About BDSM???

Question

BDSM scares me but I am sooooooo interested it scares me. I am married w/ no way get into this. I have been 'watching' this for awhile now. Any answers will comfort me :)

If you don't know what it is then don't worry about answering... and if you have problems with it don'tbother answering. THANKS!

Answer to 'Rabbit' and 'Semi Mad' I wish there was a way to pick 'two' best answers :) but thanks anyways you are the best!!!

Answer 1

Roller coaster rides scare us, but we keep riding them, right?

There are ways. Places like alt.com let you explore the area and chat with those who practice it, or wannabes who can talk a good game--which is okay, because, as you said, you can't real time, but may be able to squeeze some virtual time in. Bring your imagination.

There are other ways. When by yourself, or slowly integrating parts into your life, you can gradually or sporadically experience a little here or there.

First things first--where do you fit? Are you a sadist, as in you like to inflict pain or humiliation on others? Are you a masochist, somehow it seems right when you are hurt, or some hurts paradoxically feel good? My wife has a touch of that. Sometimes, a key word, she likes her bottom spanked when we are intimate. Sometimes, she puts this brave face on (and I can tell then what is cooking) and she invites me to have sex when she is not ready, grimmacing in the unlubricated beginning, but after a few moments of obvious pain it is like a switch flips on and she is enjoying the heck out of what I would otherwise be tempted to feel bad about. If you are in the masochistic group, that could be part of the game you play, doing what he likes, encouraging him a moment or two of extra roughness or aggression--if that is what you like.

Related is the D for domination. Are you the dominant one, or the submissive? Sadists usually are the dominants and masochists usually are the submissives, although odd combinations can and do happen. Assuming you are the submissive masochist, then remember that when he wants something somehow and at sometime when you don't. That could be your submission, that could bring the pain that you might have that paradoxical pleasure in. Notice I said paradox, not perverse. Perversion is the realm of dominant sadists, the paradox of enjoying the pain from their perverse pleasures is the territory of submissive masochists.

More commonly, and you will see this at the alt chats, you simply serve your husband, but with a hidden purpose. Practice submissive poses, commonly the kneeling rest on the floor. Sit on your feet, hands on your lap, back straight, head down just a little so you are always looking up to him, knees suggestively apart just a little, likely wearing a skirt. You might look for opportunities (perhaps start when no one is home) where you practice nudity as you do your housework. Some day, he is watching the game in his favorite chair, you are sitting like patient puppy on the floor beside him (because I like to), you go to fetch him a drink, (especially if he is really engrossed in the game), go shed the clothes and quietly park in your position and silently hold up his beer or coffe or whatever.

As for bondage, there are opportunities for self-bondage. Try wearing tighter clothes, go for longer and straighter skirts that constrict your walk. Try shopping tight leather clothes. (heels, high heels are usually best). These are a fairly subtle start. Buy a dog collar and a chain leash and when home alone put it on and for a time restrict yourself to the length of the leash after you've looped the other under the leg of a chair. Get a length of cloth and tie it around one wrist and then put your hands behind you and wrap it around the other and simply keep it there for a while. Find an open chair or short stool and tie your ankles to the two legs on one side, bend over the seat backwards and grasp the legs on the otherside--then do it naked and hold it.

In each your fantasies will have their time to play--and that is where the real worth comes. When something happens and husband wants to do something kinky (now that you've opened the way, he will) you will have discovered things to suggest, like tying you to the four corners of the bed and having his way with you.

These are suggestions to explore ways to quietly step into it, or try it a little when on your own. Remember, and this is important, while pain may sometimes translate to pleasure, make absolutely sure it never is injury, that and never tie yourself up without the release line in your hand, and never ever put a loop around your neck. Now explore yourself.

Answer 2

This is a little difficult to address as BDSM covers a lot of ground. For some people, it might be as simple as being a submissive spouse by choice, letting the other always set the agenda. For others, it might require being stripped naked, bound hand and foot, blindfolded and gagged, then having their entire backside beaten with whips and paddles before they begin to feel like it's BDSM. :-) (Dominants also have their differing interests as well.)

In any case, I agree with cordefr in that your spouse needs to be at least aware that you have this urge growing in you. Going behind your spouse's back would be a trust violation. There are a lot of people who do get into the lifestyle without letting their spouse in on their actions, but that can cause a lot of problems IMHO. In any case, the BDSM lifestyle is not for singles only. Many married couples engage in BDSM activities, most often with each other (seen a lot in Dominant/submissive relationships), or with others, generally with the understanding that it doesn't violate the trust of their spouse.

BDSM need not be feared. Despite a lot of misconceptions, it is a normal human activity, and it is often healthy and even therapeutic. (Imagine coming home from a bad day at work with your spouse ready to beat those thoughts out of you. I'm serious!) If being bound, submissive, or masochistic is the scary part, you probably prefer the Dominant role. If it's the stigma of being associated with the lifestyle that is frightening, keep in mind that it's become more and more mainstream, and it could be the woman next door is a Dominatrix without you knowing about it. (It happens more often than you might think.)

Hopefully you'll be able to straighten out your feelings about this. As long as you don't expect your spouse to be involved, sharing your feelings about this should be productive. Who knows, perhaps your spouse has similar feelings as well. I wish you good luck in whatever path you take.

Answer 3

Have you studied the many webpages dedicated to this subject? I was very, very interested too, and was able to engage in a scene with someone I trusted. I'd already watched her in action with her own subject and she explained extremely well what would happen should I chose to experience it. So it turned out well. Try to figure out why you feel this huge need to explore another lifestyle, perhaps you'll understand yourself more. Anyone else in your life that you could trust to ask about it, then do so.

Answer 4

Look up some of the pertinant sites on bdsm, it will help your curiousity...as a sub/slave, with a Master....you may want to search www.alt.com or look up online for possible munches in your area. If you have any questions, or would like a referal to another site, please feel free to im me at kr_cowgirl here on yahoo. I am sure i would be able to help you search if i had more information ...good luck with your needs, wants and desires.

Answer 5

I could tell you all sorts of things and give you all kinds of information... but as for comforting you...no way...it'll just scare you... Get a life... Bdsm is fetish driven...no fetish is healthy especially if it is not equally shared with a spouse...

You need to evaluate... whats more important.... your wife or your warped idea of sexual perversion...

Tell it to Oprah and seek counseling from Dr. Phil!

Answer 6

If you are married then you have a way in. Talk with your spouse. No need to go full blown with equipment and costumes, start at a basic level.

Answer 7

Well I'm a sadomasochist and a muslim .. so what can I say ? I don't think that non arab husbands don't beat their wives and you can not deny the huge abuse non arab females complain of .. Islam never asked for husbands to mistreat their wives and never allowed that only in case of committing adultery when the woman is stoned to death and the man is executed . fair enough so don't judge islam from muslims please respect others and their beliefs :)

Answer 8

If you are married, you *have* to share this with your partner. Any other way would be dishonest. As you really need a partner you can trust completely (and vice versa), you have to discuss it with him. Tell him of your fantasies, ask him for the ones he has.

Start slowly, ask him to tie you up using scarves or ties, explain to him why you want that.

Here is some reading material about bondage (my particular penchant)
Bondage 101:
http://www.albanypowerexchange.com/BDSMinfo/bondage.htm
http://ms.ha.md.us/~tammad/over21/bondage/

Collection of links to tutorials (not all still work):
http://www.massachusettsbondage.com/tutorials/Tutorials.html

Shibari in pictures, very complete:
http://www.japanrope.com/tutorial.html
http://ds-arts.com/RopeArt/tutorials.html

Rope lingerie: breast bondage and crotch rope in pictures
http://www.nawashi.com/tutor/sjm.html
http://www.nawashibari.com/

Very complete, but text only, therefore sometimes difficult to understand:
http://www.bdsm-chicago.com/cram/CRAM_tuts.html

And this picture is nice to show to someone new to bondage:
http://www.erosblog.com/japanese-bondage-instructions.jpg

Have fun with your research!

Answer 9

WTF is BDSM???