abstinence from intimacy?

Question

i love being in love and everything that comes with it but i'm starting to believe that being single and consequently not engaging in romantic affairs gives me more peace. 'cause if i fall in love, i fall for real & once it's over it hurts too much and it makes me totally shattered; emotionally & mentally. i love romance & passion but if it's not with the right person i don't do it. so i guess, what i'm really asking is for your opinion on coming to terms with being single and how to control your desire. i don't wanna feel it 'cause it makes me long for something i can't have.

thanks

no i do not want meaningless s.. i dont enjoy meaningless activities

the problem is this: if i make love to someone it's being with someone i feel super attracted to and then i fall for them

and then it's over. that's what i'm talking about

Answer 1

Look, I don't want to burst your bubble, but you're what we call a human being, and human beings need sex.

At the absolute minimum, I would suggest that you masturbate when you just can't take it anymore, but honestly, I think it's only a matter of time before the urge to **** becomes overwhelming.

At this point, it will become necessary to have dealt with what is obviously your crippling fear of intimacy. Seek counselling on this; it is more common than you think.

Answer 2

Sounds like you want one of two things:
1) to be in love with the right person, sharing all that love and intimacy can offer; or
2) to be happily single, peaceful and detached.

Unfortunately, you can't have the first with a pain-free guarantee, and you can't have the second if your basic nature craves love. You either have to accept the pain and suffering that love/life can bring and embrace it as a part of the process, or learn to give up the need for love.
To me, you sound like a deeply passionate and loving person - I don't think the second way will satisfy you in the long-term. Sure, it's possible to be happily single and not have intercourse (especially if you can pleasure yourself); I've lived this way for many years and I enjoy it. But I also enjoy love/romance/intimacy/passion, as you do, and I know that's what I want in the long run.

My recommendation: be single for awhile, and learn how to fulfill yourself both physically and emotionally, whether it's buying flowers for yourself, complimenting yourself, or pursuing a new hobby. Once you feel strong and full and brave inside, you'll be ready to get back out their and find a life-long love... and he'll be delighted with the complete person you've become.

Answer 3

abstinence from sex, and abstinence from intimacy are often (but not always) mutually exclusive. Sex and be, or not be intimate, and intimacy doesn't have to include sex.

If you are intending to abstain from sex, then masturbate. This can not only fufill any sexual urges you have, but can also help you develop a sense of intimacy with your own body, as well as confidence in your sexuality.

If you want to abstain from intimacy with another person, than that's a personal choice, but I don't know if it's healthy, or realistic to choose that indefinitely. If you are afraid of falling in love, my first reaction is that there is something going on *inside you* that can be resolved through introspection, and possibly counselling. Counselling is not as big and scary as it seems. People are counselled every day, by family, friends and loved ones. However, going to a counsellor might be helpful because they have the ability to maintain an objective viewpoint and professional relationship, whereas family and friends can't do that.

however, if this is something that you are considering in this short term, than perhaps you can think of it as "dating yourself". you are taking time out for you, to grow and get to know yourself so that when you meet the right person, you will feel at a stage in your life when you are ready to develop a relationship.

Answer 4

Hi,
You don't have to "control your desire." Sexual energy can be channelled into other passions. If you like writing or painting or acting or caonoeing. Whatever other passions you've got you can put your sexual energy into that. It's a strong energy and will help with any endeavour, even if your passion is putting together model airplanes.
In a different vein, I know it's not the same as being with a lover, but you could masturbate. That may help some.
However, don't be afraid of trying romantic love again and again. You won't know if the person is "right" unless you give him/her a shot.
Good Luck

Answer 5

Without knowing your age.. this is a difficult question to answer... after three failed marriages, I avoid relationships at all costs. I have numerous friends of the opposite sex, I just avoid relationships. Occasionally lonliness sets in, but not having my heart crushed again has huge advantages, and I get over those lonely periods quickly.. It also helps to have a friend with benefits, but it's hard to find one that won't eventually go psycho on ya.

Answer 6

i'm 25 years old,my sister when she was my age had already been married for 2 years,does it worries me?nah!i like to spend a lot of time with myself,so yes it's an advantage to stay single if you like that,how do i control my desire?[you don't have to do it if you don't want to] i pray,God knows better than i,and if my knight n shinning armor hasn't come into my life yet it's because He's preparing me for when that time comes,if it never comes...i will be glad of God's will.