Ok, I had planned for use to have a wedding this coming April, but now he says that I am rushing him. He still wants to get married and loves me very much. I just dont understand. We have been living together for 2 years now and have a 8 month old baby girl. We are very happy woth one another. I dont want to wait another year to get married. What could I say or do to help speed up the process with out it seeming rushed?
2006-09-28 09:27:48 · 17 answers · asked by Beautiful Disaster 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Let's see...he's had 17 months to think about it since he got you pregnant, and he's still complaining that you're rushing him! He is going to have to be "rushed" or he'll still be thinking about it when you have a child in high school!
You should have gotten married before you had a child. Correct the situation ASAP. If after all this time he'd rather split, so be it, but don't let him live with you without committment any longer.
2006-09-28 09:54:11 · answer #1 · answered by Maple 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him that you need to be married for this to work for you. that it may be fine with him to shack up for the rest of his life but not for you. tell him in no uncertain terms that you always dreamed of being married, that you feel that he is the only man for you, so it follows that the two of you would get married, especially since he even asked and that you two are engaged.
say to him, if you don't want to get married then we may as well straighten things out now so you can start another life with someone who isn't afraid to settle down.
it's not fair for him to keep stringing you along. let him know that he has a choice. We're getting married or one of us is moving out. Why in the heck is he even still living there with you if he doesn't want to be with you. Start looking into apartments, begin saving some money on the side and let him know. If he sees that you are serious he may actually come around.
I can't believe he'd put you through this kind of stuff if you have a child together. He's missing the point. You need to feel loved and be happy, if you're not, then why should he get to be. Make him squirm!!!! Don't let him keep putting it off. Stick to the plan and perhaps by then he'll have grown up some more.
Good Luck and Best Wishes:)
2006-09-28 09:30:37 · answer #2 · answered by rooster2381 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It seems like you did everthing backwards. Lived together and had a baby before marriage, rather than after-- which seems like rushing it to me. I don't see why he would want to get married-- he more or less has a "wife" as it is, and was never made to step up to the plate before getting the "goodies." I don't know what you could say because I'm not sure what the incentive is. I think I'd have my father talk to him about being a man and taking responsibility for his actions.
What's he against? The wedding or the marriage?
2006-09-28 09:36:16 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
ashley,
dont take your mans fear of marriage as a doom and gloom just yet, obviousley you two are married already (living as husband and wife is marriage) i would continue with the planns you have made and inform him he has every right as you to back out at any time. but you need to be committed that if he doesnt get married to you at the set date in april that you two will seek other living arrangments, this doesnt mean a break up it just means after that point you will no longer " give away the milk" im not sure of your age but it would really stink to be in a relationship that is stuck in nuetral. what will you have in five years ? the same ole same ? giving him the option of marring you on this date or moving on, puts the ball in his hands and lets him make the choice..... it isnt rushing him, he can choose or not, either way you have to have a resolve. for you and the baby.... good luck
2006-09-28 09:53:13 · answer #4 · answered by joe 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
From your description, it seems like he is happy the way things are. There is also that "factor" when a couple gets married, everything changes. What he fears, probably, is those changes are going to be the worst for him. However, there is a child involved, and that requires greater responsibility. In my opinion, for what it is worth, if no children were involved, live together. When a child is involved, there should be some stable commitment in the relationship (marriage) for the childs well being.
2006-09-28 10:00:52 · answer #5 · answered by acedelux 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Planning a wedding in 7 months is "rushing" him? How much time *does* he need? Ask him what date he would prefer, pick one half way between your date and his, and stick to it. After 2 years and 1 kid, you guys should be married already. You're NOT rushing; he's getting cold feet.
2006-09-28 09:35:09 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Maybe say the same thing to him that you just said here.... your ready and that you don't understand why he's not. You two are already living the life of married couples, why can't he make that final commitment? I would put all your feeling out on the table for him. Doesn't seem fair to make you wait unless he has some doubts. Gosh hon, I really hope it all works out! Good luck.
2006-09-28 09:33:52 · answer #7 · answered by Michelle Lynn 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him and ask him why he doesn' t want to get married yet. He may have a plan that you are unaware of. If he loves you then he shouldn't be worried about getting married. It may be that he isn't as happy as you think and that he doesn't want to get married but feels obligated because you have children together. Only the truth will set you free!
Good luck babe!
2006-09-28 09:40:18 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The chances of the two of you getting married at this point is soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo slim. If he wanted to marry you, he already would have done it. I agree with the other person about giving him an ultimatum about you moving out. And don't give him one to prove his commitment to you that lasts for months....or years......Do it for days. or ONLY A COUPLE OF WEEKS! Good luck.
2006-09-28 09:43:07 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
living together and you have a kid? why get married! you put the cart before the horse already. You should give him a 6 month ultimatum to set a date, or find a new place to live.
2006-09-28 09:30:43 · answer #10 · answered by parental unit 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋