i've been thinking alot about one of my husband's friend's. i don't think i would ever do that, but, is the fact that he's in my mind all the time, a hidden agenda? i don't want to lose my family, but i've even started acting different when his friend comes over. am i a cheater?
2006-09-28 08:34:43 · 37 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
A temptation is an act that looks appealing to an individual. It is usually used to describe acts with negative connotations and as such, tends to lead a person to regret such actions, for various reasons: legal, social, psychological (including feeling guilt), health, economic, etc. Temptation also describes the coaxing or inducing a person into committing such an act, by manipulation or otherwise of curiosity, desire or fear of loss.
Q. Where do most sexual affairs begin?
A. I'd estimate that 90 percent begin on the job/husbands friend/neighbours. The attraction starts innocently— someone "catches your eye." Next comes some small talk, followed by more "talk." Later there's an excuse to be alone—it's just a harmles contact. You share a personal problem or maybe a marital struggle, and your male friend "really understands." First there's a spark. Then an emotional affair ignites. And if the relationship grows, a sexual liaison often follows.
Some sociobiologists believe that there's a biologically driven imperative to explore outside the paired bond (marriage, usually with children) after a certain period. That amounts to a four-year itch, one that can cause those urges you feel now to wander with your eyes, your heart and even your groin. Be forewarned. Following those drives, whether stemming from a social or animalistic tendency, can get you in plenty of hot water. Think well before you heed the mating calls and leave your roost.
I suggest you discuss this urge with a counselor who can help and guide you to determine the exact triggers within your life at this time. Maybe you and your mate owe it to yourselves to take the bull by the horns and do something about your malaise in your own bedroom. Perhaps you and your husband have fallen into old patterns of same stuff, different day, and it's worn and boring to think about sex with him. You may be going through some form of the midlife crisis and this is your antidote.
Many feel this sense of longing to go with their e rotic flow and try it out with other men. That's often because these people are illusions, fantasies. So try to rearrange your perceptions of those "other" men, who then could become just another husband some day whom you will long to leave for yet another pursuit of your fancies. Instead, explore ways to find that sexy, alluring and attractive "other" right there in your own back yard.
What can be done ? - Take some protective steps:
1. Never meet in total privacy with someone of the opposite sex—keep the door open or cracked. Do not eat alone or sit alone for long durations with a man other than your husband or a family member. Never.
2. Establish a "no secrets" policy in your marriage. Tell your spouse everything. Even share when you're tempted to be emotionally or mentally unfaithful. Temptation is not sin, but a hidden temptation can birth sin.
3. Don't share marital problems with a coworker/neighbour/husbands friend etc of the opposite sex. Never.
4. Be careful about how—if ever—you touch a them.
5. Be ready to flee if caught off guard by a tempting situation.
6. Above all else, GUARD YOUR HEART.
With a little effort you will be able to handle this situation. Good Luck
2006-09-29 01:59:48 · answer #1 · answered by Rahul 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
That's a tough one. You might want to try some subtle hints about being sloppy. If its washing clothes, just ask them if there is anything that needs to be washed right away and for them to go get them and throw them in the washer. If it's plates and dishes, do the same thing. "I'm doin' the dishes and need a full load, got any extras laying around?" At least he's home and not out drinking and looking for some extra action on the side, be thankful for that - but don't back down. Maybe explain that you need a little help every now and then. In fact, next time just go sit on the couch with him, kick back and don't do anything. Guys don't like to be bossed and just because you feel like cleaning house, right now, doesn't mean he's in the mood too. You can always confront him in the hall way, press him against the wall, give him a big kiss and ask him, "hey big guy, can you bring all your dishes to the sink? Good luck.
2016-03-18 02:24:55 · answer #2 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are not a cheater unless you've actually cheated. This may just be some type of infatuation because you are not getting what you need out of your relationship with your spouse. Now, if you are a religious person ( Catholic ) , then in the eyes of God you have already committed adultery. However, I think you should try to figure out what it is that is causing you to think about this other person. Seek marital counseling alone first and then together with your husband. If you love your husband and kids like you say, then this shouldn't even be a concern or problem.
2006-09-28 08:52:06 · answer #3 · answered by ray ray 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to explore where these feelings are coming from. Affairs are a slippery slope and lots of times result from some unfulfilled need. Do some soul searching and if that isn't enough meet with a counselor who can help you develop some insight and practical strategies. I'm a psychiatric social worker with a decade and a half of experience and my take on this is to first cut yourself some slack but realize what you have to lose. My boyfriend and I have a very healthy view on things like this and we communicate with a lot of humor. For example we will joke with each other if we see a "hot" girl or guy that gets our attention. The grass usually isn't greener. Look at your priorities and make your relationship first. YUP FIRST! before your job, before your kids or anything. When you do that you reduce the chance that outside influences can interfere!
2006-09-28 08:54:15 · answer #4 · answered by UCURGYPSY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a little flirtation (and I mean a little) dosen't make you a cheater. I've been married for 11 years, and have 2 kids. I went into the pet store a couple of days ago to do some shopping. This completely hot, very sexy black man (the manager) was hitting on me. Now, keep in mind, I've had 2 kids, so I'm not exactly in fighting form (think curvy white girl, pushing 30), and it made me feel really good about myself. I have a friend that is 21, and she was horrified when I told her. She said, "but you're married!!" my answer to that was, yeah, but I'm not dead. the point is, unless you're planning on having cheating, it can be a real boost to the ole self-esteem. but only you know the answer to the whole "am I a cheater" question, right?
2006-09-28 08:43:21 · answer #5 · answered by scbettyboop 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋
This is called temptation i believe. But before it is too late you wake up. You have to fight out this temptation otherwise you will be nowhere. The very fact that you are questioning yourself about the right and wrong shows that you are a good person by heart. But need to win over your weak temptations. Be more strong. There is something in your hubby's friend that is attracting you.What is that? His looks? Qualities ? Ask yourself why exactly are you getting attracted to him. Concentrate on your children more. Avoid thinking about him more. Keep yourself busy with some good habits like reading etc.,
If you dont stop yourself now it will kill your personality and you will be nowhere at the end of it.
2006-09-28 17:25:30 · answer #6 · answered by Saheli 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are already much ahead in family life and at this stage you should not stake your family and children's future for the sake of silly thoughts brewing in your mind. You are the boss of your mind and not vice' versa. Being unfaithful to one's spouse is a great sin which leads to untold miseries. You have not yet slipped, hence there is still a chance to save your family from ruin. Be sensible to remain in command of the situation. What are the things the other guy has got but your hubby doesn't have? Can you not survive to live a happier life without thinking of the the other chap? I am sure, you can overcome the impending crisis by controlling your mind for which you should start meditating immediately. May God be merciful to you!
2006-09-29 10:03:56 · answer #7 · answered by believer 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi thr.
Its verry natural to be attracted to somebody - U r no cheater or something of the stuff, but, u do certainly have some limitations - everybody has - limitations and responsibilities - n - u can not overlook them...
Think, iff this was something ur husband would have been saying...
or
iff HE does something like this - would u like it or would bear it at all...
So, just think of him n control ur emotions - believe me u can do it
Wat iff ur husband gets a hunch - an intution kindaa thing - ur married life would become a hell - n then u would realise - fancying 'some1 who doesn't matter to u as much as ur family' is not worth so much, I mean sacrificing ur mental peice or ur married life for him...
Moreover, I suggest u need to look into ur marriage too - spicen it up - go a bit unconventional - go on a post honeymoon with ur husband - do sumthing about it.
Wish u a happy life.
2006-09-28 09:36:34 · answer #8 · answered by simi 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you dont want to lose your family then stay faithful and no your not a cheater just because you start getting a little feelings for one of his friends doesnt mean you are cheating but what you should do is try sumthing new with your husband bring back the spice to your guy's marriage and this feeling you have for this other guy is probably just puppy love since you have been with your husband for a long time
2006-09-28 08:38:52 · answer #9 · answered by Wlr Steve 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You love your family is a definite sign of a satisfied cheerful family life. Nevertheless, it really appears to be unbelievable that your attention is getting diverted towards an outsider because of something else. It appears that this is not attraction but a disturbed concentration.
You are pointing out yourself as a potential cheat, proves that you are quite serious about your accountabilities, loyalty and integrity.
It needs enormous guts to put yourself for an acid test… that… whether you are a cheat? You are a strong person, however, appear to be too emotional.
Ask your husband not to invite his friends to home. Home is an exclusive territory for wife and children; hence, one should not mix-up home with colleagues or friends.
Do recollect, when did you observe your husbands face keenly and tried to read his feelings, emotions and stresses.
How many times you touch your eldest child in a day and when did you hugged him or her last time?
It is your husband and family members who would be at your side in distress and for the whole life.
Just listen to your conscience and follow its commands.
2006-09-28 10:07:31 · answer #10 · answered by Harish Jharia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋