She has been battling Cancer since march of 2005 going into remission for a 9 month period and has been hospitalized. She lives in the Bronx (has a view of Yankee Stadium) NYC and they have NEVER visited despite being invited for her 70th Bday and to visit her while ill. They have never once visited her in the hospital in Manhattan NYC at Columbia Pres and Lenox Hill both safe neighborhoods.
My wife's mother is an angel and has a place in heaven. She absolutely loved my parents and became very hurt when they decided not to come to her 70th Bday party and with there seeming lack of caring and inability to carve time out of there schedule to visit her in the hospital at least once although she's never said as much.
Do we have a right to be angry? Is it o.k. to expect that they would take the time to visit at least once?
How do I keep from damaging my relationship permanently with them?
2006-09-28 08:39:48 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Where do your parents live in relation to her?
Just remember, just because you value and love your mother in law, your parents might feel differently. It doesn't mean they love YOU or your wife any less. Maybe they just don't feel all that close to her. There's no sin in that, there's nothing that says you have to get along with others or even like the people in your extended family.
And yes, you have a right to be angry in the sense that NO feelings are wrong...they just are, whether they make logical sense or not. I can understand why you feel hurt - you and your wife are learning by their actions that they just don't care that much. If they visited after you decided to confront them, they wouldn't feel any different- they'd feel the same, but be doing it just to appease you. Is that really going to make you, them, or your mother in law feel any better? My guess is your Mom in law will be able to sense they're doing it just out of guilt.
2006-09-28 08:43:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes you have a right to be upset, but keep in mind that visiting someone who is terminally ill is very hard on people and some have a difficult time just going into a hospital.
My mother in law passed away two weeks ago from colon and liver cancer - she fought a tough battle for 6 months and the last two she was in ICU. My husband and I went from seeing her 4 times a week to just once because her body was just breaking down and it was physically and emotionally exhausting us. My mom and grandma went to visit her once a week too and I was really grateful for them to do that.
Your parents should go see her - even if just a couple times for a half hour or so. It will mean so much to her, and to you.
Best of luck....
2006-09-28 08:47:31 · answer #2 · answered by Rachel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just be honest and tell them that you would really appreciate it if they visited her in the hospital as she wont be here forever. If they live near by then you surely have a right to be upset that they haven't seen her yet. If they live pretty far away then you may give them a little leaway. Depending on how long you have been family is another factor in deciding on how upset you should be. Just explain to them that she would really enjoy their company even if it's just once while she is in the hospital. Be honest and blunt but respectful!! You may also talk to your wife and tell her that you would like them to go see her and that it bothers you that they haven't. She may be able to help you make it happen!!
Good Luck!
2006-09-28 08:58:41 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be angry, but you certainly have a right to be disappointed. Usually family supports one another. I'm sure this will colour your relationship with them, and that's fine - it's what they close. It would be really interesting to know why they would not go see her. Maybe there is a tactful way you could ask. It's very touching that you feel so strongly about your mom in law - you must be a very kind man. That's the kind of relationship my husband had with my mom before she passed away.
2006-09-28 09:12:56 · answer #4 · answered by Lydia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, you should not be offended that they have not visited. No matter how much we'd all like for both families to come together and become one, that just isn't how it always goes down. Your families are separate and if your parents don't feel close to her, you guys should not make them feel bad for not going to see her. I'm sure they do care and don't want anything bad to happen to her. This should be enough for you and your wife. Focus on spending this time with her. All of the rest is unimportant.
2006-09-28 08:45:01 · answer #5 · answered by Hpnotiq 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Some people can not handle this......Parents are really over grown children......I lost my husband four years ago and to this day I will not go to a funeral unless I had a very serious relationship with this person that died. Do not take it personally, Do not be offended.
People are people and some just can't face the reality of death or serious illness. Some of my friends are not my friends now because they couldn't handle the pain that they saw me go through. They liked me up not down and I was a downer. I am sorry that you are going through this, just hold on tight to your wife and walk with her as she deals with this.....Your parents are not rejecting just denying. I hope this helps.
2006-09-28 08:52:05 · answer #6 · answered by Been There Done That 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like your all adults, talk to your parents about this.
When I was reading your story, I just couldn't help but wonder if maybe their reaction or lack of reaction in this situation is the fact they would have to face their own Immortality. People are not all the same and there is no way that everyone will react the way we want them to. Just maybe this is a little harder on them than you realize? Just a thought?
2006-09-28 09:14:42 · answer #7 · answered by Plain Jane 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If they are not close to this women then I don't see why they should have to do anything for her. If they do have a active role in the in laws then a phone call or visit would be nice. And to let this damage your relationship with them is up to you. If you are the type to hold a grudge or not let things go then that's on you.
2006-09-28 08:49:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can be angry with them but they are still your parents and regardless if your views are the same or difference than them, as long as you show love to your mother-in-law dont worry so much about what your parents do. adults all do things in life that they might not think its cruel or hurtful until the person is being done to has passed on. but also dont make excuses for them. let them fight their own battles of them beign rude. you just continue to love your mother-in-law and give her support in her time of need.
as long as your their son, and you continue to talk to them even if it is about other things then you will not damage anything. but since they choose not to visit , you choose not to speak about it. i know it is ingorance but sometimes this is the only thing we can do.
2006-09-28 08:45:58 · answer #9 · answered by lasalle_1986 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd say proximity of your parents and your Mother - in law may have something to do with.. I'm not familiar with your city, but I've got friends in my mid size city I've not seen in 10 years.
I would ask your mom and dad if they could stop and see her before she passes away.
Is there bad blood between them because of your marriage? These are things you might pose in a letter to your parents. Ask them, hell you've know them all your life. You should know if there is something else underlying their actions.
2006-09-28 08:53:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋