Happily married with children, yet still compelled to cheat?

Question

I've been married for two years, with the same man for five years and we have children together. We have had our ups and downs, but life is good for us right now and we both are happy. For some reason though, I'm compelled to cheat on him with another man. No one really in particular... just someone "new." Mind you, our sex life is great, so I don't think that is the problem. I didn't have much "experience" before being with my husband, so I wonder if that's what it is? I love my husband and my family and just don't understand how to get rid of these feelings or why I'm even having them... Advice?

Never said/meant I did actually cheat. I was just having "feelings." Sorry for the misunderstanding. I haven't cheated, don't want to cheat and don't plan on it. I just wanted advice on how to make the feelings go away!

Answer 1

You talk like your life is great but then you're saying it's time to screw it up. It doesn't figure. Do you feel that if you get caught you'll be forgiven? Does it matter how it will affect your husband and kids? The grass isn't greener and I hope you don't learn that the hard way.

Answer 2

well first of all the reason why many people cheat is becuase they feel as if they are not actractive and thinkin about it and even cheating makes them feel exciting crazy and sexy and loved and that they are that other person life.

this happens because in a persons life there are stages you go through and about the time you hit your teenage years there is a stage when you realize you can get some attention from males and you are atractive and some people dont get through that stage. so they never feel really beautiful.

that has nothing to do with how fun or great your life is now the problem comes from inside you and how you feel about yourself

and the second thing i wanted to point out is you will feel attractive and sexy when you are thinking about and while you are cheating but you will lose everything in your life you love

your kids will look at you different and they will think that marriage isnt that great and you can through it away. it will hurt there marriage in the future. and your husband will never love you the same. there will always be this huge thing in your way to his heart.

if that isnt enough to stop thinking about cheating to make yourself feel better than you dont deserve your family sorry if that was harsh

so when you start to think about cheating, STOP right then and there and get that thought out of your mind and go talk to a counsler to help you

becuase it might be fun to cheat for a moment but ther rest of your life will you will be alone

oh and if you arent feelin emotionanly loved and takin care of then talk to your husband its the only way to help

Answer 3

You are looking for a fantasy as true as the fantasy, but fantasy is always greater than reality, and so you will never find it. This is not to state that you don't enjoy it, because you do, and the reason you do is because of the additional thrill of possibly getting caught doing a no-no. It's sort of like having sex in a semi-public area, or as teenagers in your room with your parents at home. It's the same thrill shoplifters get, that don't really need what they're stealing.

You also go after these guys, because of the fear you might be missing out on something, if you don't go after it. How would you feel if your husband were doing the same thing? Why would you feel that way, and how does what you are doing differ in your mind from that?

Answer 4

Happily married but interested in another man? That's an oxymoron. The question you should be asking yourself is....." If I had an affair would it be worth losing my marriage & children for?" If the answer is yes, then why wait, file for divorce now then have the affair. If the answer is no, then stop wpndering about someone else. It's natural to have fantasies about other people than the person you are with, so long as you don't act on them. Try working in more time with Hubby and hopefully you'll remember why you married him in the first place. Good luck, and stay faithful!

Answer 5

I am going to give myself as an example to show you what you are doing. I married the first woman I had ever been with at the age of 23. I thought how could I be so lucky because we were quite happy and I loved her so much. Had two children over the years and like you said had our ups and downs but who doesn't.

I was married to her for 37 years.

When in our early 50's I decided to ask one day about a guy we once knew and I told her that I had been attracted to his wife. Never went anywhere with that but I knew she had been attracted to him. Had she ever done anything. She didn't want to answer so I pressed her. She had. I was not surprised but over the next day or so I thought well if she did it with him what would stop her there.

I finally got to her admit that there had been more. Seven. This occurred while I was working and going to school so she had plenty of time.
I can tell you I have never ever been so hurt in all my life. I had to go to a crises counselor to get through it. But I did and because it had been so many years before I got over it.

But about 5 years ago, because of many changes in our life, it happened again. That was enough for me. I am married again and she lives alone.

Don't let this happen to you. You do not care as much as you think about this man and over the years, when the kids are gone, you will see it. Get help now if you can.

We are all attracted to others. What we do about it tells all about our character.

You say your sex life is great. I truly hope you bring nothing home to him. With your men being "someone new" all the time you are really asking for it.

Consider this: Is the risk of loosing everything worth the few moments of pleasure with someone new. If your sex life is great at home then you have a compulsion to take risks and are not seeking love. I truly hope you realize what you are doing. It seems to me you do not.

If you find yourself alone some day just remember my story.

Answer 6

The reasons women cheat vary considerably Some get involved in extramarital affairs because they are lonely, others because they want to escape the monotony of marriage. Still others are motivated to cheat as a form of revenge after they find lipstick or other tell-tale signs of their husbands' infidelity. Then there are the selfish character-flawed women who marry good men who love and take care of them, but continue to consort with other men for sexual excitement.
Another basic idea which everyone has heard of is that women often marry for security as opposed to love. The idea is that they need someone, so they get married, not necessarily to the man of their dreams. Along with this idea is its partner, the idea that women are always looking for the best mate they can find. They will “upgrade” if an opportunity presents itself. They are working on this “upgrade” while continuing to maintain their existing marriage.
Some sexual behavior research indicates that the cheating wife may se herself as a victim of the “Little Woman Syndrome”. This is essentially case where a working wife is made to feel like the “little woman” in her marriage rather than a partner. She works just as hard as her husband, but at the end of the day, she still has to raise the kids, clean the house and be the quiet wife so her husband can go out with the guys or watch TV all night.
Something that is not gender specific but is worth mentioning is that in almost all cases of a cheating wife is the overall idea that something is wrong in the marriage. At least one of them is unhappy and most likely both are. Someone’s needs are not being met and something does not work the way that either partner wants it to.
Try to think which one of cases described above applies to you and work to change. Good marriage is hard to come and keep. Good luck!

Answer 7

I think maybe it is the thrill of the adventure that leads up to having the affairs that is exciting for you. Every woman enjoys attention, it is exciting to know that a man is attracted to you.

Are you bored in your marriage? Not sexually, emotionally bored. I think women cheat for emotional reasons. You need to find something that is exciting that you and your husband can do together. Get involved with something that is fullfilling and adventurous.

Sometimes marriages can fall into a rut. If you are lacking that emotional connection with your husband you will continue to seek it from other men.

Start there, and then seek counseling. If this behavior continues, your marriage will end, and your children will be devastated.

Good Luck!

Answer 8

I think that you are just curious about how another man will compare to your husband. I thik that every married couple gets like that at sometime. i think you should keep them urges, though. I mean, ask yourself is a fling with some random guy really worth losing your family and the trust of your marriage. Or your husband saying that is she can cheat I can also/ just way the pros and cons of the possibilty of having an affair

Answer 9

It sounds like me but I have admitted to self that I can not be with just ONE person~ U see we know what we can and can not do and what we will and what we will not allow ourselves to do. If you did nto have this issue before you got married its the DEVIL bothering you and you need to pray and repeant. Really, now if you had been doing this during the engagement then u should of stayed single. I hear ya on everything being good and all but he is not keeping you full this is why you are dipping out. U need to make your mind up dear, cause it will be devistating for him knowing you are cheating. Or if its all like that then be honest and tell hubby that you are feeling these weird feelings that it feels like you want to dip out on him. Maybe he can set aside some u and he time and fix it but its not a fix like that. U have to fix that and you have to decide what u want from this marriage.

Answer 10

How can you say you love your husband when you put his life on the line every time you cheat? Look at all the diseases out there! Is a one time stand worth a lifetime of AIDS?

Time for you to mature! Really think about the consequences of your actions.

Rather than cheat - take care of your own business!

Answer 11

Well other than email me with your personal info my advice would be to stop.

If you really are not able to just stop you may have a problem and it should be addressed. My biggest concern for you isn't so much the cheating it is the possibility of you getting caught or catching something.

If you cant control your actions then you are a risk not just to yourself but to your kids and husband. Get private therapy or find a group in your area.