Do kids EVER come around in a divorce and remarriage????

Question

My kids REFUSE to accept our divorce and my new boyfriend. I want to marry this man but the kids and my parents are SO mad and SO unaccepting of him. He hasn't done anything to them personally. My kids are 18,20, and l2. My 12 yr. old daughter threatens to live with her Daddy and never come see me. I was a good mother and no one can take that from me. My ex was controlling and abusive. I gave it 23 yrs. When will my kids accept this and come back into my life.?? Should I get rid of the boyfriend and not marry him. ?? They are forcing me to choose between a life with the man I love and the children that I love.....will the resentment ever end????? Do they EVER come around? What about when their Dad decides to date and find someone? I feel like they hate me. What hurts the most, is that I was number one in their life until this divorce. They feel sorry for their Dad. But he was the one who caused the tension in the home with his temper outbursts and all.I was the codependent

Answer 1

I went through the same thing with my kids and it was the hardest thing in the world to deal with. I met my now husband after my divorce and they didn't like the fact that he was here, but yet, their dad had a new girlfriend which was fine. I think it is jealously though, because mom is mom and they want all your attention, no matter what age they are. I went ahead and married my husband and now my children call him dad and they love him to death.....they won't even answer you if they are asked who they love more.......their real dad or their step-dad......hang in there honey, it will work out, they will come around when they realize you are happy........good luck

Answer 2

You don't say how long you have been divorced, if it is only a short time then the boyfriend is a problem, was he in the picture prior to the divorce? If so, he is the reason you left the kids father, from the kids point of view. The 19 or 20 yr old kids are old enough to talk to about this, the 12 yr old is not going to understand why she can't have her daddy and mommy together. I suggest counseling and put the boyfriend way down on the list of importance if not just not being with him right now.
Divorce is something that hurts all involved, good luck.

Answer 3

I know that you are wanting a life after your divorce. I understand that too. You have a right to have a life. YOUR own life. But something tells me that your divorce is still on the fresh side of the plate and although your children are old enough to understand what happen and why the divorce took place, they are still having a hard time excepting it because they love you and their dad. Your ex hasn't even started dating again yet, and yet here you are with a new boyfriend and already talking about wanting to marry him and makeing him apart of your chidlren's lives. You have no idea what dad is telling them. He could be saying that you were cheating on him with this man.......... even though you weren't, and that will anger your children making them think that you hurt and used their dad, even when its not true. Your children are YOUR children and they will always be apart of your life. But this NEW man, you don't know, he could be gone tomorrow or next year or even 5 yrs from now. Your kids don't hate you, they are hurt and they are confussed, and you dating one person after their father and wanting to move him in on yours and their life so soon has got them really *wondering* about things and about you. Hold off on this man, pull the riegns and slow it down....... give the divorce time to heal, if not for you, then for your children. Seriously, after 23 yrs of marriage to an abusive man, you do need time as well to get your barings together, to enjoy some peace in your life and some one on one with your children. If you and this man are *ment* to be, then you will be. There is no question in that. Your parents are mad because they feel that you are only thinking of yourself and not your children. This divorce was not just about you and your exhusband, your children and their feelings and emotions were involved in all of this too. You moving so quickly with this new boyfriend has them all not only wondering, but concerned about you. I hope you find insight in this, and I do wish you well........... Blessed be.

Answer 4

It depends on the relationship that the kids have with you and their dad, and the relationship that you have with their dad. Just because you are divorced doesn't mean that you can cut off all contact with their dad. He is always going to be their dad, and you and him need to work out a way that you can coexist for the kids sake. I'm not saying you have to be best friends but you have to at least be civil to one another and be able to be around each other. Your boyfriend also has to realize that he is NOT their dad and the best he can hope for is to eventually be their friend. Eventually they should come around. However, you may want to seek family counseling to help all of you work through the divorce and what happens next. Don't give up on your happiness. Good luck.

Answer 5

Peep this chick, u need to LIVE for U.. If the daughter wants to live with the father then so be it. It will be more time for you and the new Boo to do a little One on one time. Then maybe one of these days when the whole family stops pointing the finger and hope on the band wagon then fine. Like u said your BOO did nothing wrong and I am sure of it he will welcome them with open arms once they come around. And for your mom to be mad and upset peep this you slept there with the man and you endured all that u could. Times have changed and woman are smart u did not have to stay married or in that situation. As for the 18 and 20 year old they are grown and u do not need there permission. Like I said be more than willing to pack there belongs if they want to go. Just know once the 18 and 20 year old start to date back off them too. If they come to you for help this is when you flip the script, u really do not want my help when I choose to do what was rigth for me you all lashed out. So do what is right for you. no-one can make decisions for you and you can not worry about how they are all feelings.. Do not allow them to blame you aor to make you feel like youare wrong for dating or wanting to move FORWARD~ Oh yeah the resentment will end once you put the wall up as to say, I do not give a damn" I will and am doing me. U pay your bills right? u and dude sleep together, u do not make love to the kids and u have needs. But as I say stop explaining how you feel to them cause that makes them see you as a baby-child not a grown woman. Today your focus is on you and about making you happy~ Stop pleasing the whole family especially if the new BOO did nothing to your kids at all. Shoot the 12 years can bouce for real she will see the grass is not green. It will pass as long as you do nto entertain it~

Answer 6

Accepting a new parent is not always easy, since a stepparent usually comes with a few challenges of their own such as; coping with the authority of a stepparent, learning to share and to compromise, and coping with unequal treatment.
Normally, several years are needed before trust develops to the point where members of a stepfamily feel at ease with one another. Only then may diverse habits and values blend into a workable routine. So be patient! Do not expect that you will experience instant love or that an instant family will result.

Answer 7

Now think about, I guess you were a saint in this relationship? You did no wrong? Honey let me tell you, it took 2 to meet, 2 to tango, 2 to have kids, and 2 to split! Stop puttin all your problems on him! Now, to answer your question, Im in that situation now, after 7 years, my wife left me, said she was unhappy. Wrong! We both married to young, I was 21, she being 18. I 1st threatened to take the kids, cuz she was seein other people right after, then I said know, I fought back. Everyday I was with another woman, but I made myself lookbad. Then I just up and stopped. We have a 2 1/2 year old and a 1year old, both girls. I also have a 6 year old boy by another woman, it took him along time to accept my x, but he did, now he dont want nething to do with her, I cant make him see her, so its his choice. My girls, they'd rather be with daddy, I hold them, play with them, feed them, bath them. Im always right here, between them at bed time, when she stays out partying everynight! However, deep down, they love there mom, and they will not be strung out because of what we're going through, theyll come around, and see who was really there. Girls always are closer to dad, sorry I had to take you through my whole life lol but it was all for a point, remember, THEYLL COME AROUND!

Answer 8

I think that they will eventually come around. I have many friends whose parents are divorced and they get over it, its just a shock at first but they sooner or later should get over it. Kids will be kids, its probably going to take them sometime to realize that you are happy right now. But they will come around when they need you and they will remember everything that you have done for them. Why would you want to leave the man you love and treats you right to go back with someone who hurts, beats, abuses etc and whatever else harmful he did to you.You did the right thing to leave your husband before matters got worse. Just ask yourself this. Does your boyfriend beat you??? Does he treat you right????Are you happy when you are with him???? Do you love your boyfriend???? Do you really want to go back with your abusive husband???? I guess all I can say is that think about it you be the better judge, but don't do something your going to regret. Just take sometime and think about it and if anything ask God for some guidance He never fails.

Answer 9

I'm sorry this is going on and know how hard it is. The FIRST person -- be it Mom or Dad -- to find a new lover, will be the one who pays for it the most. No matter their ages, they'll see this new person as the Grim Reaper who tore apart the marriage. Family counseling can help. Again, I really am sorry this is happening and understand where you're coming from.

Answer 10

Kids never want to see their parents divorce let alone seperate,, it is the fairy tale of family,, The rule is NEVER like the boyfriend or Girlfriend because that is a act of treason to the parents,

best not to marry but spend time with your 12 yo,, you can find happiness in 6 years if he really loves you,, believe me,, I just 11 years in a rotten marriage,, her kids trashed the house constantly because of her divorce from their father,, it is hard to deal with but harder to have nothing left after it was stolen or broken