An extra-marital affair is almost always conducted in secrecy. This secrecy, particularly once it i discovered, undermines an otherwise healthy marriage. The idea of trust, openness, sharin and the belief that you belong to something all will unquestionably be damaged. At this point, you needs to own up to things and wife needs to be able to express what is are going through openly. Then the issue that led to the affair can be addressed and both parties need to take responsibility for the problems and how they will be fixed. Yes, marriage can survive infidelity and a happy marriage can be restored with patience, sincerit and effort. Some of the hurdles that will arise are the victim’s inability to get over the deception, the adulterer’s inability to realize what they have done and how wrong it is or general inability to address and fix the underlying problems

Answer 3

Most experts feel that 18 to 24 months is a minimum for the betrayed spouse to regain some trust. As for forgiving you, that depends on how hard you work at rebuilding the trust.

First thing is no contact with the other woman. Second thing is location (including cell phone) transparency. If you are going somewhere let her know where and for how long. Let her have access to detailed cell phone billing, voice mail and email passwords, ect.

When she accepts that you have nothing to hide, she will begin to trust again. Never expect the blind trust you used to enjoy, it won't happen.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I tried understanding but after 8 years with no moment I filed for divorce. What help me decide to move on was doing a time line of the marriage and discovered that the affair was the tip of a dysfunctional marriage. She really needs professional help but refuses to get it. Not saying my actions were any better but I have moved on and is happier living my life without the baggage of her issues.

Answer 6

There is no such thing as a set time. U can't just force her to get over it. U have to give her as much time as she needs until she's ready to forgive u. When trust is broken, it's going to take a very long time for the betrayed to learn to trust u again. How long that takes depends on the person. And if you're not doing anything to help her earn that trust back, it's going to take even longer. So, give her as much time as she needs. U owe her at least that much.

Answer 7

I can tell you how long you will have to wait....UNTIL. Until she can trust you again. Until she feels you are being honest. Until she doesnt have to think about what you said to this other woman. Until she forgets all the lies you told. Until she feels like a woman again. Until she feels that you love her. If you have truly given all you can then get out and let her move on with her life. But if you want to make your relationship work then you will have to wait UNTIL.

Answer 8

There is no norm. She may never forgive you. But you took that chance when you cheated on her. She is hurting. She needs time to heal. I am a good one to talk because my husband cheated on me according to my belief systems (meaning not everyone would consider what he did cheating but I did) . It only took me a week but I couldn't look at him the same way, touch him, or be intimate with him. Think of it this way , if you just ignore a wound it gets ugly and infected. If you take care of it and clean it, it heals. If you just want her to brush it under the carpet, forget that. It will get oozy and *****. Forgive my analogy. But she needs time to be angry, hurt, disappointed, and hostile. Maybe after that she MIGHT forgive you, but there is no guarantee.

Answer 9

Are you still together? If she is still with you then she obviously still loves you. It may take her a long time,she has lost her trust in you. Be patient with her, earn her trust back. Give her as long as it takes. Imagine if she would have done the same thing to you. It's painful. Good luck and pray. The Lord can heal any one, even a broken relationship.

Answer 10

rossi,

for the rest of your life you should wait. im not saying this in judgmentaly forms but i am saying when you hurt a woman like this that you reap what you sow. and youll have to live with it till she is ready to move on..... it sucks but the fact that life is very unforgiving. if you killed somone you wouldnt expect the family to forgive you or if you robbed a bank you cant expect the bank to extend you credit. same with a womans heart you cant expect her to ever trust you or to get over it. for you now its time to live like a husband should, always be accountable for your bad decision. and accept what she is feeling is becuase of you and no matter what she decides whether its to finalize your marriage or to live with the pain that you cuased it.... its not a fix all answer just a mere attempt to help you achieve resolve and peace.... yes you messed up and now its all up to her and nothing you can do but learn from the error. and accept her decision... i wish you all the luck and prayers. good or bad learn from it....