He Hit You. Now What?

Question

No my guy has never hit me. No man has. But i'm interested to know what exactly people consider to be domestic abuse. Is one slap in the face domestic abuse, or just lost temper and forgivable? Do you call the Police, just leave, or listen to him/her when they apologize and try to work it out? Mom would kill me for saying this but in my opinion I don't really think just one slap is domestic abuse. I think it's something that can be worked out with counseling, apologies, and a promise to never do it again. Understand I in no way support any form of abuse but I just want to know how much is too much? When is the line crossed from merely lost temper to abuse?

Answer 1

I 'get' what you're saying about one slap not being enough to call off the whole thing. It's crazy to think that a single moment can dictate what you may have been working on for years. The problem is that normally where you'll find one slap, you'll find another slap, a man handled body, a light punch, possibly all of it evolving to a straight beating. I truely believe this. That's the thing about 'beliefs' though, we've all got different kinds and none of them are necessarily right or wrong. Now, as far as the police thing goes. If a man hits a woman, it's time for her to remove herself from that situation. If he stops her or continues on, then you use the police for what they are supposed to be used for, to protect and serve. It's a judgement call. If you think they're needed or afraid of what might happen next, no harm in calling. Good question by the way. Thought provoking. It's nice to hear someone have some 'grey' in their answers considering so many (myself guilty at times) answer questions so black and white.

Answer 2

A slap is domestic abuse. Once they do that they will start to think it's okay to hits you all the time. Counseling, apologies, and promises don't change a person. I have been through this in my life and any man hitting a woman whether a slap on the face or a punch is domestic abuse.

Answer 3

Physical abuse is never acceptable, so maybe on slap in the face is not worth calling the police, but it is worth making alternative living arrangements.

I have been married for 25 years, my wife has made me very angry on many occasions, but I have never hit her(with the exception of a slap on the leg after she slapped my face and it was reactionary, still unacceptable though).

Most women and men for that matter, that are killed by their spouse, are killed after being promised that "it" would never happen again..........

You may be right, it is possible to "work it out" but you must get out of there first, this re-enforces the point that you will not accept such aggression and behavior.

Just remember the old lepard never changes its spots rule!

Answer 4

A slap in the face, be it one or one hundred, is indeed abuse! Why would you think it's ok and not abuse?? That is a pretty weird way of thinking. Abuse comes verbally, emotionally, and physically. I can tell you, one slap in the face and it's on! I was raised in the ghetto, by my brother and his friends. They taught me to never be defensless. They made sure that a man, no matter what his size, would never have the upper hand on me. One guy that I dated put his hands on me once.....and he was in the hospital a short time later. No charges were filed on me because is was self defense. I left him, and I haven't seen him, or even heard anything about him since. It was one slap, and that was all it took. I am worth more then that!

Answer 5

Lost temper is words, which can also be abusive. He hurts me - in any physical way - that's abuse, and he's gone.... It never would stop with just the "one slap in the face" that you would forgive.

Answer 6

I can't speak for all people, but to me, getting physical is unacceptable in a relationship. I would not call the police after "one slap", but under no circumstances would I stay for very long after. Only long enough to find another place to live. There are compromises that I deem acceptable - but this wouldn't be one of them.

Answer 7

I think slap is a domestic abuse. That's it. If they did that, There are crossing the limit.

Answer 8

I have a friend who is a detective in the domestic violence unit, and this is what she says about it:

It is very common for people to ask, "Why doesn't she just leave?" Why doesn't she go someplace safe? Why doesn't she stand up to him? Why won't she go to court and testify? We have a whole range of answers to these questions. We have terms like "Stockholm Syndrome" and "Cycle of Violence." But the correct answer, in this case, is simply this: IT DOESN"T MATTER. It doesn't matter why she doesn't leave, because it's not about her.

The question we need to be asking is "Why does he keep beating her?"

We fire people for taking drugs. We fire them for stealing. We fire them for going to the wrong internet sites. Why on earth don't we fire people for beating their spouse? When someone is robbed, we don't ask them, "Why didn't you fight back? Why don't you carry a gun? Couldn't you have just left?" And yet, we have an entire range of reasons to blame the victim in a Domestic Violence situation.

People still refer to the crime as a "Domestic Dispute." If someone walks up to you, sticks a gun to your head and demands your wallet, is that a "financial transaction?" Heck no. Nor is it a "Domestic Dispute" when someone beats up their partner. That is called assault, and it's a crime. Why haven't we stopped him from beating her?

It is notoriously difficult to get victims of Domestic crime to show up to court. It's difficult enough to face a stranger, now imagine having to face the person you love in court and testify against them. Combine that with the knowledge that when they get out (and they will get out), how likely is it that they're not going to beat you for sending them to jail? We need independent witnesses. You have to go beyond just calling the police. You have to put your name on that police report. You have to show up and court and say "Yes, I've heard her screaming. Yes, I've seen him beat her." There is only so much that can be done in the criminal justice system -- you have to help us by making the crime unacceptable.

Answer 9

If the person I loved hit me or physicaly threatened me, or verbally abused me, it's OVER.
NO ONE is entitled to "lose their temper" to the point of hitting me. Zero tolerance.

If I were married to the guy, and he hit me, he better see a therapist within 24 hours. If he refused to get professional intervention it's divorce. The biggest lie is 'I'm sorry I'll never do it again".

Answer 10

Baby if he hit you then he will do it again and it will be more then a slap in the face. Just leave don't listen to nothing that to much.