why does she do that......?

Question

why does my spouse always put me down when she's mad, why does she look at me in a negative way but look at every1 else like their gone do something with their lives? I just want to go to Art school but she's not behind me....

I think because of the females that go there,.........she told me one time if i believe in my dream get out of her house.....when she was in medical school I always supported what she was trying to achieve....

I'm not the soft type and I'm not a priss man, but I am frustrated with her actions...it pisses me off when she acts as if I never supported her but my dreams of being what i want are being tore down,...she sayes things like you're not top notch you ain't doing nothing for me, you don't show me you love me, and things like that

she went without a gig for 8 months because of school and i did everything i could to help with bills, even got into the school she was going to and worked at night.......I feel unappreciated,....

Answer 1

You two need counseling. You should be supportive and loving to each other and it does not sound like that's happening.

Answer 2

She sounds like me =) She seems to be a very controlling person by nature, and she wants for you to do what SHE wants, not what you want. Art school is probably not convenient for her, not in her plans, or whatever and so she is trying like hell to prevent you from going. She may put you down (which I am guilty of as well) because that's how she vents her anger. She probably learned this as a child, that it's ok to call people names, etc. Maybe her parents or siblings, or kids at school called her names and now it's a learned behavior for her. My mother used to call me names such as stupid, tramp, etc. and now I do the same to my husband. Getting her to see how much it is hurting you is the only thing you can do. Each time she does it, call her on it. Hopefully she'll learn. And as for art school, find out why she doesn't want you to go. I'm sure there's a reason for everything she does, whether you agree with it or not. Then you two need to COMPROMISE!

Answer 3

She must have contempt for you. Being mad tends to show a person's real feelings. I don't know what else to say, but I think that you need to have a long, hard talk about this.

I must ask, who wears the pants in your home? Are you a leader? Your character and weakness could have something to do with it. I suspect that this is the case, just from the way you ask the question, or even ask it at all.

I also question your "art" pursuits in this instance I also suspect that this could have something to do with it, although not necessarily.

Forget counseling. It won't help.

Answer 4

You both need to get marriage counseling. Some churches offer this free and other places have sliding scale fees. You most likely will not stay married with out some help. She needs to learn to address what the real issue is, not just tear you down. That is not constructive behavior. She does not know how to have a disagreement in a constructive way and she needs help to learn to do that. You can learn how to keep the conversation on track and not become hurtful. Please seek help.

Answer 5

It woudl be best to bring these things up to her. If you are married she should be more supportive of you. I say you need to sit down and tellher how you feel, how she is making you feel and tell her what you wouldlike to see happen.

Maybe she is simply worried about the future, most women seem to be nester type and want security - maybe art school doesn't sound all that promising to her. You need to have a passion for what you are doing, take that passion and convince her to get behind you.

Answer 6

Without knowing you both - it's so hard to say. Putting someone down...especially your spouse is never acceptable though under any circumstances. Why she is not behind you with art school I couldn't say without more information from both of you - if she has valid reasons...she should have a voice on that - if she is simply not behind you on that for no reason...then that's wrong.

Counseling is your only answer here...good luck.

Answer 7

This behavior sounds controlling and abusive.
If you doubt me, then look at your question but reverse the gender roles. If it were the husband who talked negatively and refused to support his wife's decisions, would you not see it as abusive?
It's the same way for you. I suggest some marital counseling to help you each learn tips on how to be a loving and supporting couple.

Answer 8

some people have such a low self esteem that it makes them feel good to make others feel bad. this is very difficult to overcome. she will not change until she changes her personal situation so she feels better about herself.

if she is not behind your dreams then she may have a reason that she is scared to tell you. does she work? if she doesn't, maybe she is afraid that if you pursue another line of work, she will have to put in more effort. maybe she is lazy.

Answer 9

Are you good at art? Maybe she thinks you stink and wants you to do something else with your life. Some people think they can draw and they can't...some people think they have good imaginations, but they don't...maybe this is you? Just talk to your wife about being a stay at home dad.

Answer 10

she should be supportive of your dreams...you never know the possibilities of what can become if you don't step outside of your comfort zone. talk to her and explain how you feel...good luck