suicidal thoughts?

Question

I am going through a major episoide in my life right now and I have actually started feeling these types of thoughts. My life is turned up side down and I cant seem to make the pain go away. The reason for all of this is that my wife had an affair and is now pregnant, with a child that most likely is not mine. We have another daughter together that is mine. I still love my wife and she says she still loves me. She says she wants me back and wants to fix what ever is went wrong. I am so confused right now and at times feel like I just want it all to go away. I am not afraid to reconcil with wife, but I have my doubts I can handle her having a child that is not mine. For that reason I just want to go away. What is stopping me is that I have a buetiful daughter that I will not do that to. I love me wife I am just not sure I can handle what she has now created. I just want it all to go away.

I would like to add I feel suicide is not an option, but that doesnt stop the thoughts from being there. I want my life back in the worste way. There is still love between me and my wife, Im just not sure if love is enough in this situation. She needs to make the first move and make changes, she needs to show me she will do what ever it takes to save out marriage. If/when she does that I will definiately be there with her working on myself and us. But she needs to show me. She controls what happens next and I think that is what scares me. Abortion is not an option at this point she is to long in the pregnancy. I wish this became to light earlier, I would have then asked her to get an abortion and then we would be able to start over and then eventually have another of our own.

Answer 1

my friend, I am sorry you are going through this. It is awful.....but don't think that you can't handle the baby, you can.....it's your wife that you will never trust again. The baby is a baby, an innocent little baby.

As time goes by, you will heal (I know this, I have been in your mind-frame myself, along with a gazillion others who have contemplated the worst scenario possible).

And...Thou shalt not murder! Murder is sin, and sin will not enter Heaven.

When someone contemplates suicide, they are actually being self-centered, egotistical and self-righteous. God put that person on this earth for a reason, part of His plan, and for the individual to think so highly of himself to end their life - the life God gave them-, is putting themself in God's position!

People in distress don't realize that time will heal whatever is going on in that period of their life, life continues and changes and will get better, eventually.

It's a permanent solution for a temporary problem, my friend.
Everyone has been depressed, scared, angry, resentful, and so on, but you can change your way of thinking, especially when it comes to suicide. You aren't the one who messed up, your wife did. Why would you want to punish your daughter or leave her without a daddy?

God only gives us what we can handle, even if you think it's bad enough to end your life, it isn't to God. Sometimes we are tested (our strength) by tribulations to see who we 'really' are, to see what we can endure.

Whatever the problem is, it will go away, eventually.

Answer 2

Wow, I am sorry things are so tough for you right now. Although my situation is not the same, I have had some relationship problems lately and also have gotten very depressed and even had brief thoughts of suicide. That is NOT the answer. Your daughter needs you! The only advice I can give is just to slow down, take a deep breath, and let time start to heal and please don't do anything while the feelings and pain are so fresh and real. Once time has passed and the pain subsides a little, your emotions won't be so raw and you can make better, clearer choices. Reacting or making decisions while your emotions are so out of control is not a good thing. The best I can say is just to give the situation time, let your feelings settle a bit and you will probably be shocked how much you really can "handle". Time is the best healer. I wish you the best! I hope this helped at least a little.

Answer 3

I'm sorry about your situation. There is still the possibility the the baby is yours, right? Maybe if she's willing and her doctor says it's OK, she could have an amniocenteses to determine the paternity of the baby. Then you'll know for sure who's it is, and go from there. I would never recommend that in most cases, but this one seems urgent. If it turns out the baby isn't yours, you'll either have to come to terms with it, or leave. The only other alternative, would be to not find out, work on saving your marriage, and raising the baby with the assumption that it is your baby. If nothing else look at the new baby as your daughters sibling. Please don't do anything rash. Suicide is not the answer. Your life is worth living, you've just been hit with a sledge hammer. Give yourself time to process everything. Remember your daughter needs you in her life. Call a suicide hot line if you can't control your thoughts. They can be very helpful to you at a time like this. Keep living.

Answer 4

Suicide is NOT the solution to his problem, especially where you have a sweet little girl to consider. My ex-husband committed suicide 12 years ago, and I can't even begin to describe the horrible legacy he left my five children. They have all tried to deal with it in different ways (one of my daughters ended up on Ecstasy and went through a residential treatment center), but, as my oldest daughter described it. it NEVER goes away. Every time someone asks how her dad died, there it is again - with all the accompanying agony it brings back.

I don't know if you can forgive the tremendous betrayal your wife has brought into your marriage - my ex-husband was guilty of messing around with a number of women. I stayed with him for 18 months after the confession, and I was so glad I paid the price because when I finally left him, I knew I had done everything I possibly could to save the relationship, so there was no looking back after I left.

Get to a marriage and family counselor as soon as possible. If your wife won't go with you, go alone. There are lots of things you can learn about yourself, and about the relationship - and what you need to do with the future. But, above all - remember that ALL of this is about your little girl, and she needs a dad - in the home or from a distance.

Answer 5

Suicide is never the answer! You need to talk to someone. First your wife, then either the minister of your church, or a marriage councelor. One thing to think about is this baby could be yours and you wouldn`t want to risk anything until you know for sure do you. Find out what made her deside to have an affair. It might just have been a weak moment, and it just happened. There is no good excuse for what she did, but you need to talk about it. Don`t give up on your marriage so qwickly there is a new child involved.

Answer 6

It is very hard to give this type of advice, but I will say this. No matter what your death will not be a solution. Your daughter will suffer from it her whole life. If you love her as much as I suspect you do, you will find the strength to get through this. No matter what happens between you and your wife, you will always be that little girls father.
Your marriage may or may not be worth saving. Try marriage counseling. I wish you the best.

Answer 7

oh wow i am very sorry about that! Well I would recomment marriage counseling if that love is truly there. She did it once and she may or may not do it again. Its all up to u. But i do think counseling will help this situation. Maybe she was unhappy about something or she felt like something was missing or neede some excitement. Well I hope u resolve this issue together all as a family. And suicidal thoughts area very serious thing. Just try to relax and work it out. If u killed yourself how do u think your daughter would feel about this? Please think about her and all of the people that care about you! hope that helps.

Answer 8

Suicide is not the answer. Although I know personally it seems like it would be. You are just going to need time to heal.

If you want to be with her. Be with her. If you cannot continue. Then it is time to walk. You daughter does not have to be a victim in this departure.

Answer 9

have you talked to her about an abortion?I can see your point,and i wouldnt want someone elses kid in my house either.Is it possible for you to leave and take your daughter with you?If worse comes to worse divorce your wife and get sole custody of your daughter.Ive found out from past experience that once they cheat they will always cheat.Good luck.