My future husband???

Question

I just told my future husband that i got a positive pregnanct test i was so excited and scared! He on the other hand wants to move up the wedding day because he is afraid of how it will look if i walk down the isle pregnant and is panicking about what his italian mommy will think of this aparently she liked me when we met and the rest of his family did too we all got along and my spanish family is coming around to him and he is afraid this will mess things up? Is he taking this too far?I mean we are 24, and 25 years old not children and he does not want anyone to know it is almost like he is embarrassed of me being pregnant?

I feel hurt by this what should i do go along with it?

Wont it be really obvious to everyone the reason it was moved up?

we were suppose to marry in the spring now he wants it to be next month!I am only a month along!

We are both catholic

my familys stricter than his!

Answer 1

When is the wedding, how far along would you be if you didn't move it, etc...?

Good luck finding a wedding dress that'll fit you 8 months pregnant.

Anyway, planning a wedding is stressful, not something you want to be doing towards the end of a pregnancy, the dresses aren't going to fit you as well once you start showing, etc.
It depends on how far along you will be.

I would see it as more an issue of practicality, but if it really is going to hurt your relationship with his family, isn't it worth it to move it up? If it means that much to him is it really a big deal? I mean, he could've asked for worse.

In the end everyone is going to know that you were pregnant before you got married anyway, so it really doesn't matter that much. If it's going to make your husband happy I'd say do it, unless a bunch of family members wouldn't be able to make an earlier date or something.

Try and understand where your fiance is coming from- I'm your age and recently got married, but in my family it's simply looked down upon to have a baby out of wedlock. My thinking, if that had happened to me, would be to get married (legitimately, not eloping) ASAP, because my parents would be less mad about me being pregnant if we were married BEFORE they found out. I would feel like I let them down and like I had been irresponsible.

I would try not to be hurt. As I said he could've asked for crazier things. I think you should consider what he's asking you for, because year 2006 or not, age 24 or age 40, people still frown on this kind of stuff and he knows that.

Good luck.

Answer 2

Your husband is approaching this situation with a good sound understanding of the inter-workings of family relationships. His reaction is probably the best way to handle it for peace in both families to come. Even if they suspect something at moving the wedding up, that will be a much better sight than being 9 months pregnant and trying your best to walk without shuffling past your new unhappy mother in law on your wedding day.

Traditional catholic families will be shocked and disgusted that the two of you are expecting and this is the source of his embarrassment. Its not acceptable and very frowned upon in that faith to have premarital sex much less pregnancy out of wedlock. This will be something long remembered for not only you but your child. It will cause some family members to change good opinions of you two to bad ones and that will take a lot of work to change. Up until now it has been all smiles and working to accept the prospective partner for both families. If they hear of this it is possible that the gloves will come off and you will truly see and hear how they really feel. It is a bit naive to believe that this is not a serious matter that will produce serious reactions by the family members on both sides. Trust me, its much better to have happiness at a wedding and then happiness at a new baby. Not unhappiness at new baby and we have to get married, that is how they will see it.

Aside from what others may think:
Look down the road a ways, its spring and you are planning to walk down the aisle. You are very pregnant, can't see your toes, swollen, uncomfortable, and nervous about a wedding. (everyone gets somewhat nervous). Many times your ankles swell, there could be nausea, many pregnant women go through self esteem issues because of the amount of weight gained. Do you really want to spend your wedding day looking at a larger more pregnant you in your beautiful wedding gown and not feeling quite well?

My advice is for all concerned:

By moving the wedding up you will avoid the stares, comments, rudeness, and general unhappiness that traditional and old fashioned parents will most likely feel about the pregnancy.

You will look gorgeous in your wedding dress at your current weight. Your pictures will be beautiful and forever more when you look back at your special day you will only see your happiness and hopes for an awesome future not a large you very pregnant with your first child.

You will actually enjoy your wedding night. You won't have pregnancy sickness or not feel comfortable. You will be able to sleep through the night without the normal 4-6 trips to the bathroom because the baby is sitting on your bladder.

Its a win, win. Why not have a great wedding and in a few months, SURPRISE! Everyone will be happy, no hurt feelings and a brand new baby to show for it. What could be better?

Answer 3

I think a pregnant bride would be beautiful.
We are living in a totally different day and age, and although his mom won't like it, the beauty of being an adult is that you don't have to do what mom & dad say anymore.
Yes it will be obvious why the date was moved, so it's not like he'll be keeping the family from knowing (including his mother). They will all know (especially if they are Italian!-I'm Italian and I know how gossip travels), so why hide it?
You could have an absolutely beautiful dress, you'd be glowing, and your baby could be part of the ceremony, instead of being hidden like it doesn't exist.
I think you should stand up to him, and have him stand up to his mommy. It's hard for a nice Italian boy to tell his mom what's what, but does he want to bow to her for the rest of his life?
And she'll love the baby regardless of when the two of you got married. She should be ecstatic that you're getting married at all!
Good Luck with this one. I think you'll need it!


I have to add this. I can't believe how many ignorant answers you've gotten. Don't listen to those ridiculous people calling you names. Marriage and child rearing are the responsibilities of BOTH parents, both families. Neither should be completely giving in to the other.
If you go along with his plans, be prepared to have less of a say in your future together. And this includes disagreements with his mother.

Answer 4

You could get married before the date, and just change the wedding date to a reception or party to celebrate. I dont know how traditional your families are - if they are very traditional, then this could affect their impressions of you both. If they aren't then it shouldn't matter and they will most likely be happy that you are having a child.
I do agree though that a pregnant bride looks a bit tacky. Either move the date up, or even wait until after the baby is born.

Answer 5

Dear, he is right, actually. Better to marry now so that when the baby is born you are LEGALLY married. Think about it. What if something happened to your fiance PRIOR to the wedding next year? Get married now. It would look rather in bad taste to walk down the aisle of a CHURCH sticking out to here! Not that the world will end if you do, but it is in BAD TASTE and very, very TACKY! Move the wedding up and just do it. People will know one way or the other. Get on with it.

Answer 6

I went through this! I was engaged at 24 years old with an October wedding being planned, and found out I was preggers and due in August.
Since it was a church wedding, I personally thought it inappropriate to be huge with baby at my wedding..also, we both felt strongly that we wanted to be married already when the baby was born. So, we moved it to May. We nixed the church wedding and had a nice ceremony and reception at a local inn.
Maybe he wants to move it up for the sake of being married when the baby arrives. Maybe it is his family. It could be so many things. You need to sit and talk it through. You don't need to start off your married life with this conflict..plus, his mother may hang it over your head forever!!!!

Answer 7

Every family is different. I have an Italian husband and they are more conservative and raised in a more traditional manner. It has NOTHING to do with how he feels about you. I swear. Be happy that you have a future husband with good morals who is going to raise your children. Most people that I know would not want to be "showing" and walk down the aisle. It's about having respect for the older, more conservative members of your family and protecting your family and your child from gossip. Unfortunately, a lot of people in our society are still conservative in this way. I'm not saying I agree with it, but that it just how it goes. You want him to be comfortable with the situation. He's the one that's going to have to hear about it from his Mom, not you. I think you should let him move up the wedding date if that is what he wants. He loves you and he's trying to do the right thing. So, let him!

Answer 8

Personally if it was me, id move up the wedding date. Not in a month but as soon as i could arrange for a decident little wedding as planned. I wouldnt walk down the aisle preg n showing. I would want the pretty dress....the nice pics as a memory. Then soon ( 3 weeks ) after the wedding i would want him to tell everybody that you are exspecting.

Answer 9

Do what you think is best. If moving the wedding up will cause stress, then you need as less as stress and you can. I don't think that the parents shouldn't have anything to do with this. You are pregnant and they will love that child as much as they would love a child conceived before or after marriage.

Answer 10

aww..he comes from old school. that's actually kind of cute. he's not ashamed of you. so lets take care of that feeling.
he's just concerned how his family will treat you for not waiting like old customs.

i am pretty sure most of his family can do math and figure out the due date and the marriage date aren't exactly 9 months. to be perfectly honest...i don't like being fat in my pictures and having to deal with all the pregnancy hormones is bad enough. then you might havee to change the dress you wanted to begin with. as a woman, either we have that wedding before i get fat.....or we wait til after the baby. but that's just me.