What would you do if you heard your spouse say this?

Question

I heard my husband tell his friends that when he gets good profit from his business he would get me out of his life.All because I did not lend him £30

I am usually not bothered about lending him money.Its just that I genuinely did not have money after sorting my monthly expenditure.
He also criticizes me a lot about my job.I take care of adults with learning disabilities and challenging behavior.The pay is not brilliant but if I can afford to lend him over £1200 in the past 3 months I would say that I am not doing to bad.He earns 3 times more money than me.About £3600 a month.
In the past I have heard him talk about a certain female who can give him "the stability" he needs.They still are in a relationship but how deep a relationship I do not know

Answer 1

He was just making a joke..a lot of couples say things like that..you should learn to lighten up.

Answer 2

Just be on your guard. I like the suggestion of waiting until he gets his business going and then file for divorce, or let him do it, then you look like the victim. In the meantime prepare yourself. Find out who the best attorney in town is and find out how much his retainer is and start saving- open a checking account that your hubby doesn't know about and put the money there. Also save up for living expenses, so that when you only have one income you can survive. Pay off any bills and any credit cards that you have, so that you are not stapped with all of that after the divorce.

Now if it happens that you misunderstood what he said (unlikely, but maybe) then you can tell him that you have been putting money away for a vacation. He does not need to know what you were planning.

If you were married, why would you loan him money anyway? Don't you operate on the same funds, like most normal married people do? If that is the case, then it was not a loan.

But anyone, if he is so shallow, that he would dump you over $30 then you will be better off.

I would just say, start planning now. Do research on laws consult attorneys,and have a plan of attack when he is ready.

Answer 3

Ask him if you can borrow £30. When he says no, threaten to "get him out of your life." See if he likes a taste of his own medicine. :-)

Seriously, though, it sounds as though your husband is a poor financial manager. If he makes more money, why should he need to borrow money from you? Where is his money going? You need to take more control over the finances so that this doesn't happen again.

I agree with most of the people on this board. Confront him. Use his responses to guide any additional actions. Preparing for a divorce may be necessary. Marriage counselling may be necessary. Financial counselling may be necessary. Above all, make sure to arrange matters so that his actions (financial or otherwise) cannot completely destroy your life.

Also note that, if the £1200 loan you mentioned had anything to do with his business, you are an investor and therefore entitled to part of his profit.

Answer 4

You really need to sort this out once and for all. Do you love him? If so, and if he loves you, then this other woman has no place in your lives. A marriage is a committment between 2 people, not 3. Write him a letter explaining how you feel, say you would like to make this work and you think you need to go to counselling (you really do.) Leave the money issue to one side for a while, you have to start building your marriage back up, then tackle the money problem. Hopefully once you are on track together again, it won't be such a big issue after all.

Answer 5

I'm sorry to say this sweetie but is sounds like your man is gearing up to give you the big heave ho. Your husband could be stringing you along until the time is right for him to leave.
You have to confront him now and ask him what his intentions are about for you and him in the future. Wait until you hear what he says first and if it doesn't marry up to what you have heard him say, then confront him and tell him what you heard. See what his reaction is then. I can only pray that he will be totally honest with you and say how he feels if he actually is thinking of leaving you at some point in the future. Both of you have to decide if the marriage is worth saving or to go your separate ways. No point in being in a loveless marriage or an abusive relationship if this is the case. Only you deep inside will know yourself what to do and more importantly, do whats best for you.

Answer 6

ur partner sounds "alot" like my ex husband ... a control freak who see's him self as so hard done by that he lets the world know that ur not the wife "he thinks" u should be leaving u feeling like a piece of worthless crap, dont doubt urself hun and dont let him run u into the ground with mind games, deep down u know he's wrong and can do better, good luck hun hope u work it out. ( oh and doesnt it show u, if he can say that about £30 he can say it about anything ? take care, (should also tell u after i got shot of him i found a great man some time later who knows i wouldnt take it again, not that he would lol

Answer 7

That would be one of the most offensive things anyone could say. Its like he is keeping you around until he gets this money so he knows he wont need you anymore. He could also be using you as a backup just in case he doesn't get his money. People with money can sometimes treat others like they don't matter because they think that money can buy love. I'd confront him or leave him. You deserve way better than that.

Answer 8

ok that sounds harsh, did you hear the conversation out of context or was it said in a jokey way, i think men talk like this alot and think they are funny or the big man infront of friends, my boss is always making remarks about his wife, "like when i win the lottery ill get rid off her get myself a hot 21 yr old" and things like that, i know he does not mean half of what he says and finds it amusing. i however find him ignorant and disrespectfull. Of course your angry by a remark like this but if you normally just let things go then take it as a joke (a bad one at that) and try and forget about it, he may have just been annoyed about (the 30 quid) incident and was just reacting in a angry nasty way because he felt small having to ask for and being denied the money, so he was trying to big himself up to his friends and didnt actually mean it., But if you really feel deep down that he was speaking the truth then you have to try confronting him about it and maybe make a very hard decision and leave before he decides hes doing well enough at work to get rid of you. ultimately its down to you to decide how much that remark affected you and make a decision. goodluck

Answer 9

sounds like to me he's only happy with you as long as you are getting his business off and running and once he gets his business off and running you didn't stay by him good enough so you are gone in his eyes. He probably doesn't think you supported him enough while he wanted to use you. Very disapointing to hear i am sure i'd confront him big time. I'd like to add that you need to keep money hid and keep on top of this. Now that i see you've added he's still friends with HER well that puts things in different light. I think he is looking for an excuse to be rid of you and for an excuse that it didn't work out between the two of you.. talk to him nad lay everything on the table don't be scared to piss him off as if it does than its already worth being over.

Answer 10

I would confront him and ask him outright what he meant by that comment. You need to make it very clear when you ask him you repeat ever word he said word for word that you heard and ask for an explanation.
Just for the record his business is also yours and without what you do in the background he would not be able to run his business the way he does.
To be like this over £30 seems over the top is there something else you are not saying?

Answer 11

ummm... why is he borrowing off you anyway when he's making that much more than you???seems to me like hes the type that wants his cake AND the cream on the top... and i hate to say this to you but if you've lent him that much money in the past 3 month when he's making as much as he is the question i would be asking is 'where is all HIS money going' ... you do realise you wont be getting a penny of it back dont you. also if my husband was in a relationship with someone else he wouldnt be getting a penny from me.typical... hes bleeding you dry while he gets his business up and running then when it starts paying out he'l be off like a shot... wake up please!!!