What is love and is domestic violence a way of showing love for your partner?

Question

This is a general question as I am curious as to how fathers can beat up the mother for years, purport to love the children and think that this is normal behaviour. The police see family matters as something entirely different to violence between strangers. Surely, violence is violence and those who beat up another person should be sent to prison.

Answer 1

.Domestic violence isnt about love, but about power and bullying over another person.
The person who does the beating has low self esteem and feels the need to suppress the other person who they fear will ultimately leave them in the end.

The police DO NOT treat domestic violence differently. In fact, it is took very seriously. The tide is changing. In the UK, the police actually have a duty to make a 72hr turn around on domestic violence crime reports. The problem the police face is that often the victim will withdraw the complaint, refuse to go to court and go back to their abusive partner.

Answer 2

Love is defined as an unconditional favor and devotion to the well being of someone. So it follows that you are compelled to protect and stay with your family to keep it intact even if you suffer a lot of pain and suffering in the process. But how far can you go?Domestic violence do happen and this is the reality of it all:

1.The victim usually genuinely loves the abusing partner and only wants law enforcement to break up the fight, not haul the partner away.
2.The victim may fear retaliation.
3.The victim worries that if the partner is taken away, how will she feed the children while the bread-winner's in jail.
4.The victim was psychologically programmed to believe she is at fault.
5.An abuser desires to manipulate, control, and dominate.
6.Not only are children witnesses, they often become victims.

As what one author says, "Before a father could show his love to his children, he must first love the mother of his children". Oftentimes, we set boundaries to ourselves not to interfere with family problems but we do have the right to interfere and report the abuser just so to protect the children and the mother. They need not worry because there are a lot of shelter where they could go if in case the mother needs protection and support for the children. My heart goes out to those kids because my mother was a victim of domestic violence but we are glad we were able to get passed that..

Answer 3

Almost all who thrash their "loved ones" grew up in abusive homes; either they were thrashed, or they watched a parent thrash the other parent.

That's why it "seems normal" to them.

There are ways in which domestic violence DOES differ from violence toward strangers (which doesn't mean that it doesn't need to be stopped, just that it's different). It's causes are different; victims are much more likely to press charges; it tends to be once, not continuing and escalating.

The police have improved a lot in their response to domestic violence, though they had to be forced to do so.

The problem with prison is that rarely does it stop the abuser from being abusive. There aren't enough programs in prisons to turn them around (and the conditions and violence of prisons tend to make people even more brutal, not less).

This is why some judges choose to send abusers into counseling and therapy and such.

Abusers can learn to stop.

Answer 4

Domestic violence is about power and control, not love.

The police find cases of domestic violence difficult to prosecute because the women are usually too intimidated to follow through with a trial. However I think things are changing and most police stations should have a dept to deal with this type of case.

I totally agree that all violence is wrong and the offender needs to be punished.

Answer 5

i completely agree with you. I think that the reason that it is treated differently by the police is that most victims are 2 afraid of the consequences of pressing charges, therefore not many prosecutions are made. I the mans eyes it is a way of showing love to there partner because in there mind they don't know any different, alot of men that commit domestic violence have often been subject to it in childhood, ie watching their fathers hit their mothers, therefore they use this as a way of condoning their behaviour. Some victims of abuse see it as some contact is better then none and therefore think that if they put up with it it will get better. So in some peoples eyes they see domestic violence as a form of love.

In my opinion love is when u would do anything for someone, i feel that you can love a person in 2 ways, you can love somebody without actually being in love with them, in other words you think alot of them and care about them. The other way is to love someone unconditionally, which i interpret to mean that you would support this persons decisions no matter wot the consequences are and you would basically go to the ends of the earth for this person in order to please them and make them happy.

Answer 6

I agree with your view entirely. domestic violence can be viewed as a way of excercising control over a partner. One definition of love is the desire to fasciliate the loved ones personal growth and happiness (even if it means they move on to a life without you). arguably this is hard to achieve for most people but their it is. Therefore domestic violence, jealousy or other forms of controling behaviour within a relationship are the exact opporsite of love and can never be a true expression of it.
Why do people put up with it? Maybe becuase they have not experienced positive, nurturing relatioships and this is what they expect?

Answer 7

Domestic violence is an example of control. Some men, and some women, want to control the other person in the relationship. Yes, domestic violence should be punishable by imprisonment

Answer 8

I think you sorta answered your own question. I couldn't agree more with you. I hate the fact that beating up someone you live with and have children with seems to be considered a lesser form of violence. Even the penalties are different. The law is an ***! I think in most cases the violence stems from childhood and children who are starved of positive attention start acting out in a negative way to get any form of attention. This becomes a substitute for affection from parents and is then taken into adulthood.

Very interesting question... Thanks for asking it.

Answer 9

Domestic violence is a cancer that stems from men that are dinosaurs and still think we should be barefoot and pregnant. Most have difficulty controlling their anger. Domestic violence has different forms, but its goal is always the same: control through fear. Batterers abuse their spouse physically, sexually, psychologically and economically. Children also live what they learn, if a child watches his mother beaten he grows up doing the same thing. Generations of dysfuncation.

Answer 10

Surely to be in love you both adore each other and would do anything for the other to make their life as happy as possible. People who hit there parners should have the book thrown at them MORE than violence between strangers because they have breached a boundry of trust! I understand that this is a general question......but if You are in a relationship like this then get out as quick as possible! It's not about love it's about power and unfortunately these people are usually undermind in other areas of life so they take it out on their 'so called' loved ones to re-dress the balance.