I'd simply like to take my clothes off and be nude in her presence, in order that she can become accustomed to me naked again, and thus not feel anxious about this. I'm not demanding penetrative sex or even oral. She has suffered very badly with anxiety, and I have supported her throughout - even to the extent of being celibate for 5 years.
I am, however, getting to the end of my tether. Im 49, and the wife is 44. Can anyone help me out. Porn does not help, and, as I love my wife, seeking a mistress is not a possibility.
I've suggested we go to Relate, to get her some counselling, but this, like all my other attempts to get some sort of response, is stonewalled.
2006-09-28 09:47:52 · 23 answers · asked by ? 6 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
foghorn,
you are very admirable, you convictions to your wife are very much appluaded by alot of people, im sure you have a list of things in which you have tried, so even trying to suggest somthing would probably be met your already trying. you suggested coounseling but it wall stonewalled. i would then suggest you set the date for a counseling session let her know how much it means to you, and when its time to leave for the appoinment, go more then likely she wont go with you, but you still need to go. fog... your not the only one in your shoes at this point and its safe to say the counselors have heard of this before and can counsel with just you and share ways for you to coax her into coming with you or ways to help .... i wish you much luck
2006-09-28 10:07:08 · answer #1 · answered by joe 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You truly love this woman...........
To be celibate for 5 years is just incredible and prooves how much you love and care for her!!
Sounds like you have tried every thing and the very fact that you have asked for help means you are finding it very difficult to carry on with this relationship.
Why is she anxious?? What has happened to her?
You seemed to have taken steps to help the marriage but has she? Why won't she seek help?
There are so many questions here that are unanswered.
What country are you from?
Answer the questions I have asked and see if you can work out an answer.
I feel I am not totally being told the whole story here.
2006-09-28 09:59:16 · answer #2 · answered by slipper 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that your wife has has something very traumatic happen in her life that is causing all of her anxiety. Has she sought counseling? If she hasn't, she really needs to. It's amazing that you've been so patient for so long. If she isn't willing to seek out some sort of help, then you are going to have to make a tough decision. Do you want to have a marriage on these terms for the rest of your life? If so, then you have to do your best to accomodate her. If not, then try a seperation and see where things go from there.
2006-09-28 09:55:14 · answer #3 · answered by mandyriffic24 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Women rarely understand how important sex is to a man. If she won't hear it from you, and it's doubtful that she will start now if she hasn't done for all these years, then you need to get a 3rd party involved. Try finding a book or leaflet on the subject and leave it lying about, or give it to her. In the end, if she really won't do anything, you have to make your choice, to stay with her without sex or move on. I personally believe marriage is for life but then I'm not you. You may need educating in what makes a woman want to have sex, as for us it starts in the brain and visual stimulation doesn't do it for us.
2006-09-28 23:20:39 · answer #4 · answered by good tree 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well 1st congrats on the weight loss. My wife, & I are also losing weight together. I have dropped from 245 down to 198, & am working on reaching my ideal weight of 155, & we are in the same age bracket as you are too. So I can really appreciate the great feeling of satisfaction you must have in regaining control over your weight. Our sex life doesn't seem to be threatned. As a matter of fact I think it's getting better. Funny thing about women & men & losing weight. My wife seems to be struggling more with the weight loss than I am. It takes her longer to lose the same amount of weight as I do, & she gets discouraged from that. I tell her that she doesn't need to take off as much as me, but she still gets upset when I lose 45lbs, & she has only lost 20. She is more active now, & is fitting into clothes that were once too tight, but she still doesn't see the rewards in that as much as I do. The psycology involved in these times may play a bigger role than we might care to admit. I can only speculate, but I wonder if your wife is somehow feeling threatned by your new-found attractiveness, & sex drive. She may not have quite caught up to you in her level of self-esteem as yet, & I venture to guess that standing on the sidelines watching you get all the attention from other women isn't helping. Especially if her scorecard doesn't show as many hits. Take her shopping for a sexy outfit, or if she's ready for it, a sexy swimsuit, & really heap on the compliments when you see her in whatever she buys. Then follow up with a date, & a hot weekend get-away. She needs some extra male attention showered on her, & you're the best guy for the job.
2016-03-26 21:44:16 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try "accidentally" walking in on her while taking a bath or shower. Tell her, I'm sorry, but also linger for amount, scanning her body with your eyes, and then say, I'm sorry for barging. Just admiring your beautiful ____.
Or when she is changing her clothes, etc. and parts of her body are exposed. Just touch or let your hand linger for a moment and say how beautiful it is...do this especially with non-sexual parts like her tummy or the nape of her neck. Do it once a day or once every other day - gradually, she'll get used to the idea and she'll get used to the attention she gets.
2006-09-28 09:52:54 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
I have anxiety disorder and I feel her pain. But 5 years is extreme. The thing with anxiety is: if it interferes in a normal lifestyle then you must get help with it.
There is medicine she can take to relive her anxiety, and counseling will help. This can not go on.
2006-09-28 09:51:15 · answer #7 · answered by sjbchapman 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Why is she having sexual anxiety? You should start there. She should really seek counseling, i know she refuses but keep trying. She needs to understand how it affecting you and try to do something about it.
2006-09-28 09:52:48 · answer #8 · answered by paganmom 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This lady needs medical help..you sound like a very nice man..you really love this lady..handle her gently and encourage her to get help..life is to short to waste time being unhappy
2006-09-28 09:54:49 · answer #9 · answered by troubled 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Man, she really needs you right now and her health must come first. I'm sure if you back off she will feel even better. I'm not being funny but spend a little time " doing it yourself " it will help you and the best thing to remember " for better for worse "....good luck m8 and health to your wife.....
2006-09-28 09:53:41 · answer #10 · answered by pat.rob00 Chef U.K. 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋