i love being in love and everything that comes with it but i'm starting to believe that being single and consequently not engaging in romantic affairs gives me more peace. 'cause if i fall in love, i fall for real & once it's over it hurts too much and it makes me totally shattered; emotionally & mentally. i love romance & passion but if it's not with the right person i don't do it. so i guess, what i'm really asking is for your opinion on coming to terms with being single and how to control your desire. i don't wanna feel it 'cause it makes me long for something i can't have.
thanks
2006-09-28 06:43:13 · 5 answers · asked by Eden 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Try focusing on enjoying activities you can do by yourself or with friends. I have found that when you surround yourself with alternatives to "being in love" you don't crave it as much.
2006-09-28 06:48:12 · answer #1 · answered by DownAndOut 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My suggestion: Try being single for a few months. Then look back on your life. Ask yourself, "Am I more happy when I'm in a relationship, or when I'm single?"
If Dr. Phil were here, he's say something like: "If you want, you can build a wall around yourself. But, you will be lonely. To not be lonely, you have to let people in. Yes, it's risky, yes, you will get hurt. But, it's worth it."
But don't be rash and swear never to fall in love again. Even you invest in a relationship with someone who turns out to be the "wrong guy", you will still grow and learn more about yourself out of that experience. And hopefully it was mostly fun while it lasted. Hence the cliche: "It is better to have loved and lost, than to never have loved at all."
2006-09-28 07:08:43 · answer #2 · answered by PJ 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you have problems in dealing with intimacy. just because you have had your heart broken in the past doesn't mean you wont find someone who will be with you forever and not break your heart. what you are wanting to do by denying yourself intimacy is against the human nature. i understand that you want to protect yourself from being hurt again because it is so painful, but is that the best answer for you in the long scheme of things? perhaps seeing a counselor can help you deal with this issue in its entirety. i think it may be deeper than you believe.
2006-09-28 06:53:28 · answer #3 · answered by christy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
"Gosh Eden, close friendships might be an answer for you. My friends and I are pretty intimate; however, it's a romance of sorts, without lust, and those kinds of feelings. Of course, its not as intimate as sex can be, but sex isn't everything, as you know.
I wish I could tell you how to control your desire. I just don't know. For me, its been plateaus of understanding. Every 3 or 4 years I just have "discoveries" that mature me. With the newfound maturity, needs do not obsess me as much. Wish I could explain it clearer, but understanding myself has come on the heels of frustrations, which might be described as covetousness. I've been kinda released from it and replaced it with making small contributions to enlarging friendships of every sort. It works for me."
2006-09-28 07:06:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being shattered is no fun. But to tell the truth, that feeling of euphoria always goes away after awhile, even if you stay with that special person. It doesn't last forever..thank God...things go back to normal.
2006-09-28 07:03:20 · answer #5 · answered by honiebyrd 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋